And through the window he went !!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by xlagirl, Jun 19, 2010.

  1. xlagirl

    xlagirl Guest

    Hi All,

    Last night during my 8 yr old difficult child's rage.... he started kickin the living room window while laying on the sofa. I was telling him to knock it off, and to use his "coping skills" and I turned to walk away to go cool down as I was getting very frustrated with him and he decided to throw himself through the window! The window shattered in to a million little pieces and several huge sharp slivers. He got cut up but nothing that was serious. No stitches needed! He was so lucky!! I explained to him how he could have died if one piece of glass would have cut his neck or he could have went blind if it got in his eyes.

    It scared the heck out of me and all I could do was yell at him right after it happened. I guess it was my fear, but I do feel bad for yelling. I was just so mad that he he wuld do that to himself. I didn't care abut the window at all.... I was just really upset at him because he could have really got injured bad.

    He does not show any empathy or remorse. He doesn't have that in him at all....he just wasn't born with it.
    He did say sorry mommy after seeing how mad I was, but trying to explain that his Life could have ended that night...just didn't register with him.
    I know he is only 8 but he doesn't have a grasp on death, and that it is so final and that life is over.

    So this now leaves me to think...... What's Next??

    He was hospitalized last month for 8 days, and he still Rages every single day at home.
    He is still not stable in my opinion. I got a new psychiatrist for him and she does not want to increase his medications or add another mood stabilizer at this time.

    Funny, because she straight out asked him "Do you want to harm yourself?" and his answer to her was "YES". Then she asked him "How do you want to harm yourself?" and he said "cut my neck with a knife"!!
    (of course I have NO KNIVES in the house at all) She continued to ask him "why do you want to hurt yourself?" and he said "because I want to die". She went on to ask him if he would like to hurt anyone else and he response was "Yes, my sister!" HELLO? It doesn't take a PHD to know that he is a danger to himself and others. So why didn't she do anything about it??

    UGH! Sooooo frustrating!
    Lasted edited by : Jun 19, 2010
  2. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear that your little boy is suffering this way. Maybe you can get a small pocket tape recorder and put it on when he is raging. If he threatens to harm himself again, you will have proof and you can get him back into the hospital.
  3. xlagirl

    xlagirl Guest

    Hmmm, I haven't thought of that. Not a bad idea at all !!

    Thank you :)
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry!! If the psychiatrist will do nothing then you MUST find a new psychiatrist. He clearly is not stable and is a danger to himself. Please try to get him admitted to the psychiatric hospital again. You may have to do it several times or he may need longer care. Have you approached social services to see if you can get any help via them?

    If your cell phone has a video function use it to take video of his rages. Having gone through a window, he now knows what to do when he next wants to try to hurt himself. He will know he doesn't need a knife, just a window.

    This has to be so hard to handle, and so scary. Be sure to find time to let yourself be angry and even to cry, private time to work through your emotions. I used to do this in the shower.

    Do you work with a therapist with him? You might find one helpful in figuring out coping strategies and in dealing with all the stress that is part of life with a difficult child.

    In the meantime you may want to take steps to help protect your son from the other windows in the home, and the mirrors. You may want to think about using plastic instead of glass in the front window. Or using safety glass. Other windows might need to be replaced or maybe covered with bars? Windows in his bedroom should be a priority because he spends unsupervised time in there. ESP if his room is not on the ground floor - if he tries to go through a window on an upper floor you will also have to worry about the fall.

    You may be able to find film similar to what they use to tint car windows that you can use on the house windows. It won't make the glass harder to break but when the glass does break it will stay stuck to the film, rather than shattering into a bazillion pieces. It can make the windows safer also.

    I hope that you get some real help very soon. It must be a pretty miserable way to live to be 8 and have to handle that much rage and the desire to hurt yourself and others. Gentle hugs to all of you.
  5. xlagirl

    xlagirl Guest

    Hi Susie,

    Thanks for the good advice.
    This IS the new psychiatrist that we are seeing. This week was our first visit. We are also meeting with a new therapist once a week.
    We have to go to the lab to get his blood test done to see how the Depakote is doing in his system and see if it needs to be increased or decreased.
    No, I have not tried social services. Not sure that I want to get them involved.

    As for video... Yes I have already tried that. I have many, many videos....but when I bring it up to the psychiatrist or therapist they have no interest in seeing them.
    I think you are RIGHT about him knowing how to hurt himself easily now. Which scares me!

    We live in a small rental house, so replacing he windows with something else is not an option. The landlord is going to charge me $50 to replace the glass. (sigh)
    We currently do not have a safe room for him at this small house. He sleeps in the living room and he rages in the living room also. We have it stripped down to bare bones though.... no photos or pictures on the walls, no lamps, no decor at all. Just sofas, table, and TV on the wall. So when he begins to rage....we pick up the remote control, any drinks or snack or toys that are out...and we let him rage. We use to restrain him but that only made it ten times worse. So now my 17 yr old daughter and I just stand there and block his punches, dodge his kicks and get away from the spit. It's not easy!!

    Good idea about the film on the window. I may be able to do that.

    And YES, it is a miserable way for him to live. He is a very sad and angry little boy. Always has been since the day he was born.
    I am trying my very best to get him the help he needs. I am here for him.... everyday, every minute. I won't give up on him many have already gave up on him (teachers/grandparents/father/aunts/uncles/babysitters/daycares/schools/sister). :(
    Lasted edited by : Jun 20, 2010
  6. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Oh my goodness! I'd have been beside myself also. You're nerves must be absolutely raw.

    I don't know your story, but if your son has an undiagnosed mood disorder or bipolar disorder, the Concerta may be making his rages worse than they would ordinarily be. Even some people with-just ADHD can't take a stimulate. Something you might want to discuss with-psychiatrist.

    Just my $0.02, but I'd find another new psychiatrist.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. Wow.
    Has your son ever seen a neuropsychologist for a complete evaluation? Because in my opinion the doctor has him on a lot of medications, but is he even sure what he's giving them f or? Sometimes medications make things worse (as one who does have a mood disorder and who has been on sooooooooo many medications, many made me worse, not better). Four medications is a lot. I agree about the Concerta. If my child raged, there would be no stimulants. They can make mood disorders worse. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son doesn't have a mood disorder and HE was worse on the ADHD medications. Abilify can also cause a person to be jittery and hyper. Are any of these medications new? Can y ou tell us more about his early development and your family history? Has anyone ever tested him thoroughly to see if he is on the autism spectrum (high functioning?) This is often mistaken for bipolar and can cause so much frustration that the kids rage a good one. If so, he would need interventions, not tons of medications (some Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids take a few medications) but they need different help. It's important to be sure of what is going on. When you say he was born with no empathy or remorse that sort of reminds of of a sort of autism. The kids do have empathy and remorse and some show it, but often the kids talk in a monotone (unless extremely excited or upset) and have trouble showing emotions appropriately and get labeled with having no empathy or remorse. I'd look into's worth a shot. Again, you'd need a neuropsychologist for a good diagnosis. psychiatrists miss this one a lot. Videogame obsession, beyond the norm, is also very common.

    Gosh, I'm sorry...poor little guy.
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2010
  8. xlagirl

    xlagirl Guest


    I had already taken him off of the Concerta myself because the stimulant was making him worse in my opinion. I explained it to the psychiatrist and she agreed to keep him off of it. He has been diagnosis with Asperger's, ADHD, sensory processing disorder (SPD) (sensory processing disorder), Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED) (intermittent explosive disorder), and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)(persuesive(sp?) development disorder). In my opinion,...he could also be bipolar but I am no doctor.
    He hasn't been to a neuropsychologist in a long time. I am looking in to getting him a new neurophych appointment.

    The Abilify and Depakote are helping somewhat as he is extreamly violent without them. The Trazadone is just for sleep. He has really bad insomnia and can not slep without it. Even prior to ever taking medications he was unable to sleep.

    Is there a way to post pictures on here anywhere? I would love to upload his picture.... if possible.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Xlagirl, I am so sorry for you and your family. That poor kid. He's jumping out of his own skin.
    I, too, am concerned about the medications, but do not know if it's the Concerta. When he was first put on medications, did you try them one by one? Or two at a time? The only way you can figure out which one it is, or better yet, which combo is doing the damage, is to get him off and start over, unless you can see an extremely clear pattern to his rages, such as just b4 dinner, when he's over tired, when he's hungry, etc.
    Luckily, with-my son, we can see his patterns and see him ramp up now. It took many yrs but now that I look back on it, I wish I could go back in time and change my reactions. 20/20 hindsight and all that ...

    My son raged nearly every day when he was 8, but it wasn't until he was hospitalized 2 yrs ago and we got him on Clonidine that he really settled down, and then a yr later, when we started Imiprimine that we saw another huge diff. The psychiatric hospital told us to get an outside, FT psychiatrist for medications, which we did, and we had a lot of problems while we were experimenting, but not with-rages ... more with-stomach aches, headaches, oversleeping, staying awake all night, etc.
    Every kid reacts differently.

    I am so glad that at least your son reacted to your reaction. That's a good thing! Don't forget, most of our kids are several yrs behind developmentally. IOW, if he's 8, he's thinking like a 4-yr-old. So don't expect him to understand extremely abstract concepts like death or God.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, one more thing ... have you had him allergy tested? Many kids and adults with-Asperger's have gluten allergies and that can make them rage, as well. And dyes.
  11. xlagirl

    xlagirl Guest

    Hi Terry,

    We already took him off of Concerta.... as it was not working for him so I stopped it. His new psychiatrist agreed that we should keep him off of it.
    We also tried Clonidine on him last year but it did nothing for him. He has a high tolerance for medication. I know some people who take his dosage and they as foggy or tired alot. With my son, almost nothing tires him out.

    I have not had him tested for alergies yet. I have heard that a sugar free and gluten free diet works well with the Aspies. I am going to look in to it.

    Thank you for all the advice =)
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sounds like you are doing a lot. Keep pushing the neuropsychologist. As for diets, the way most allergists suggest you start is to go both gluten and casein free (gluten-free, casein-free diet). Many on the autism spectrum are allergic or sensitive to both the gluten and the casein in dairy. I think maybe you need to go over the list of diagnoses because pervasive developmental disorder (Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)) is a lower functioning form of autism than Aspergers. If you have one then you either function too well or not well enough to have the other. I think that having them both together may end up confusing some of the "experts" (which is easier to do than it should be, in my opinion).

    As for pictures, we do not put pics of the kids up. We discuss very personal and sensitive things here and this IS open to everyone in the public. For privacy we don't use photos of ourselves or our kids as avatars, in signatures, etc... Usually around Halloween we do a thread with pics and after a couple of days it is removed. Recently we had one member who's granddau was in a pageant and pics were up for a couple of days. I have no clue how that is done though.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is he getting intensive interventions for the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) or just medications and talk therapy? He really does need a lot of help if he is on the spectrum, but not just psychiatric help because that's really not a psychiatric problem, although it can look like it and the frustration can cause issues.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So, what are you using over the window b4 it's replaced?
    Have you spoken to difficult child about helping the handyman put it back in? Just a thought ...