Another holiday that difficult child has managed

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Apr 8, 2012.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    to disrupt. It started early this morning. We tried to encourage difficult child to stay home while husband and I went to church. Usually I just go but because it is a holiday husband will usually come with me which means difficult child wants to go. I probably should have had them both stay home but I like on holidays when husband comes to church with me.

    While we were walking through the parking lot difficult child was following very closely behind husband (practically at his heels as always). difficult child ended up tripping and falling on the cement because he did end up stepping on husband's heels. I'm sure he was embarrassed but he got up and started yelling at husband and accusing him of tripping him. This was embarrassing because lots of others were walking through the parking lot. husband, of course, told him he didn't trip and told him he shouldn't be following so close behind him. difficult child kept mouthing off. Finally husband said he wasn't dealing with this and left to go back to the car. difficult child went with him. I went into church figuring they would pick me up after but husband ended up coming in with difficult child. I sat between them.

    Naturally difficult child drove me crazy during church (and probably everybody around him. He would tap his fingers on the wooden pews and get mad at me when I told him to stop and then would continue for awhile. He did this at various times throughout the Mass. Then he would lean his head on my shoulder and whisper/yell at me to stop putting my head on top of his which I wasn't doing. Then he started slipping his hand beneath my bottom and legs. He got upset when I made him stop and then physically moved my arms (he is way stronger than me)because I had positioned them so he couldn't do it.

    Then at the offertory time when husband went to find some money in his wallet he realized he had way less cash than he should have. Of course, difficult child is denying taking it but husband is not happy and is almost positive that difficult child has been stealing from him. He is also really hurt because he does so much for difficult child.

    When we came home difficult child saw me opening my car door but pushed it shut so he could get in first. Throughout the day he has continued to be rude and walk in front of me; when I asked him to move so that I could baste the ham husband had to help insist and then he stood right behind me so that I couldn't help but touch him when I opened the oven door.

    I absolutely love holidays but feel like just skipping the next big one because difficult child always manages to disrupt them. I did tell him he is not coming to Christmas Mass with husband and me.

    I'm actually looking forward to going back to work on Tuesday just so I won't be around him 24/7. Not very nice am I?

  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I would not be very nice either, and in my humble opinion? You are not being not nice, you are fed up with difficult child's behavior. I am sorry the holiday turned out crummy, and make sure next one? You are able to go to church with husband and NOT difficult child.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm sorry your holiday was so difficult. :(
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    O-o-o-o I can relate to that constant pushing and grabbing and provoking, I know how that feels so well. I am so so sorry. I think sometimes, just ONE time to go to church would be so nice. But unless it is a family celebration I just dont. Even the tripping thing, omgosh, that is totally Q. Then he yells even before the fall is finished that I didn't ask if he was OK soon enough. There is NO WINNING and no point trying during those episodes. It is like the adrenaline rush from almost falling just sets off the string of ugly.

    If your difficult child can stay home during things like mass that would be great, but would he then get into things and steal more?

    HUGS, wish the holidays could be smoother. It is so stressful, I got lucky mine turned it around this time, but it is always a cr@p-shoot.
  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    So sorry... I understand how difficult holidays can be... Many hugs... SFR
  6. Oh boy do I see my difficult child in your difficult child. Especially the tapping, intentional disruptions etc.. I'm so sorry he managed to disrupt your Easter.

    No advice just a big hug and a sympathetic ear. And I don't blame you for wanting to go back to work and get some relief from the stress. That's not a bad thing at all.
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    so sorry your holiday didn't go well. I do understand the desire to escape from our difficult child's behavior. -RM
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's a tough day, I'm sorry. I know exactly how you feel about looking forward to going to work. I don't think it has anything to do with nice or not nice, it's a safe haven from the stress. I hope this all begins to get easier for you soon. Hugs to you and prayers for peace and calm.......
  9. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    So sorry about your experience at church. I can well imagine something of just how disheartening and demoralising it is to deal with this kind of behaviour. I wish I had some good advice :) None of that, except... maybe not to take him to church again? And to be very compassionate towards yourself.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry that he made the holiday so very much unenjoyable. What would happen if you refused to take him when he wanted to go? Would he destroy the house while you were gone with husband? I don't know how you kept your cool, it would have pushed me past my limits.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending understanding hugs from someone who has been there done that way too many times. Personally I somehow let the holiday spirit infuse optimism into my soul ... and regreted it almost every time. It's such a bummer to feel negative feelings when your goal is to feel warm and fuzzy. Sigh. DDD
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    CM-You are right. For Christmas I'm planning on just husband and me attending church. Now I just need to remind myself of this when he wants to come to Christmas Mass.


    Buddy-"String of Ugly" what a great description! I think we could leave difficult child home and he would be o.k.

    SFR-Thanks, I know you understand.

    Welcometowitsend-Thanks for the hugs and understanding.

    RM-Yep-escape is what it is!

    Recoveringenabler-Thanks for the hugs and prayers. It's true that work is a safe haven from stress which is interesting since I teach for a living:)

    Malika-Trust me, I won't take him to church again any time soon!

    Susie-I think he would be o.k. while we were gone. He would stay in our room and watch tv because he gets super anxious when staying home alone.

    DDD-Yep-every time the holiday spirit is infused into my soul. I don't know if I will ever learn!