ant and his complex life

Oh Janet

I am so sorry. I don't have much advice to offer, but my heart is going out to you, and absolutely breaking for Kaleb.

Hugs and prayers.

Stella Johnson

Active Member
I think you handled it well. You are right, Ant can't live with you and he doesn't have his head together not to put his son in horrid situations.

It is hard to take custody from both parents. If you did, it would be a long drawn out court case.

Neither parent is fit at this point. If Danielle "can't deal with this" she does need to sign custody over.

Have you asked her? Never know, maybe she is willing but won't ask.



Active Member
steph, I asked danielle for custody and she said no. Kaleb is her meal ticket. she does not work. she is on welfare. they pay her schooling, bought her a car, paid the first month insurance, she gets food stamps, a cash allowance and a two bedroom nice apartment for 5 bucks a month, they pay Kaleb and her medical care, daycare for him and well....why should she give him up???

she would then have to work. she has been going to school for two yrs because as long as she goes and passes, they will continue to pay her all the other stuff. she chooses night classes. that means kaleb is in daycare all day and at night some other family in the project has him til long after bedtime. she then sleeps all morning.

I told ant he needs to be the better parent, get sober and go to AA, establish a good home and then get Kaleb himself.
aint gonna happen. he wants to party and have women more than he wants to be a father.


Hi Ant's Mom,
wow, Danielle is the kind of woman who gives welfare a bad name. Yes, I see your point--why would she give him up?

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all this. My difficult child 1 has been pregnant and miscarried 3 times in the last year and I have to say I am relieved. She and boyfriend couldn't even take care of their pet rat, I can't imagine them with a baby. Well, he actually has 2 children by his 1st wife but never sees them and I know does not support them, yet has the gall to criticize the ex for how she raises them!

Thinking of you,


Well-Known Member
Janet, I "know" about meal tickets. We have gotten $500 from
GFGmom over the past 5 or 6 years for difficult child and zero for easy child/difficult child.
If you accept that you want to protect Kaleb, you have to think
like they think. They want freedom. They want bucks. They want
people to tell them how cute "their" son is when they have him.
They will NOT give you custody...I know that.

BUT if you take away all their adult responsibilities, let them
keep their darn food stamps and money, you can get Kaleb safely
in your home. Yes, you will have to let them "play parent" on
occasion BUT you absolutely will NOT have to send Kaleb off in the middle of the night because your P of A will give YOU the
right to make choices for his health and safety.

Kaleb will know where "his" house is, where "his" bed is, where
his Mama (or Nana or whatever) is and when he will be picked up
and etc. etc. all the things that "may" save him from long term
trauma from being dropped off by both parents with could-be dangerous babysitters.

It's a sales situation Janet. You have to figure out how to sell
them on the idea so Kaleb is safe. They WANT everything to be focused on them...that's the key to the sale. Their needs get
addressed first (in your head). Kaleb's needs are actually the
most important. then decide to accept that you will
not have a peaceful life. Once you have that piece of paper you
can quietly and politely tell either parent NO if they are going
to put Kaleb in danger. Believe me, that paper combined with possession of the child will protect you both if Ant is drunk
or one of them leave him with a loser.

It IS possible. DDD


Active Member
thanks DDD I will email your post about the durable power of attorney to my lawyer and see what he thinks about that.

My only fear is that having more of Kaleb would mean more of ant or danielle in my world. no thanks.


Warrior Parent
My only fear is that having more of Kaleb would mean more of ant or danielle in my world. no thanks.
I understand this point, however, NOT having Kaleb doesn't seem to have greatly reduced ant or danielle in your world, either...

Just a thought...

(((BIG HUGS)))



Well-Known Member

What DDD is saying isnt a really legal way of doing things but it is the safe way of doing things for the child. Danielle and Ant would be committing welfare fraud if they continued to receive benefits and they really didnt have Kaleb living with them. Not your problem!

Essentially what you would be doing is telling them that you will turn a blind eye to whatever they want to say to whomever they want to say it to but you will keep the child and raise him. If they want to lie to Social Services and tell them that they have the baby...well its their lie.

Now eventually you may be able to show a court proof that you have had the child so long and if the parents get caught doing fraud...well...hey...that wont look good either so you might be able to back door your way into permanent custody. For all you know eventually both parents may end up in jail or simply walk away. Danielle could end up with 14 more kids and not even look back. Number one...her days on welfare are soon going to be numbered. There is a 5 year cap. She will be getting desperate soon.
Now that the posts have taken this turn, I'd like to share a bit of my experience with you...
When difficult child 1 (the Basset Hound) was born, I was not much more than a kid myself (just 19 years old) and about as responsible as your son. My mother, bless her heart, took my daughter in for a few years until I got my act together. My mom was struggling financially, so in order to afford raising her, I signed over temporary legal custody to my mom. This wasy my mom could get welfare benefits for my daughter.
Well the day came that I was able to take my daughter back. Mom was still struggling financially (she has not been able to work since I was 12 due to MS) so I figured what the heck, I'd just let her keep getting the welfare in Basset Hound's name.
Well THAT came back to bite me in the :censored2:. I was not able to claim her on my income taxes, even though I was raising her, because as far as the state was concerned, my mom was. If I were to claim her, my mom would have been audited.
As much of a pain in the rear as it is, it may be better in the long run for everything to be done to the letter. If they don't get you coming, they get you going.
What horrible situation to have to be in. Again, hugs and prayers.


Well-Known Member
Janet, sorry this is all going on. I recall a better time for Ant and wish he could get back to that place. He seemed happy with it.

I know the feeling of just not wanting any drama or 'system' in your life.


Active Member
ant makes twice the money I do. he works hard and seems to like being with the men to work. he is moving sunday into a new place about an hour from me still. more near boyfriend's house so boyfriend and the other man can ride him to work easier. I piled up some household stuff he can have. he will come get it tomorrow to take to his new digs. he is still angry that I am not giving him my spare bed. tough tootie.

seems he and danielle are speaking a lot to one another again. she says she may move in with him in May. you never know. in a minute they change back and forth. I do not know how they handle the constant uncertainty.

I will see what the lawyer says when he reads my email next week. I feel for now their crisis is over and I want to not hear from them for a long time.


Hi Ant's Mom,
I am glad the crisis is over for now and I do so hope you do not hear from them for a long time. I know just what you mean, am hoping I do not hear from my difficult child 1 for a long time too. Last night I woke up to hear my cell phone ringing and was scared to get up and see who called. I didn't recognize the number, figure it was a wrong number. I was so glad it wasn't difficult child 1!
Take care,


New Member
Ant's Mom, my heart goes out to you. It's stories like this that makes me take comfort in the fact that my difficult child is a lesbian, believe it or not. God knows, I would be in the same position myself given her penchant for risky behavior.

And I applaud you that you haven't burnt out past the point that you can still fight for your grandson.

I do hope you have an angel on your shoulder soon.


Active Member
lol some of your comments bring back my sense of humor!

ant called a bit ago. seems his new found Disney Daddy (my ex who has been not one bit of good in ant's life)ugh!! and barf!!
bought ant a Gateway Computer...the latest. go figure the kid has not a bed to sleep in, meets and seduces women on the internet and daddy dearest buys him a spankin new puter so eh can set up more of those 17-20 yr old Myspace lonely vulnerable women.

my ex mother in law lived two doors from me and she died last year. two weeks ago her house was sold and my ex will be getting about 30,000.00 as will his 3 siblings. looks like ant is going to profit from that somehow. (my other son will get nothing)

not too silent....SCREAM~


Active Member
thanks all, I got this email from the lawyer this morning:

If you were going to have Kaleb at your house like that, a power of attorney would be a good idea - it would give you the authority to act on behalf of the parents, etc., but it would not eliminate their authority. If they wanted to take him back in the middle of the night, they would still have the right to do that.
Let me know if you want to do this. It is not a standard thing, so I would need a little time to draw it up.

I have chosen to let it go as I do not want him to be taken from me in the middle of the night should they choose. I also had a talk with Danielle and there is no way she would sign anything at all, neither would ant.

I am backing off and hope to stay out of their world for a rest.