Hello, I am less than shocked, but have been quite upset. It took difficult child less than 12 hours to run away from the inpatient rehab I just worked my butt off for a month trying to get him into. Outpatient said, go to day treatment or inpatient Day treatment said go inpatient Now we have failed out of even the highest (is there a higher?) level of care So I have a meeting tomorrow back at the outpatient with our original case worker's supervisor and the owner of the place ( case worked was a great fit but left the place) I do have some other cards up my sleeve- I am close an IEP meeting and with an IEP there's a second day treatment place he becomes eligible for (if there's space) And I have a court case in the works that, in a few months, might mandate inpatient, though I have doubts about whether he will stay even if jail is the alternative. (Typing that I am wondering if jail would be really good for him.) I'm also trying to get him to go back to the day treatment place that sent him away and ask again, tell them he's ready But the truth is, at least how I feel right now, *I* don't want him in day treatment. I can't take it anymore. I need a break. I'm not up to this. I cannot take care of him. Today I will also be reaching out to a friend of a friend who, apparently, works with kids like mine. Ask her for ideas. I just feel so broken. This is not manageable.... But is that just a thought I should be working on changing? Or should I be working to change my circumstance? I could potentially have him sent to jail at our next court date- they will keep him there if I refuse to take him home. Or I can call child protective services, tell them I am considering relinquishing my parental rights, and it's my understanding that he will be brought to a secure facility. At this point I am pretty clear that I am not happy with out patient treatment, even if it's day treatment, but I'm feeling forced back to a lower level of care. difficult child is calling the shots through non-compliance. I have a pretty good idea that I could exert a ton of energy and get him place at day treatment, one way or another. And that it would work well for about 4 months - because he's good a new things - then it will 4 months later, he will be 4 months older and I will be back here sending this same message. I am tired. I think it was playing with fire. I think I want CPS and am a little not ready to call them so I said to the outpatient place "I cannot take care of him." That is a true statement, no doubt. I think I was saying it to see if they would call. Surely, if you are reading this, you are asking yourself, but what about his father, can't he go live there? First- his father already has a CPS finding against him for inadequate guardianship. During the course of our marriage I was not allowed out of his site. He stopped stalking me when he got together with a new woman who is now about to have his child. They live close-by. He has, in the past, refused to take difficult child in. He took him in once after things were really dangerous here and I had difficult child arrested on a mental health warrant - ex took him in to avoid him difficult child actual treatment. He's really against having him live there, there's a 1 in 25 change he would agree to take him for a bit. But all that is going to do is get difficult child a few months older. The 2 of them rarely spend time together, but since I have planned this inpatient thing they are bonding a lot- having meals together, etc. And having difficult child live with me, refusing to care for him in a significant way, feels like ex's one last avenue of exerting control on my life. So, no, that's not really a very good idea. So, I'm out of good options. Bad options are go back to a lower level of care to buy time. But I actually want difficult child to receive care. I want him to get better. Every bit of bought time is him older, closer to me having no control. And my other options- jail and CPS- those are both using my control to place him with the state and hoping that behavior on my part has an impact, or that he has such a terrible experience there that inpatient starts to look appealing and he won't run away. This is really a sucky situation.