biomom says moving to our town...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Sep 14, 2013.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We have lucked out for about 3 years... she moved out of state, but now says she is moving to our town to "be there for her girls". She has only called twice in the last 12 months!

    Here is a little history: She has 4 kids from 4 guys that now range from 13 to 25. We adopted the two younger girls (now 13 and 15) the 17 year old son was sent to his bio father, and the oldest grew up with his biodad for a few years, but mainly his step mom. Biomom has never really held a job, had her own place, or been a productive member of society. I have been on a Washington webisite and saw a list of about 25 court cases in her name from the late 1980's to the present. 4 cases since she moved to that state.

    I need to figure out a balance of what our girls want... and what they need... when it comes to having contact with their mom. ALso, I heard from her brother, who said their mom called him and also verified the story that she is moving here. Her parents don't have much to do with her and only hear from her occasionally. It sounds like her health is deteriorating, she has lost most of her front teeth, and has packed on the pounds. Just seeing their mom in this condition would be worrisome to my girls.

    THe sad thing is... no matter how she has disappointed them, they still want/need a relationship with her. Luckily, the older two do not want anything to do with her. Our therapist has said that to keep the girls from her entirely would probably back fire... as they would imagine how wonderful things would be with her. He says it is better to see her as she is than to have a fantasy relationship.

    Can a person get a restraining order before they do anything wrong? Do I have to wait? husband and I have already decided that any phone calls would be on speaker phone... and we will not leave her alone with the girls at all... I don't really fear her hurting the girls, she wouldn't physically hurt them... but I am afraid that she will try to alienate them from us, or try to have them make allegations against us to get them removed from us. She told her mom that the native tribe the girls (and mom's side of the family) are going to help her get the girls back. I can't believe they could do much... as we adopted 8 years ago, and the children were removed from her 10 years ago. The parents (my son and their biomom) signed over their rights to us so we could adopt.

    Has anyone else dealt with tribal issues? Even if we manage to keep her at a distance for the most part, I am afraid once the girls are 18, she will try to get them to move in with her at that time. She is a mess. I hate to even think of that happening.

  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

    Nowadays, kids often see their bio. parents when they get older, from eighteen on up and there is really nothing we can legally do to stop them from doing this. It does not sound like this would be in their best interests, but I do think that your therapist has a good point.

    Wishing you the best.