Catch Me I'm Falling

[Hound dog]

Over in shock!

It seems Mr. Tightwad is on borrowed time. I don't know what has opened her eyes, but Nichole is seeing him for what and who he truely is.

easy child asked Nichole last evening why she had that she thought she'd just wasted 4 yrs on someone stated in her MySpace blog. (we were talking about mates in general) Nichole said it's true. She thinks she has wasted 4 yrs on boyfriend. After all this time he still doesn't treat her well, nor shows any hint of commitment.

Now I thought that was significant as she is no longer defending boyfriend. BAD SIGN for him.

BUT then after easy child went home Nichole wanted to talk. She is fed up. boyfriend treats her like a little kid. Everything has to be done His Way or not at all. She said the driver's permit thing was a prime example. Turns out she didn't think she'd studied enough for it to take it the day she did. But boyfriend bullied her into the car, drove her there and refused to leave until she took the test. Evidently this is a common thing. She told me that it turned out well wasn't the point. He never takes what she has to say seriously or into consideration.

Then she told me what happened at the movies. I'd watched Aubrey yesterday afternoon while they went to the Batman movie Nichole has wanted to see since it came out. I didn't have a problem with it because Nichole had spent hours helping me clean up the patio and disasterous back yard. Now they were supposed to see this movie last week but boyfriend suddenly backed out at the last minute. (normal for him) So Nichole told him he had to buy the family supper if I was watching Aubrey. lol

I was surprised she came back in a foul mood since he had finally done something she wanted to do. Turns out that he had to spoil the movie for her. When they got popcorn we have a stand where you can add different cheeses to it. boyfriend put cheese into his soda straw and blew it right into her eyes. Her eyes burn all during the movie. Not enough, he then thought it funny to ram the straw into her throat during the movie.

She said Mom, he didn't have to ruin it for me. Why does he always do that?

Mom kept quiet. lol

Nichole's also be frustrated because she'll have sitter problems next quarter. Her main paramedic class is on sat 9-5pm. Daycare is closed. boyfriend's Dad offered to sit for Aubrey because boyfriend wouldn't. Then she also has classes on Tues and thurs nights. Daycare will close before she's out of class. I'd watch her, but I have a sign language class at the same time on the same days. easy child also has a class. boyfriend won't tell her if he'll watch the baby so she can stop worrying.

She told me last night...To H*ll with him, Mom. He's not stopping me this time. I'm not putting my life on hold for him. I'm taking my classes and he'll just have to deal with it.



Last night boyfriend announced he wasn't taking Nichole to the outlet mall as he'd promised. No reason. Just a way to hurt her. He used money as an excuse. But Nichole didn't fall for it. She told him it was just because it was something she wanted to do. And as always he had to control if, when, and how it happened. Money, she said, wasn't an issue because she wasn't planning to use his money to buy school clothes. She's using a small portion of her school loan.

This morning they were arguing over it again. She told boyfriend that he is a carbon copy of his mother. A major control freak. And that she hated his mother, and wasn't so sure she can spend her life with a control freak. Every time boyfriend got nasty with her she'd hang up on him. lol And thru all of this she never raised her voice.

I'm assuming they worked it out enough for her to go with him to his family reunion because she wasn't here when I came back from garage saling.

Wow. In 4 long yrs never has Nichole talked like this either to or about boyfriend. She is not holding back to spare his feelings, but telling him like it is. Now this is the little girl I've always known!

I'm not getting hopes up. But I think boyfriend's time is running out fast.

Oh, and I'll be letting her know that if necessary I'll drop the sign language class to watch Aubrey. That way she won't have to worry sick over it. But I want her to push for boyfriend to watch her first. I'll just be back up.

 

[Andy]

Go Nicole Go - Get rid of that controlling creep. You CAN NOT live your life under ANYONE'S control. You are your own special person with dreams and plans - you find someone to support you, someone who understands that a true relationship is give and take nicely. No one is to be in control of anyone else - that is ABUSE. You have been abused too long by this person.

His behavior at the movie is so childish - He is not happy unless he is making someone miserable.

I wish she would not have gone to the reunion today. He is going to behave so lovey dovey around his family. Telling them how special Nicole is and how lucky he is to have her. He is going to try to touch her heart and she may not be as strong about this new decision when she gets back?

 

[witzend]

Blew cheese powder in her eyes? What a POS. I'm glad that she's realizing she doesn't have to put up with it. Hopefully she'll start putting that idea into practice on a regular basis.

Honestly, I don't care how badly I wanted to see the movie, I would have walked out the door and left his sorry behind there, even if it meant taking a bus home.

 

[Hound dog]

boyfriend doesn't treat Nichole any better around his family. A fact that ticks his grandparents off to no end as they've grown to love Nichole.

Witz, I would have walked out at the movies too. But Nichole is still learning. Both easy child and I had told her last night he'd have been toast 4 yrs ago when he didn't defend her when some other guy grabbed her breast if he'd been our boyfriend. lol

I'm just releaved she's finally starting the "I deserve to be treated with respect" thing. I was worried she might never get it.

I wonder if the being able to maintain stability without medications has been an eye opener for Nichole. boyfriend was drumming into her head that everything was her fault because she is crazy. That everything she felt, every emotion she had, ect was because she is crazy. He was always the victim, when in fact 90 percent of the time the opposite was true.

Now off medications for many months, still stable, she is beginning to see she has a right to feel her own feelings and that her emotions are valid, not simply because she is "crazy". She still will ask easy child or I for reassurance that her reactions are normal for given circumstances, he had drummed that into her head so much.

I hope she continues to gain confidence and demand respect. As for kicking him to the curb, like I said, I'm not getting hopes up yet.

 

[Suz]

Fingers crossed, Lisa. Nichole has come a long way!

Suz

 

[mrscatinthehat]

So good that he eyes are starting to open.

beth

 

[everywoman]

She just keeps growing up on us doesn't she. I think, in time, she will tire of him completely. Then he'll just be Aubrey's daddy and she will find someone who will love and cherish her the way she deserves to be!!!

 

[donna723]

I'm so proud of her! And I'm so glad that she's finally standing up for herself, seeing him for what he is, and demanding the respect that she deserves. And if he's that much of a controlling overbearing moron, he won't like that one little bit ... which will probably make him act like even more of a horses patootie for a while, and that could be what finally does it for her and gets her to dump him permanently! If they've been together that long and he's never treated her well, he isn't ever going to either! And treating her that way in front of their child is a huge "NO-NO"!

If she ever meets a really nice, caring, supportive, respectful guy, she will be so amazed at the difference and Mr. Controlling Horses Patootie will be ancient history! Nichole, you go girl!

 

[Shari]

Everything has to start somewhere. Even if it takes a while, at least it seems its finally started.

 

[susiestar]

I hope she continues to see that he is not good for her. Blowing cheese powder into your girl friend's eyes is abusive, it causes physical pain. I am glad she is wising up.

Once they are no longer dating this guy will either make a move for custody (no chance), shared parenting (to avoid child support) but he won't actually want to have her on his days, or he will have nothing to do with the baby. I hope that Nichole will be ready to sue for child support, or to move on and find someone who truly knows how to love both Aubrey and herself.

It must be so hard to have held your tongue so far (asmuch as you have). She is really growing up into a strong, intelligent woman, andit is great!

 

[flutterbee]

She's been heading in this direction for a long time. I'm so so so happy to read this. I'm so proud. Feel like a proud mama!

As I've told you before, this relationship reminds me almost verbatim of me and easy child's dad.

I'm still here - and will continue to be - cheering Nichole on.

(Just don't ask me to wear the short skirt. )

 

[trinityroyal]

Lisa, I'm so glad to hear that Nichole is starting to see the light with regard to how boyfriend treats her. AND that she's refusing to put up with it.

It sounds like she is learning the fine art of detaching, not buying into boyfriend's crama or manipulation. Yay Nichole!

(Three guesses as to who she learned the fine art of detachment from...the first 2 don't count. Yay Lisa, for giving Nichole such a good and wise example to learn from)

This makes my heart glad.

Trinity