Coworker's fat comment has me upset and more determined than ever

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Californiablonde, May 31, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    So this morning my coworker/supervisor pulled me aside and told me some students were making fun of me. Apparently when I stood up my shirt went up a little and they were making rude comments. Then my supervisor told me that I need to to watch what I wear because all my tops show off my fat. Since gaining 50 pounds from being on Remeron, I have been very self consious about my weight. I used to be a size four a year ago but now I'm plus sized and this is the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I am constantly having to pull my shirts down because they keep riding up on me because of my weight. So I get what my supervisor is saying. But I honestly can't believe she used the word "fat." I am very hurt and upset by it. I don't mind the students comments as much because they are teenagers and it's to be expected. But my coworker is old enough to know better. I thought it was common sense to most people not to use the word fat to someone's face. Apparently she doesn't have common sense.

    So now I got a wake up call. I attempted to go to Weight Watchers several months ago but I only went to one meeting. I couldn't afford to go back. Since then I have been eating terribly and I gained even more weight. When I went to my Weight Watcher's meeting I found out I gained 40 pounds. I have since gained more weight. I don't know how much because I don't have a scale. But I went up two jean sizes and I am now plus sized. I only have one pair of jeans that fit me now, so I have to keep washing them and wearing them over and over again. I am guessing I have gained a total of 60 pounds within the last year. While I was on Remeron I was hungry all the time and I ate massive amounts of food. Since stopping Remeron a few months ago I got in the habit of eating so much and I continued to eat a lot of bad food and big quantities. I am ashamed of myself for letting myself get this big. If I don't do something about it now, it will only get worse. So my mom has offered to pay for difficult child and I to go to Weight Watchers. I am going to take her up on it. I was going to wait till a weekend where I would have difficult child home with me so we could go together. But now I feel it's urgent to start now. So I am going to my first meeting tomorrow and then I will sign difficult child up later. That fat comment really got to me and now I'm determined to do something about it.
  2. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    From the things your supervisor sometimes says I think she is a difficult child or possibly she s just effen rude as hell and has no social skills makes no difference really.

    You go to weight watchers and you show this lady! You may have gained weight but you can lose weight and she's an ill tempered b word, and it's much harder to change that.

    I worked once in an office where all the females were assistant clerical workers of some kind and the office was totally male dominated, it was incredibly stressful for these little snide comments it didn't help that I was 21 and they were middle aged and were just looking for things to be snarky about. I was hired for my looks but I did the job they paid me to do very well and brought thousands of dollars into the company. I think being good at my job made it worse.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    CalifBlonde, sometimes it takes that type of rudeness to wake us up. Aside from hurting your feelings, she may have done you a favor down the line in regard to your heart, thyroid, and joints, to say the least.
    She could have used the word "skin." There are lots of people in my area who work in doctors offices, who wear very low-cut tops, and when I am standing at the sign-in desk, I can see everything! It is so unprofessional and in some instances, gross. Somebody's got to say something, so I resort to waiting for the email surveys that offices send out now.

    I used to be best friends with-someone who had a serious issue about time. I tend to run late. Apparently she had been brooding for some time, and never told me.
    We mixed signals one day and I didn't even show up at all when we were supposed to meet somewhere. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. (Yes, I called to say I was coming and she never answered her phone. She was partially at fault. Long story.)
    She wrote me a scathing letter, telling me I was a liar and user and numerous other things.
    We're casual acquaintances now.

    But you know what? I'm not late as much any more. :)
    It hurt. I will never forget it.
    But in many ways, she was right. She just went about it the wrong way.

    I feel for you.
    I bet you'll make a lot of friends in this group. I have lots of friends who have joined Weight Watchers. You'll be amazed at how many people are there, and in the same boat.
    I have no idea what you look like but I'm guessing you're blonde, lol! And to go from a 4 to a plus size in a year is scary.
    Your mom sounds like a keeper. :)
    Best of luck.
  4. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I plan on losing at least half my weight by the time I go back to work in September. I lost about fifteen pounds last summer but nobody at work even noticed when I came back. And then I gained the weight back plus some. I am so ashamed of myself. But now I'm determined. I lose weight easier in warmer weather because heat totally kills my appetite. So I am confident I can lose it but I'm just really impatient!
  5. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well what makes it worse is that my coworker is 120 pounds, blonde hair, and a size daughter. She is a total fashionista. Wears short skirts, low cut tops, very high heels, and matching handbags. She is always getting compliments on her looks. We are the only two people in the attendance department. We both share an office and sit right next to each other. I used to be 120 pounds and a size D. People used to nickname us the barbie twins because of our blonde hair and our looks. I used to dress really cute with high heels and all. A couple of years ago she accused me of trying to look just like her. But I wasn't. I was only dressing the way I always have all my life. She then told me that several students were making fun of me and accusing me of being a wannabe and trying to be just like her. It hurt my feelings then what she said about me but I brushed it off. Now we don't get called the barbie twins anymore. Now she's the cute and skinny one and I'm the fat one. My self esteem is at an all time low.
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Screw her, she's obviously not going to be part of your support system. So who will be? That is the question. Will your boyfriend support your efforts to lose weight? Will he encourage you (NICELY) to eat the right things, go for walks with you, get you a good kitchen scale, etc.? Will your difficult child be your weight loss buddy as well? Go swimming together, eat good foods together, learn to eat right together (so that she can eat right, and eat right sized portions, for life)?

    Forget those who aren't helpful to you in this, and focus on you, your goals, and those that can help you achieve those goals.
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Californiablonde, I am so sorry people are idiots. I have also gained a lot of weight, I needed it, but I feel horrible -just as awful as you do- it's awful to feel like this. I'm a normal weight but feel obese and very upset about it.
    We both have to change the way we see ourselves. You want to be healthy and we have to focus on what is healthy for us. Don't ever get on the scale. Worry about being healthy and not about fat or skinny. Don't let let anyone dictate your self-worth. She is miserable and has problems of her own, clearly! Remember that, how dare she speak to you like that!
  8. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    She is totally shoe crazy. She has about a dozen different porcelain stillettos on her desk. She was leaving work and told me to have a good weekend. When she got up one of the shoes fell over and broke. She was so upset. I had to hide a smile. Serves her right!
  9. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    She is a gross, vile, passive agressive person who always couches her put-downs in "the students are saying...." She is a coward and a witch.
    My easy child started weight watcher's a few months ago, and has begun a transformation I thought I'd never see. She began dating a really great guy in Jan., and had about 50 lbs. to lose. I think this romance is motivating her, finally. She started w.w. online only - she's not into meetings - but she shops for herself, knows how many points she can have in a day, and has lost about 15 lbs. so far, and she looks great. She goes to the gym and does yoga and is eating properly and consciously for the first time in a long time. W.W. has a lot of excellent phone apps, so when you join, and you go to the supermarket, you just scan the barcode of the item you're thinking of buying and it'll tell you how many points a serving is. Also, the apps have many chain restaurants and the points value of several meals in each restaurant, to make life easier.
    The main adjustment is knowing that most of our eating is emotional. It's remarkable how small our portions should be based on our sedentary lifestyle, but how much food we eat without realizing it. W.W. helps you to focus on just the right portion size and mindfulness while eating. It's a lifestyle, not a diet.
    I wish you luck and don't let the a$$holes get you down!
  10. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    With caring, I am demanding that you stop the negative self talk! Hugs. I've been the worst through my life at the self loathing messages that tank your self worth. And when that happens, where does solace come from? More comfort food. And on the cycle worsens. Not to mention, we are NOT defined as people by our weight, skin, hair, clothes, blah blah blah. Others may be butt head morons and put us down. No shame on you (stop being ashamed, please!!!!!), shame on THOSE PEOPLE. Frankly. people who do that? I don't care if she's size 0 with triple F's. Her self esteem is so in the tank that she can't feel good but for putting others down to feel superior. It hurts of course when ignorant people make cruel statements. As I tell my beautiful easy child (Who has lost 30lbs healthy ways in a year and looks FABULOUS), let it sting because you're human, then pity them. Frankly, it's not about you at all when people do nasty things like that. Remind yourself that it is about THEM in that moment in their sub concious. A deep self loathing and lack of self esteem that drives ugly from their tongues to try to for one second feel better by putting another down. Then brush off that sting, and let those people carry THEIR garbage and baggage, it's theirs to own and not yours.

    I'll repeat, stop feeling "ashamed". Feeling uncomfortable in your body size, or shape, or clothes or unhealthy or disappointed in yourself? Natural. And can be motivating when you change your inner voice that speaks to you. WOrk it until it becomes natural thoughts, not forced. I am not a bad person, I'm struggling like millions of others with weight and I want to feel good, and feel more confident and lose weight. I can do it and it's a process, not a event in a blink of an eye. I'm worth the effort, and it won't be easy, and I'll mess up at times and have to brush off and get it back on track because I'm human. But I've got this and I can do it, and I"m doing it for ME because I'm worth being the best me that I need to be for MYSELF to feel fantastic in my own body.

    And while you're doing that? Love the skin you're in! Whatever size or shape. We are all beautiful individual unique creates with wonderful things to offer this world. Our bodies are shells for who we really ARE. But those shells, face it, do matter on another personal level and that is OK. But when you love the skin you are in NOW? Even while trying to change that skin and change that body, you improve your chance of long term success in the weight loss goals. Because a sure way to battle weight endlessly, is self loathing and inability to LOVE the skin you're in.

    When alone during or after a shower or whatever, don't be ashamed and not look at yourself or in a mirror. And when you look, take off the jaded self loathing glasses just long enough to stop focusing on the parts you want to work on. Instead, inspect and find what you love. Have a great butt, and will be even greater for your self esteem with weight loss? Love that butt (hope that brought a giggle at least). Legs, chest, neck, shoulders, ankles, cheek bones, whatever it is that you know you are loving. It gets easier the more that you do it. And suddenly with fresher less self loathing lenses, you'll start looking at places you weren't noticing right away and be thinking wow why did I hate xyz so much on my body? Not so bad after all!!

    I had gastric bypass, best decision EVER but I was seriously morbidly obese and was scared for my life and health. Kept it off a long time at a goal weight. Loved the skin I was in. Since developing MS, between periods of steroids or inability to be physical during flares, and overall inability to maintain consistent exercise, I gained. And it stunk and I ate more comfort food that I'd been loving life without. I'll always be a foodie. I like food and that's OKAY. I'm unhappy at my weight. I'm a size 14 now. I'd been in a size 6 skirt. Probably first time since age, well, maybe 8? So that's a jump that I'm NOT okay with. And I'm working it. And I have success, and then I slide back. But I've learned to keep trying and not beat myself up, but keep working it. And I've learned to love the skin I'm in. And I really hope for you that you can as well. I swear by it being a key ingredient to a healthy body size.

    Hugs and I have complete faith you can do this!!!

    PS. If I win the lotto on my ticket tonight, I'm flying in to whoop some Barbie behind. I promise to pretend it's some random stranger thing, so don't act like maybe you know the looney toon who just attacked Cruella. It will be me, but shhhhh. It'll be our secret.
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hon, i gained a lot while i was pregnant. More than i should have. I lost a chunk and then went back to work and have gained a lot back. I don't like it, but darn it's hard to get rid of! So I'm right there with you. But you know what the chill thing is about this board? We see your heart. And that is beautiful.

    Fwiw, i always imagined you as a size 8 or 10, about 5 foot 7, platinum blonde, gorgeous without makeup and in jeans, tshirts and flip flops...
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This woman is a witch and a coward and has VERY POOR self esteem. She gets her self worth by saying horrible things to you and about you, and to/about others. Please see her words for the bullying cruelty they are, and NOT as the real truth. I dont' care what you weigh, her remarks are unacceptable and could present a HUGE problem for the school as she is creating a hostile work environment and you CAN sue if you catch her saying these things where others can hear or on a recorder. There is no excuse for her bullying rude-ness.

    Children are rude, it is something we work to teach them to outgrow and to not display. Clearly she is NOT a good role model for the children at your school.

    If you look at her life, I am SURE there are things that are not perfect, and you are nice enough not to point them out. You may need to lose weight, but you are a nice person and in my opinion that is vastly more important than being skinny or wearing the latest clothes or shoes. VASTLY.

    Go to the doctor and get your thyroid checked. It is common for it to not function as well and it can be a HUGE hurdle to losing weight. If you end up not losing weight and really cutting calories and increasing activity, you likely have a thyroid problem. That is how mine was found. With a thyroid that isn't active enough, you pretty much cannot lose weight at all. So keep an eye on that.

    WW is great if you want to lose weight and can afford it and wll stick to it. There are other online programs and apps that can help, and I am sure you can succeed if you focus on the positives about losing weight and yoru goals.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Do it for yourself. People who would make such a mean comment like that one aren't worth doing anything for (of course, if you do look great, she will notice...teehee). I'm in WW and have kicked up the exercise too. I lost eleven pounds in two months just by mindful eating, tracking everything, and working out a lot more. And I take those "hunger" medications too (sigh).

    You show 'em, girl!!!!!! :)
  14. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Seriously, the "students" are saying?

    Your co-worker has an acute maturity problem and your supervisor needs a crash course in Emily Post. I work with students, and if even ONE of them had said something mean or rude about another staff member, I would have put the smack down on that so fast their inappropriate heads would have spun like a top. I also would have calmly grilled my co-worker like a cheeseburger regarding her inappropriate conversations about a co-worker with students. All the while doing it with my ever-so-sweet Cheshire Cat grin on my face.

    And dressing up like her? Really? You mean in that middle school-like way? I would have laughed so hard at that one. Daughter was "accused" of that by a friend in middle school. I told daughter to tell her friend that MILLIONS of those pants that she's deluded to think are only owned by her are worn by kids all over the world. Your co-worker seems to have delusions of her own.

    I have always had food issues that resulted in weight issues. I've been called "fat" plenty of times and middle age has only made it all the harder to grapple with it. I've had a student tell me that another student said something mean about my weight, but never another adult. Does it hurt? Of course. But I don't believe in losing weight to exact revenge or to "show them". Do it because YOU want to and because it's your health. WW is excellent.

    I do think that at times it is good for us to get a glimpse of how others see us. I was told the other day that I said "um and you know" too much and that I needed to eliminate them. I'm VERY sensitive to criticism and I really had to take a deep breath when I heard it. So, I'm working on it. It's funny, though, because I heard that same person do the same thing later in the day. I couldn't call her out on it because I need a letter of recommendation from her;)

  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You may have gained weight but you can lose weight and she's an ill tempered b word, and it's much harder to change that.

    True, lol!
  16. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh! I have gained weight, too. It is a neverending battle. WW has worked for me in the past. I find myself facing other health issues and have opted for the Wheat Flour Free course of eating to try to feel good before I focus on the weight. You cant motivate to go to the gym when you feel crappy all the time.

    You can do this! Are you still taking the medication that caused the weight gain?
  17. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    A few years ago I had a gastroenterologist finally scare me into losing weight. I had tried to lose weight for years. I saw dieticians who frankly didn't help. I saw specialists. The advice I got was often too broad. I would often be told to eat more, that I was starving myself too much. Then my immunologist said, "It's simple. Calories in, calories out." While I don't fully agree with that, when I finally began to lose weight, that was pretty close to it.

    What helped me - first, doing it for me, because my health was not good. I had fatty liver (not from drinking - when I first started having liver problems I cut out all alcohol even though I didn't drink much anyway). I set some general rules in place - cut out certain foods entirely, allow others in unlimited quantity, try to eat certain foods each day. The other really important thing - don't say, "I must be size X by such-and-such a date," because you're setting yourself up for failure. Don't lose the weight just to show someone else. Lose it for you. And if creep-features cow doesn't notice you've lost weight (and honey, she will notice but if she said anything it would be to tell you that you look gaunt, everyone's talking about it) don't worry about it. If you know you've lost 20 pounds and nobody says anything, then you obviously didn't look that bad to begin with. But I bet you will feel a lot healthier, and this is what this is all about.

    Forget what you look like. Do this to feel good. And do it slowly. I kept most of the weight off for a number of years. I've gained weight recently but I'm still a fair bit below the weight I was when I began my diet.

    My rules that worked for me -

    1) cut out all sugar and foods with added sugar. That means no sweets (I did eat a couple of squares of dark chocolate every day, though - dark chocolate is good for you but you only need a tiny amount).

    2) Cut out refined carbs. I eliminated all potato, for example. For a while. Cut out all white rice. Utterly, completely. Eliminated all white bread. Instead, I would eat a small amount of brown rice (cooked my own, would re-heat my serve in the microwave). By "small amount" I mean about two Tablespoonsful of cooked brown rice. One slice of wholegrain bread a day, max. I used to make an open sandwich.

    3) Eliminate as much fat as possible. Don't put butter on your bread, but a small amount of mayonnaise instead. Or I might use a little pesto sauce as a base for a salad sandwich (open face).

    4) Don't eat yogurt, don't drink milk. In your coffee and on your cereal is okay, but don't consume in quantity, there's a lot of lactose in milk and it puts the weight on. I would sometimes give in and drink milk, then find my weight loss had stalled for a few days as a result.

    5) Eat at least 12 different plant products a day. You can 'cheat' and use mixed herbs as several plant products, but it can become a game. it also means you're eating a variety, often of what is in season, and this helps you feel less jaded by your diet. It also keeps you healthier.

    6) Eat all the vegetables you want (other than the potato I mentioned). You can have sweet potato and pumpkin. You can use sauces and a smear of butter for flavour, but be sensible.

    7) Limit yourself to one piece of fruit a day. If you're active, then you can have two. This does not include bananas - they are off your list. But you can eat all the strawberries and mangoes you want. They don't count.

    7) Eat protein for two meals a day at least. The amount of protein - about the size of the palm of your hand at each meal. I love fried eggs and have a non-stick pan. I would rub a stick of butter over the cold pan (then put the butter back in the fridge). Heat the pan, and break in the egg. Two eggs if they were small. I would eat them on a plate, not on anything. Just the eggs, no toast.

    8) If you're feeling hungry, keep telling yourself that you don't need it. Have a glass of water instead, unless it's been two to three hours since you ate anything. Then, if you're really feeling faint, eat something sensible. Eat a small amount and wait. If you're really famished, your blood sugar will respond within seconds and help you feel better (if that is what's wrong). It doesn't take much - remember the hypoglycemia attack in Steel Magnolias with Julia Roberts? A couple of minutes, tops.

    I find that eating fast food is tricky. Finding something healthy is the problem. When you put these rules in place, you can discover, when you're out shopping for example, how hard it is to find something to eat within these rules. That is when I began to realise why I had been having so much difficulty losing weight.
    For example, I avoided the burgers with their large, starchy bread rolls. No fried foods such as fried chicken. Definitely no fries - eat one, and you want more. So early in my diet, I saw a health food shop selling rice paper rolls - a selection of healthy things like snow pea sprouts, some shredded cooked chicken, shredded carrot, all rolled up in a rather glutinous rice paper wrapper. I figured, most of it is good stuff, I can get away with the wrapper. I bought one. Bit into it, and found that they had put in the good stuff, true, but also included a large amount of rice vermicelli - pure carbs. I enjoyed it but it was actually no healthier than a Big Mac (except it was a lot smaller).
    It took me ages to hunt around to find fast food that came in small packages that was also relatively healthy and not carb-laden. I've realised that most fast food places make their money from carbs. Cheap calories for them. So shops that sell takeaway curries or stews serve them with a lot of rice. A LOT of rice. Sandwich shops often use thick rolls, and even where they use bread, they're large slices. Or thick slices.

    What I have eventually settled on - it works for me, in Australia, you mightn't have the same options. But keep your eyes peeled, and apply those rules where you can. So I found an Indian takeaway food, chicken tikka, which is basically a marinated barbecued chicken thigh fillet. It's delicious. Normally people buy several of them and have them with rice, with poppadoms or with naan bread. All delicious, of course. But I've started buying just one tikka, and on its own. Or some shops will serve it on a plate with a little plain salad and some minted yogurt (it's a sauce, so it's permitted). Another plus - it's a really cheap meal. It might only stop me from being ravenous for a couple of hours, but it does make a difference. You can't lose weight without feeling hungry and without craving the bad stuff, but if you can persist, you can overcome the cravings. If you give way, don't beat yourself up about it, just get back on the wagon again after your 'treat'. But not too many treats too often!

    Other fast food that helps (in moderation) - sushi. I look for sushi pieces that are not too big, and that have some protein and a few different plant products in them. We have one called "California roll" which fits the bill, although my favourite sushi has raw tuna and red caviar. Again, cheap but not as cheap as chicken tikka.

    You will have to source your own. Something I have done, is ask for a burger on a plate, no bun. Lie and tell them you're gluten-intolerant. It might cost the same, but trying to save money by buying the whole lot, means that if you eat that burger bun, all the calories are going onto your belly and that is not good economics.

    If you're hungry, splurge on strawberries and mango. Or eat a carrot. Or three. A bowl of hot mashed sweet potato makes a great base for a slow-cooked casserole. Aim for lots of flavour in your cooking. The more you cook for yourself, the healthier you will be. If cooking is not your favourite thing, then cook in bulk and eat the leftovers over the net few days, or freeze leftovers in meal serves. Take one of your home-cooked meals in to work for your lunch - as I said, any food you buy away from home is likely to be overloaded with carbs or sugar, and hidden calories. You can eat a healthy, filling meal that is just as satisfying (and cheaper) if you cook your own. Don't tell people you're on a diet. Tell them it's a health kick. Or natural living.

    As the weight comes off (and I do recommend you buy some scales, weigh yourself the same time every day, naked) then you can relax the diet a little. Eat one roast potato. A small amount of mashed potato. But you will notice, the first time you ease the rules, that eating carbs leaves a sour taste in your mouth a few minutes after you've finished it, and it makes you want to eat more of it to make that taste go away. When you eliminate it, you don't notice that aftertaste.

    Good luck!

  18. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your support. I can always count on everyone here making me feel better. I went to Weight Watchers on Saturday. At first I didn't want to know how much I weighed. At my last visit three months ago I weighed 164 and I thought that was bad enough. I thought for sure that I must have gained at least 15 to 20 pounds since then. I thought I would have about 60 pounds to lose total. But I accidentally saw my current weight when the lady wrote it down and my weight was 171. So it's not as much as I had feared. I gained six pounds since my last Weight Watcher's visit. So to get to my goal weight of 125 I need to lose 46 pounds. Still a lot to lose and the most I have ever weighed in my life, but it's not as bad as I thought. So I know I can do this. I am hoping I can lose at least half of it during summer before I go back to work in September. My mom is paying for me to go to Weight Watchers so I have more motivation to lose it. I will be weighed once a week so I will be held accountable. Plus I don't want my mom to be wasting her money. So I know I will be successful in my weight loss. Thanks again ladies for all your kind words.
  19. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I'm a little late to the party, but I just wanted to say not to let this witch get to you. She was mean and rude and childish. The only good thing about this is that she spurred you into doing something about your weight. But don't do it because she made a rude comment. Do it for your health. Do it so that you can look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and smile because you like what you see.
  20. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I planned on losing the weight long before her rude comment but she did make me get a jump start on it. I was going to wait a couple of weeks till difficult child and I could go together but I decided to go last Saturday instead. My mom agreed to pay for it, God bless her heart. I know I'm really serious because I just bought a new bag of honey mustard potato chips yesterday and all I had was one. I just wanted to try one and see what it tasted like. It was good, but I didn't allow myself to have any more. Instead I opened a jar of green beans for a snack. Great thing about Weight Watchers is that fruits and vegetables are zero points. I love green veggies with my no calorie spray butter and I love mangoes and strawberries. I am going to stock up on some fresh fruit when I go grocery shopping this Friday. I think my stomach is already shrinking cause I don't feel as hungry as I used to. I know I can do this!