Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MICHL, May 19, 2007.
What would need to happen to have difficult child live in a foster home or be taken away?
It differs by state. This is a serious consideration. Is the county children mental health team involved with difficult child?
Is this being suggested as an option for you or are you asking because you can no longer handle parenting your difficult child? Many times CPS is going to do eveything possible to keep a family together.
I know that all states are different but I just went through this process here and can tell you my experience.
I filed a CHINS(Child In Need of Services) at the juvenile court in my area. We had a hearing 2 days later and I told the judge that I could no longer manage my difficult child#1 at home. She was defiant, threatening, assaultive to her brother, staying out all night etc. I told the judge I wanted her placed outside of the home. difficult child#1 went to a foster home that day(back in the middle of April) and she is sitll there. We have services together now working with our family.
Can I ask what's going on with you that makes you ask that question?
I don't have answers for your last two posts, but I sense desperation and fear. Just want to let you know that I will keep you in my prayers.
No, but I can't handle him. I want him out. CPS is not involved nor have I been reported for anything. When he is in a rage and throwing things and breaking things, I say some really horrible mean things to him.... really really bad, and I mean them too. Is that enough? Just want to add we've been the counseling route for years and it did not improve his behavior or outlook. Ocassionaly I smack him when he is in a psychotic rage, but it doesn't leave a mark.
I was a "therapeutic foster parent." At least for us, we didn't get any special training or insight--all the "therapeutic" meant was we were willing to take difficult, older kids. We did not get the help we requested and were as clueless as to what to do as the bio. parents. Some foster parents can be very judgemental and self-righteous about how it's all your fault, and I know some bio. parents who were treated very poorly and had no input into their kids. There is sometimes a honeymoon. Often the kid is an angel for a while, then acts up and the f. parents ask for removal. A child can end up in many placements and it won't be up to you when he comes home. We got so disgusted with the system that we quit. Look into it carefully, talk to people who have done it, and don't take social services word for how it will be. JMO and experience, but I don't think they keep their word, in general. It probably depends on who your social worker is, but you're taking a risk, unless you really just don't care and want the child out of the home. Although I"m not a big Residential Treatment Center (RTC) fan, I think RTCs are a little better. At least the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will keep the child. But CPS is CPS. You may not have the control over your child's treatment that you want to have. CPS also tried to terminate the rights of the parents of a few kids we had, but we don't know if it ever happened because the kids were sent elsewhere. Good luck with your decision. in my opinion, do careful research and make an informed decision. Once you're involved with the government, it's hard to get out of it. You usually can't just change your mind. Hugs to you. Sounds very difficult to you. Has his autism ever been addressed? My guess is that a foster family is unlikely to know one thing about Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. Heck, my son's teacher didn't know about it. I had to educate her about my son's different way of thinking. A Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified kid is not going to "get with the normal program." They desperately need somebody who understands their disability or they will get beyond frustrated and act out. My son used to; now he doesn't. Has he ever gotten services for autism? Do YOU understand why he is so different? Do you understand Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified? What may look "contrary" or "oppositional" or "bad" can be part of the disorder, and interventions can really help. It's NOT a psychiatric or behavioral problem, not at the core. My guess is that the ODD and ADD are just part of the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, possibly not being treated correctly. There's a lot of hope for this disability.
I'm probably not going to do anything to get him out, but I'd like to for sure! In his rages he has kicked many holes in our walls, broken many things, and threatened me with a kitchen knife, among calling me & husband many bad words, which is basically why I sometimes lose my control with him and say some very back things back, which I really do mean at the time. He often refues to brush his teeth or shower. When his teeth start rotting I'm not going to be paying for root canals, etc, believe me. I do everything I can but he often refuses to brush or floss. It disgusts me to no end.
I would second seeing an Autism Specialist. He thinks differently, and that's not a psychiatric condition. Interventions could possibly help him a lot and cut down on the rages that seem to be destroying your relationship.
When's the last time he had a medication review? If he's raging often and severly, then perhaps the medications aren't working or they're not at theraputic levels.
Michl, I understand your disgust HOWEVER lots of kids on the spectrum DON'T CARE about social norms. I have to bribe my fourteen year old to shower and brush his teeth. He doesn't care what others think of him because he's autistic and social norms and even hygiene don't matter to him. He thinks differently. Your child is different and will not think like you. You didn't answer me: Are you aware of what Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified is and is your child getting help for the autism? Kids can LEARN social norms. They still may not care about them and need reminding and they may decide not to worry about it anyways, BUT the child will NOT know the simple things that others pick up all the time if she is not taught. Your child needs many interventions, not your anger. I don't blame you--it's hard, but it's great to educate yourself on this disorder. People with autism have a totally different way of perceiving the world--this is regardless of whether they have very low functioning classic autism or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified or Aspergers Syndrome. Their brains are wired differently and "normal" parenting methods and arguments DO NOT WORK. The more you push, the more frustrating the confused child may get. These kids find the world extremely confusing. If you wish to learn more, I am going to give you the option of going to a few links and check them out. This child is not BAD, he is DIFFERENT, and he can be greatly helped, but medications are not the answer to Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). The ODD and ADD are part of the disorder. I hope you take him to a neuropsychologist who can maybe explain him to you better. in my opinion you are not understanding your child, and he desperately needs you to because he is likely deficient in perceiving people and life in a "typical" way and he needs much, much, much more guidance than a "typical" child. Let me state it again--Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified is AUTISTIC SPECTRUM DISORDER. It is NOT a mental illness. It is a different way of thinking and early interventions work best, but it's never too late unless you let him turn eighteen with no help specific to Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).
I'm another one putting my vote in for Autism testing.
I have one of those "different thinkers" and it can beyond frustrating to parent them because they CAN appear to be neurotypical at times. That makes the behavior seem so deliberate.
I'm sorry you are feeling so worn down. I know what it is like.
difficult child is in a special school program, and I have had several evaluatios for him. I've read some boods on autism spectrum and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/not otherwise specified. I do understand Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and that he is different. He gets frequent medication checks. Sometimes I get so frustrated though and all that goes out the window. I don't always lose my temper with him, but sometimes I can't seem to help it. I think I'm partly difficult child myself, so it's hard for me too. I made an appointment with a counselor for next week to talk it out.
Glad you are starting to be self caring. It's sorely needed when dealing with the daily difficult child antics of our children.
Take a deep breath. Soak in the tub & get yourself a good night's sleep.
I would actually ask his p-doctor to re-evalute his medications, obviously they are not working so well......
Just my 2 cents.
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