raylea
New Member
Hello everyone,
I posted some time ago about my son and his/our issues. I guess you could say we are in a holding pattern, no news from him. Have tried texting and calling a few times, no replies or answers.
Then, last night I found out his best friend from school commited suicide. my son is 22, his friend the same age. During their middle school and high school years his friend lived with us off and on while his mom wasnt able to take care of him, psychological issues at first and then she had medical issues after that. In high school I think he came and stayed with us primarily because it was just too much for him. His mom was home but just wasnt well, I never really questioned too much, just was there for him. I always laughed to myself because he always seemed to show up when we were about to eat. Of course there was always a plate for him.
He and my son were so much alike. So very intelligent but never felt like they fit in with "the crowd". Of course they were tight friends. Then life happened, my son and his friend drifted apart at the close of high school. I moved away, my son moved away and so did his friend. he was never far from my mind though when I would see a mention of a certain video game they always played, or a song from a band they liked and would listen to at our house.
And then last night I heard the awful news. It has affected me so deeply. I think partly because he was like my own son and i cared deeply for this kid and I also feel how easily it could be my own son. His friend had talked with me about things before and it was obvious he suffered from depression. Same as my son. Shortly after my son moved away we were talking on the phone and he told me how unhappy he was and had always been. How he wanted to end it all and be free. of course I told him to Occupational Therapist (OT) talk like that, I loved him so much just hang on, things will get better. He got really upset with me and said "mom, if you really loved me you would accept my decision and let me do what I need to do". That was so profound. If our loved one is truly tired of life and you have honestly seen them struggle with happiness from the time they were old enough to walk, is it sefishness to beg them to stay? Is it just that WE dont want the pain of having them say good bye forever? WE dont want to live with the stigma of having a child take their own lives? " " I would rather you live miserable than me have to suffer losing you" My rational mind tells me to not even think like that. I guess my emotional mind also. Am I a terrible person for thinking like that? I just cant "wrap my head around" this thought and feel terrible.
Anyway, Im 99% sure my son doesnt know about his friends passing. I have been trying to contact him but I think his phone is dead. I want to talk with him so bad but also dread when the time comes and having him find out. Im afraid it will be just enough to tip the scales in his mind and something terrible happens. Im also worring that he already knows and wont or cant have the support he needs for such tragic news.
Please any thoughts or advice, feeling so sad and afraid
I posted some time ago about my son and his/our issues. I guess you could say we are in a holding pattern, no news from him. Have tried texting and calling a few times, no replies or answers.
Then, last night I found out his best friend from school commited suicide. my son is 22, his friend the same age. During their middle school and high school years his friend lived with us off and on while his mom wasnt able to take care of him, psychological issues at first and then she had medical issues after that. In high school I think he came and stayed with us primarily because it was just too much for him. His mom was home but just wasnt well, I never really questioned too much, just was there for him. I always laughed to myself because he always seemed to show up when we were about to eat. Of course there was always a plate for him.
He and my son were so much alike. So very intelligent but never felt like they fit in with "the crowd". Of course they were tight friends. Then life happened, my son and his friend drifted apart at the close of high school. I moved away, my son moved away and so did his friend. he was never far from my mind though when I would see a mention of a certain video game they always played, or a song from a band they liked and would listen to at our house.
And then last night I heard the awful news. It has affected me so deeply. I think partly because he was like my own son and i cared deeply for this kid and I also feel how easily it could be my own son. His friend had talked with me about things before and it was obvious he suffered from depression. Same as my son. Shortly after my son moved away we were talking on the phone and he told me how unhappy he was and had always been. How he wanted to end it all and be free. of course I told him to Occupational Therapist (OT) talk like that, I loved him so much just hang on, things will get better. He got really upset with me and said "mom, if you really loved me you would accept my decision and let me do what I need to do". That was so profound. If our loved one is truly tired of life and you have honestly seen them struggle with happiness from the time they were old enough to walk, is it sefishness to beg them to stay? Is it just that WE dont want the pain of having them say good bye forever? WE dont want to live with the stigma of having a child take their own lives? " " I would rather you live miserable than me have to suffer losing you" My rational mind tells me to not even think like that. I guess my emotional mind also. Am I a terrible person for thinking like that? I just cant "wrap my head around" this thought and feel terrible.
Anyway, Im 99% sure my son doesnt know about his friends passing. I have been trying to contact him but I think his phone is dead. I want to talk with him so bad but also dread when the time comes and having him find out. Im afraid it will be just enough to tip the scales in his mind and something terrible happens. Im also worring that he already knows and wont or cant have the support he needs for such tragic news.
Please any thoughts or advice, feeling so sad and afraid
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