difficult child#2 has lost it again

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by muttmeister, May 21, 2007.

  1. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I am just feeling really down tonight and need to vent to somebody so forgive me if I tend to ramble. I really don't have my head together about this.
    difficult child had been doing fairly well - was going to work every day, etc. For him, that was a huge step forward. Well, no more. :grrr:
    I was gone last week: 5 friends from college and I are all turning 60 this year so we rented a condo in Daytona Beach and went to celebrate. We had a wonderful time but on Friday, the day I was scheduled to fly home, I got a call from difficult child saying he and his wife were fighting and he was too upset to go to work. Supposedly they told him to take a few days off. By the time I got home, he and wife were together again but he has still not gone back to work. Today he said he is not going back to that job. :hammer: We live in a rural area where there are very few jobs available and, with his work history, finding one is next to impossible. He would have qualified for insurance June 1 and they were going to give him a raise.
    I know it I should just say "fine" and let him sink or swim but it is hard to let the grandkids go hungry. If it were just difficult child and his wife I would be happy to sink or swim but I am sure he will be trying to get "emergency" money from me or, more likely, from my 92 year old mother.
    The thing that bothers me the most is that he really is making no sense at all. He is grouchy, irritable, and maybe irrational. I know he is not bad enough that we could have him locked up but I wonder if that is what he needs. He really seems to have gone off the deep end.
    I wish I had stayed in Florida. :rolleyes:
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm sorry, Nan. It's so frustrating when they shoot themselves in the foot like they do and then think that everyone else has the problem, not them.

  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    sorry mutt---it's discouraging when they sabatoge themselves. A big hug and an invitation to get away in sunny SC---it is biker's month, by the way, so we are overloaded with difficult children.
  4. STILLjustamom

    STILLjustamom New Member

    Having someone involuntarily committed is pretty tough, but it depends on what state you are in. I don't suppose there is anyway to get him to seek help on his own? Someone to "talk to about his problems". ?
    Does he have the skills or motivation to work for himself at something, be his own boss?
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sorry things aren't going well. I don't really have any advice for you, just (((((hugs))))) I can offer at the moment. What does his wife have to say about all of this??
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    you have to accept that this is him. you cannot decide for him how it will be. his wife and he will mull it over. they do not listen anyway when you thin of the best solutions. I hope she can get him to think right.
    it is a shame when you cannot even enojy your well deserved vacation without hearing trouble. you know I am problem the last person on earth without a cellphone. I do not want to be able to be reached at all times. I dont want to hear the news..sigh.
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm with you, Janet. I have a cell phone in my purse but I never turn it on. I have it in case I need to use it in an emergency. I do NOT want my life to follow me everywhere I go. lol

  8. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear difficult child was doing so well and then had a kapooey. It never lasts long for us... The relief that everything is running smooth.

    Sending some {{{sunny hugs}}}. Here's hoping you can go back to Daytona soon.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm going to be a bit blunt. My husband was alot like your difficult child for many many years. My wonderful sweet mother in law couldn't tolerate the thought of her grandkids being homeless, hungry, ect and always bailed husband out. I shudder to think of the enormous amts of money she's "loaned" husband over the years. But I can tell you she's paid for 2 cars, give you an idea of how far she went. (you know husband needed a car to get to work :faint: )

    Finally I wised up and put a stop to it. (love can really be blind) I told mother in law while the kids and I truely appreciated all that she'd done for us over the years, husband could care less. That as long as she bailed him out, he would never change. (husband was about mid 40's)

    Yep, the kids and I suffered. We survived. Food pantries provide more food than you can imagine. Food stamps are a great thing. We've sat in candlelight because our electric was shut off. You name it we had it happen.

    But for the first time husband really had to suffer with us. He had to endure all of the family complaints. He had to hear his kids ask if there would be supper. He actually faced homelessness.

    That was about 8 or 9 yrs ago. husband has greatly improved. Nor have we "borrowed" a dime from mother in law. husband isn't perfect, but when he creates a situation he knows it's up to him to fix it.

    If worse comes to worse you could invite grandkids over for meals. There are ways to help the kids without enabling difficult child son. My mother in law found them. lol And I'm sure you could get pretty creative if you put your mind to it.

  10. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Thanks to all of you for your replies. difficult child and his wife did have job interviews yesterday but difficult child worked there once before so I doubt if they'll hire him again. He is still oblivious; I guess he thinks money and food and all of the things he needs will magically fall from heaven. :rolleyes:

    No, working for himself is not a option. He has done roofing and if he had a little dose of responsibility he might be able to do that for himself but he doesn't and he can't. I can imagine him taking a roofing job and getting there every day at the crack of noon or later ;)and taking a couple of months to finish the job or else getting mad at the people and not finishing at all and then not getting paid and losing money on the supplies. Not an option.

    HIs wife is about a crazy as he is but most of the time they take turns being crazy. I guess that works for them. If they both go off at once we're in big trouble. She was raised in a welfare family and two of her brothers are in prison so she really doesn't have any examples of common sense to draw on. I like her BUT difficult child needs to be the sensible one but he definitely is not.

    When they ask me for money I always ask them what it's for and if they need milk or diapers or something like that I just go buy them because I darned sure am not giving them cash as who knows what they would spend that on. But they are better at conning my mom and she's not about to listen to me for advice so I'm not sure what to do about that. She gives them money and then complains to me. I've told her it's her own fault but she just keeps on. I know I need to ignore that too but it's hard to ignore fingers on the chalkboard which is about what I consider then all. :nonono:

    I am leaving for New York to go to my aunt's 90th birthday on May 31 and will be gone about 10 days. Maybe I'll take your advice and leave my cell phone at home. :smile:
  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm glad to hear you go out and buy the milk or the diapers instead of handing them the money.

    I would leave your cell phone home. make sure somebody has the number to where you are in case of emergency, but you don't need all the phone calls for 10 days for nonsense reasons that you can't do anything about.
  12. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    HIs wife is about a crazy as he is but most of the time they take turns being crazy.

    Haha...sounds like my household.

    They are married adults. There is no better remedy to life than to have to work it on your own. Leave the cell and have a great time. :smile:

  13. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> They are married adults. There is no better remedy to life than to have to work it on your own. Leave the cell and have a great time.</div></div>


    Do it, Nan. It's way past time.

  14. Scent of Cedar I

    Scent of Cedar I New Member