Difficult Child....Baby Drama.....I'm not built for this!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by PennyFromTheBlock, Nov 8, 2015.

  1. PennyFromTheBlock

    PennyFromTheBlock Active Member

    So. CPS investigation still ongoing. Not sure what is going to come of this, but my gut says nothing. I'm trying really hard to not stress about it because it is what it is and I mean, we've really only just begun this train ride, right?

    My son. Lord help me there are many strides he has made personally since baby was born. He's SO GOOD with his baby- he really is. He's taken to childcare really well, and is really REALLY good with the baby. That's a plus. Currently, he keeps him at night while she works.

    On the down side- he's not working. He did enroll himself into GED classes and started last monday. That's great. I'm going to get stuck paying his car payment this week (which I really do NOT have the income to do)- because it's in my daughter's name and comes directly out of her bank account- I'm not going to let her suffer for his ignorance. Payment is biweekly and will be paid off in 5 more payments. January 8th. We can make it somehow I just know it.

    Anyway, so yesterday his sister was riding his :censored2: (he's staying with her right now) - and he got frustrated. Texted me that he was leaving there because he wasn't about to 'listen to this #$%^'. Well, so I made him madder because I agreed with her and told him the truth:

    1. You actually CAN and SHOULD go both to school (9-2) *AND* work. People do it EVERY SINGLE DAY.
    2. No one, not me- not his sister- is under ANY obligation to support you. Period. YOU ARE A GROWN ADULT. YOU HAVE BEEN AN ADULT FOR ALMOST FIVE FREAKING YEARS!
    3. He attempted to BLAME ME for not being willing to take a fast food job, because he says I used to talk down on people with those jobs (LIE- and I did not allow him to continue down that path- what I used to tell both of my kids- if you don't do the RIGHT thing, get your education and DO well- you will end up being 50 years old dropping fries at McDonalds with no retirement plan, no benefits, and working HARD for no money)....it is outrageous the actual tactics he will take to make excuses for not doing something. Furthermore, since when has he listened to me? And at this point- he has a son- he shouldn't even CARE what I say at this point- he should do whatever he has to do. Period.
    4. YOU have made a BABY that requires CARE. You (my son) used to LOVE to come back on ME when (pre-baby) I told him I was NEVER too good for ANY job when I had my daughter- that I worked plenty of horrible jobs- to which he USED to reply "but you had to, you had a kid"- well guess what Einstein, now YOU have a kid. You aren't too good for ANY job.

    I had gotten good at NOT engaging in these conversations, but it had to be said! I keep trying to impress upon him that HE MUST BE THE MAN HE WANTS HIS SON TO BE.


    One thing I *have* definitely stuck to is this: he will NOT live with me again. No way am I ever going to put myself in situation where he steals from me, or takes advantage of my kindness. Never again. He knows it too.

    I just don't get it. I don't. I don't get anyone who believes that the world owes them something. I have naively believed all these years that I was setting a good example for what adulthood was- you work, you take care of your business. You don't do drugs. You don't steal. You may be broke, but as long as your bills are paid, you are good. May have to struggle- but you know, struggles have value too.

    This boy? My daughter and I discussed this last night- he is DETERMINED to learn EVERY SINGLE LESSON THE HARD WAY.

    If it weren't for my grandbaby, I'd do what I did last august and wash my hands of this madness. But I can't. There's an innocent 3 month old with two bat-$hit crazy parents. Someone in his life has to be stable and involved.

  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Penny,
    I am sorry I missed your last post, I have been busy in FOO examining my past.....You wrote of maybe thinking CPS involvement was wrong. I do not think so. Here, CPS avails themselves of Catholic Charities and their counseling services. It may be so where you live, it may be an open door for your son, g-babes Mom and your grand.
    Let's hope for the best.

    Yes, you have just begun the train ride. Hold on to hope Penny.

    That is an amazing quality in a young man. I hope it helps him take the steps he needs to take.

    This is a good thing, your strength in trying to make the impossible happen. I am glad the payments will soon be over. It is hard when finances are strained.
    The truth is hard for our d cs to hear. They are wired differently. Nothing is their doing it seems.

    Good message Penny, and true. Though he rejected hearing it, it is there and it may impact him more than you think. Maya Angelou said words have power, and I do believe this. Have you told him how impressed you are with his fathering? Maybe he needs to hear this too.

    Good resolve Penny, stick to this. In knowing it, your son has to stand up and do for himself and his child.

    This is a different generation. When our d cs suffer addiction, or have mental health issues, their outlook on life can be very, very different than ours. Entitlement rings true in most of the stories posted here.

    They have to find their own way. Most times, it is the hard way. Watching this as a parent is frustrating, but they do have to find their way.
    Is your son still living with his sister? You may want to get ready for the time that may come, where sister will be tired of this.
    She is not his keeper, either.
    There are many stories here are of d cs bouncing back and forth between family homes, wreaking havoc where they land.

    I thought this way too, Penny.
    This was my daughter and her children. But in the end of it, their babies are their responsibility. The sooner they grasp this, the better, for you, them and that precious baby.
    I have gone through many years of trying to help, for the sake of the babies. But it did not help. Their parents continued on their ways through the birth of three children. Each time, thinking it was everyone else's responsibility to step in. They did not stop using. With CPS involvement, they had to, because there were mandatory drug tests and counseling. The problem was, this was not their choice. They have to choose to want a different path, a better life.

    I know you are very worried for your grandchild. I have been there, and still think of them.

    I have not seen them for four months.
    My grands are withheld from me, by their parents, it is painful, but I pray for them everyday.

    I have stepped back after some very trying and tumultuous times. I have given them to God, in the realization that there is nothing I can do for them. CPS recognizes parental rights, and takes steps to help with parenting classes and counseling before even considering removal. It might do you well to learn of this, to understand your options and your rights as a grandmother.

    Penny, I feel for you, it is very hard. I hope you are able to take time for yourself, to regroup and rebuild.

    Prayers for you and yours.