It seems he feels that nothing helps him...not medications, not therapy, nothing. This has been his theme for years.
I am very anxious and afraid of the future, and apprehensive about bringing him home.
I am packing a backpack with change of clothes, weeks supply of medications, and toiletries. Also list of phone numbers for relatives and the local PADS shelter.
3 days out for not doing what we say.
Trying to stay strong.
Pat, are there books you read, or techniques you employ, to help you stay strong and connected, both within yourself and for your marriage? If there are, it might help you to reread or practice those things now, and have them readily available for yourselves when difficult child gets home. At the bottom of my post is a link to a site which gives suggestions for how to think about, and talk to, our grown children. It helped me.
Preparation is the key to success. I like that you have an emergency bag packed for your son, and a list of resources for him. You are doing so many things right ~ including taking difficult child in, though I know I'm not supposed to say that. Realistically though, parents need to be able to look at themselves in the mirror and know they have done all they knew to do.
If you and husband have your own bathroom, you could write out strengthening quotes or ideas and post them there where difficult child won't see them, but you will, every morning.
Maybe you and husband could agree ahead of time on a place you can go together to stay in sync with one another over difficult child's manipulations? Or maybe, just somewhere you will go when one or the other of you signals that time away from the chaos is needed?
We once lived near Lake Superior. To climb onto the huge rocks surrounding the shoreline and just let that powerful wave action wash over me would always help me regain perspective. I think that is the way parents must learn to think, when our own moral character requires us to help grown children who seem to be willfully self-destructing. You will know which are the places or activities that will enable you and your husband to hang on to your own decency, your own better selves.
The way I see it, that becomes the real battle. Try not to give in to depression, try not to lose the sense of fun and fascination in your marriage, try to continue taking joy in your work. I think giving ourselves permission to have these things is required, when we are willingly taking our lives into Hell. That really is how I look at it. It is dangerous, scary, thankless, chaotic times in any household which takes in a self-destructive child. Those are your goals, Pat ~ to create a beautiful life for yourself and your husband, in spite of everything. Don't let difficult child take those things from you without fighting for them. difficult child has many choices to make. You cannot cure him, for him. He will need to deal with himself, eventually.
I'm blabbling. I apologize.
:O)
Know that I wish you well, and believe that you merit true happiness, true lightness of being.
Barbara
