difficult child met with social worker

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by amy1129, Jun 9, 2011.

  1. amy1129

    amy1129 New Member

    Good Morning Everyone, Hope everyone is having a good week!!

    So on Tuesday, difficult child and social met for the first time. He was a little nervous, he wouldnt talk to me about it but I could tell he was a little off. I wasnt sure how things would go down, but we talked, she talked to him about random things, and she asked about our weekend, told her the fun, good and bad. We talked, and in not too much detail, about the tball chasing around the car with easy child and neighbor watching incident. difficult child was playing and also listening because he kept interupting me with corrections or comments. She was would ask him questions about why he did or said certain things. I was so happy that he answered her, and told her the truth. I was so afraid he was either going to shut down, or not tell the truth. But he answered her as best as he could, sometimes he didnt have an answer but that was OK. The one thing he said and I almost lost it was we touched upon the "I HATE YOU" comments, and she asked, is that how you really feel about mummy and daddy when your mad, and he said yes, then she asked after are your feelings the same? he didnt quite understand that so I explained in a way that I knew he would get, I said "when your not angry with mummy and daddy and your happy, do you still hate us or not" He answered I still hate you guys, i always hate you. That hurt more than I thought it would. I know when he screams it, he doesnt mean it, and that used to hurt but now it just goes in one ear and out the other. But when he ever said I always feel like that it hurt bigtime.

    She told us that when he gets angry she wants me to try and tell him that this is where mummy gets worried about your anger, why dont we go and talk about it, or give him a simple option. He agreed then, but not so much in the moment. He was I dont care what you feel, I dont care what social worker said, blah blah blah. I am so lost and confused what to do in his rages, I have so much in my head I forget what I am supposed to do or try. I also noticed that he rages at the most trivial things and growls and says I hate you, has a little fit, and its over. Could it be habit for some things? He comes out of these rages so much quicker I wonder if its out of habit.
  2. april1974

    april1974 New Member

    (((hugs))) It's so hard to hear " I hate you" it does cut like a knife and then there is that part of us that secretly wants to scream it back at them, but we don't, or at least there are times I want to say those same things to my kids when they wired and acting horrible. I think your son like my son doesn't have the ability to think before he speaks, his release valve is him blowing his temper saying mean things and have a meltdown. I'm sorry you have to go through this and I bet other moms here who have 1st hand experience with the rage part can give some advice. But I do know what it's like to have a child say I hate you and it's aweful.
  3. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I am NOT in general a great fan of medications as people may have picked up from my posts... but I wonder whether the RIGHT medication might help your son learn ways of dealing with his emotions other than raging? Do you plan to try to get an evaluation for him or a diagnosis?
    Hugs. I can imagine how much hearing those words hurt you.
  4. amy1129

    amy1129 New Member

    Jan1974, funny say that about thinking before speaking....social worker mentioned him might not having a filter with his words. there are times when he says something and as he is saying you can see his face and those words didnt mean to come out of his mouth.

    Yes he has a apt on the 21 with a neuro psychiatric for a first evaluation to see what tests should be done, she is booking into late july for the actual testing. she mentioned that insurances can be a pain so if she has a good amount time and info, should be able to deal with any speed bumps with insurance before testing.

    I am not one for medications either and I fear that they are going to label him and medicate him immediately and I would rather not, as I am sure we all feel the same way. But on the other side on my mushed up confused brain, I see what medications can do, I have seen my friends difficult child before medications, during medications, and after medications (weaning off to lower dose) 2 totally different children. If I can see that sort of change with my difficult child, I would try it with open arms......as I type this my eyes fill up, I just didnt plan for this for my son :angrydude:I dont want this for him, yet if it makes him "better" and he feels the change for the better, bring it!! Social worker tried to explain to us how he feels and thinks during these episodes, I feel horrible to think he is going through all this at 6 years old and not knowing whats going on how to handle it. I HATE HATE HATE HATE IT!!:grrr:
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    :consoling: No one wants to put their kid on medications. It is such a difficult decision to make. It helps to look at it just like any other 'disease' that a child may have - leukemia, diabetes, poor vision. I doubt you wuld hesitate to medicate or correct any of those.
  6. april1974

    april1974 New Member

    ^^^ I agree, we wouldn't hesitate to put our kids on medications if they had diabetes etc, if there is a medication that can help your son then I don't think you should feel guilty about using it. Nothing wrong with trying it out and if you find no change or you don't like the change you are seeing then you can take him off the medications. If medication makes life for your son better then please don't feel guilty about using it. Why should you & your son struggle if you don't have to ♥

    I myself have been thinking long and hard about "would I medicate?"
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    April - you'll be fine with all of this...you just need to make sure that you allow yourself to feel the grief of not necessarily having a "typical" child. The beautiful thing is that you're investigating all of this nice and early so you can get as many things in place as possible to help him along his path.

    We know what you're going through - it's why we're all here! :hangin: