difficult child moved into an apartment

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Nov 13, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    After difficult child got kicked out of the sober house last week she moved into an apartment with a friend she met at AA. It's in a decent area and it's one of those old buildings with big rooms and steam heat, like you would imagine would be the kind of apartment college kids would rent. husband took her to the Brown's game today and picked her up so he could check out the apartment. He even looked in the fridge, no alcohol, whew!

    Her roommate has been sober a year, or so difficult child says. But I did check her out on fb and she seems like a very nice person with very nice friends, all in college or good jobs. She posted on her fb that god put someone in front of her that needed a place to stay and she was glad to help.

    She wanted her queen size bedroom set but we said no so she has been sleeping on an air mattress. I felt bad about that but I'm not willing to see her furniture on the curb if she leaves. She called tonight to say one of her friends, a sponsor in AA who tries to help people in recovery get started, took her to big lots and bought her a mattress and asked if I had some sheets. I told her she could come and get what I had and also I have a bedframe and some things in the basement she can have. If she established herself for a decent period of time and keeps her job we will give her her furniture then.

    She starts her new job Tuesday. She told husband she was not going to screw this job up and she was going to make it.

    This is the closest difficult child has been to being independent ever. While I wish I could rush in and help her get established I can't. I have to let her do this on her own, knowing she is starting with nothing and a far cry from where she came from. It is humbling but a good reminder to her. She has had so many chances and managed to mess them all up so I am trying not to get too hopeful. It does look like she has some good people around her who want her to make it. She is still sober from what we can determine and she is respectful to us.

  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Xing fingers toes elbows knees anything and everything...

    And I really admire your fortitude in keeping your distance and not rushing in... good job :)
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sounds very positive. :)

    You know what? That scratching to get buy when your young can do a ton to build character and make you appreciate things. I mean when you're basically starting out with nothing......you feel a huge accomplishment with every little new thing you do, buy for yourself, ect......which becomes positive reinforcement. Because you have nothing and are trying to build up, that adds up to a lot of positive reinforcement along the way. lol

    I remember when husband and I were starting out. All his stuff went to his ex in the divorce (what little they had) except the livingroom suit. Wasn't too horrible when he was still in the army but when he got out.....whew boy that was an adjustment. We ate pbj and drank koolaide ate off a borrowed card table.......slept on the floor. But those are some of my fondest memories. lol Go figure.

    I made my girls scratch. They have the same fond memories of it. Honestly, difficult child or easy child, lots of people start their adult lives off that way.

    Sounds like she's got a great roommate.

  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Sounds positive and praying she stays on the right path!
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Didnt we all start out with old stuff? heck I still get my family room couches at the used store because I know they will only last about 2 or 3 years before we have to replace them...lol.
  6. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    It is so wonderful that she found this roommate! I would have done the same thing with giving her the sheets and the bed frame, but making her wait for the bedroom set. My difficult child moved in with her boyfriend (ugh) at the beginning of the month. She wanted her Tempurpedic mattress and I said no. Then her DAD gets involved (why?) and makes this absurd offer that she take his mattress if I gave him hers. What? The funny thing is, he'd made this crazy offer to me way back in the summer. I said no then. I told her that certainlly didn't make sense - dad gets her good mattress, she gets his cast off and I end up with nothing!

    She was very understanding. I told her she could have her frame and headboard and that i would give her the mattress when she was more established. BFs mom bought them one, but it wouldn't have hurt her to sleep on an air mattress for awhile.

    They have to learn to work for and appreciate what they have. It sounds like you are balancing helping her with letting her make her own way.

    I'm happy for her!
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gosh Dash our difficult child's must travel on the same road and you and I think so much alike.

    husband and I had nothing either. But fortunately we both had college degrees and good jobs. It was a different time. We were dirt poor but the future was bright. Not so much for difficult child. Having their bedroom set was always important to me, so that I knew they slept in a good bed at night. But the past few years difficult child has been sleeping wherever she can lay her head so I'm learning it's not that important to her. I did tell her that once she was more established and proved she was serious about staying sober and keeping this job she could have her bed and dresser. She said she understood.

  8. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I'm convinced they're related ...and it wouldn't be impossible, would it?
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Having to make do or do without is a great way to learn the real value of things.

    My first sofa was from someone's pile that was set out for the garbage. Table and chairs, too.

    Right now... My current sofa is a hand-me-down from my parents. They were going to put it out for the garbage when they got their new one and happened to ask if I wanted it. YES!!! We had nothing to sit on in the living room.

    My current dining room table and chairs were garage-sale, $35 for the lot.

    My bedroom suite was my grandparents'; when they passed, it went into storage, when we bought the house we pulled it back out. My coffee table and end tables were handmade by my grandpa for my parents - they're an orangey color and I don't care if they match anything (they don't). They survived me (as a toddler and teen!), a large dog, about 10 cats... I will keep them forever if I can.

    Honestly? I tell people my home is decorated in "early eclectic"...
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It's great to read an "up" post about your difficult child. Everyone knows that she can find success...everyone but her, I imagine. She'll have to prove it to herself one small step at a time. Fingers crossed and continued good thoughts and prayers headed for your family. Hugs. DDD
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's the difference between a easy child and difficult child . . . easy child's realize the future is bright if they are willing to work for it. My easy child just started teaching and has already saved $1500 and plans to put away another $500 a month for this school year. She is putting off a new car purchase until she has money in the bank and is planning to start her master's degree in the summer.

    She knows that the good things will come in time. difficult child wants everything given to her now. As always, I wonder how I could have produced two such different people.

    My difficult child acutally asked me to buy her a fan for her room at the halfway house since her room "doesn't have an overhead fan." Gee . . . what a hardship. I just told her that a fan was the first thing she could buy when she gets a job.

    Nancy, I think your difficult child really sounds like she is getting it. Hooray!!!!!