A little somber tonight as difficult child has reappeared (after a 3-month absence). Disheveled, distressed, dejected, doped. Not much to say to each other. A little hard on our hearts. He's lost everything again (material possessions, ID, etc). All these years of off-and-on meth use (more on than off).........wondering how long his teeth, his brain or his heart will last. He has a place to sleep for now (not at our place -- someone else he knows -- we have boundaries). We know this drill (just did it last Sept, matter of fact). Gave him the same Drug & Alcohol Helpline I gave him before. Will see if he uses it. It's his move. I am aware of the toll difficult child can take. I am aware that it can bring me down temporarily. I am also aware that I have the power to not stay there ad infinitum. He has the power over his life, and I have the power over mine. I choose boundaries + love. I have concluded that when our difficult child's choose anger or self-defeating behaviors, we must be careful not to sink too far into their negative energy ourselves.........lest we, ourselves, become that negative energy we profess to dislike so much. So, tonight, I lay down with a heavy heart. I'm human and, hey, I'm a mom. But tomorrow I choose to awaken with gratitude that my heart still beats (so many do not have that luxury) and that I have the power and Free Will to choose to appreciate all of the terrific friends and family I have in my life. Reminding myself of this and choosing the more positive path of Light amid Dark. Ultimately, I wish to be the Light, not the Dark. Now is the ideal time to practice that.