hearts and roses
Mind Reader
Argh, I am so angry with this young woman (S)! The mother of difficult child's boyfriend's (E) two little boys continuously plays tug-o-war with the kids and E.
E (difficult child's boyfriend) and S (boyfriend's ex & mother of children) never went to court to have things drawn up legally in regards to custody and visitation or child support. He pays her child support but she gets to dictate when and how often he can see the boys. It was on some sort of schedule it seemed for a while there, but she arbitrarily withholds the boys when she's annoyed with E (usually because she sees difficult child at the coffee shop where S smacked difficult child for no reason other than because difficult child is in E's life).
Anyway, E was very concerned about difficult child being introduced and spending a lot of time with his boys, rightfully so, in case he and difficult child didn't work out - which I highly commend him for. Well, they've been together over a year and he and difficult child have decided that it's time to spend small and short amounts of time together, whether it's lunch at McD's or going to a park; something small and short. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I asked E if he and the boys would like to pick pumpkins and carve them this past weekend and he was all excited about it and said yes. Then, on Thursday, S decides to pull the rug out from under him and cancels the boys weekend with him. Her reason was that she was taking them pumpkin picking and he can't. He never gets to do any of those fun holiday things with his boys. She also cancelled his Friday night at boy scouts with his oldest son...I hate this woman because it's the kids who lose out. E tries to be an involved dad, but she undermines him at every turn. Now Halloween is coming up and he can't take them out trick or treating - she said he can go with her and her boyfriend and the boys, but difficult child can't go - OR - he can forego trick or treating with his sons altogether. Of course, he's going with her and her boyfriend just so he can be with his boys for trick or treating but then that leaves difficult child feeling crappy.
Two weeks ago was E's father's birthday party - family flew in for this event - and she only allowed one son to attend and kept the other one home by bribing him with being allowed to ride his mini-dirtbike instead. E was given no excuse other than, "Well, he doesn't want to go to your father's birthday party". Later, when E dropped off his younger son, he asked the older one why he didn't want to go and that's when he learned that S told the older son if he didn't go to the party he could ride his minibike! How messed up is that??
I realize that S and E have a history and there are probably things that she resents him for and he was probably a jerk at some point - they were both very young when they had the boys - but he's not the same guy. E has grown up and he doesn't drink or do drugs at all and he is a hard worker and he loves his sons, he wants to be a part of their lives. Well, he's finally petitioning the courts to get solidified visitation with his boys. And I am hoping that it goes well. I have a feeling that S will pull all kinds of punches and tell all sorts of lies about him and maybe even difficult child to prevent this from going through. E is not the sharpest tack in the box, so I've told him he should write down everything and document every little rotten sneaky underhanded thing S has done to prevent him from seeing his boys. I don't know that he will and that worries me.
I know it's not my problem, but being a parent who at one time divorced her rotten exh and father of her children - I can totally understand this situation. But what I don't understand is how someone can put their own anger and resentments above their children's personal growth and happiness. I never EVER prevented my kids from having a relationship with their dad (even though I wanted to!) - if that relationship was anything less than perfect, it was his fault. We switched off and on for holidays and it was painful to put them on a ferry to NY the day before Christmas, but it was in their long term best interests.
I just cannot wrap my head around this woman's motivation. I am hoping that everything goes through and that we will have the opportunity to get to know these little boys soon. I would love for them to help us bake our holiday cookies and decorate! I met them once, but they probably don't remember and just thought I was some crazy lady at the donut shop parking lot - lol! Please send up a positive thought that the courts see through S and do the right thing! Thanks~
E (difficult child's boyfriend) and S (boyfriend's ex & mother of children) never went to court to have things drawn up legally in regards to custody and visitation or child support. He pays her child support but she gets to dictate when and how often he can see the boys. It was on some sort of schedule it seemed for a while there, but she arbitrarily withholds the boys when she's annoyed with E (usually because she sees difficult child at the coffee shop where S smacked difficult child for no reason other than because difficult child is in E's life).
Anyway, E was very concerned about difficult child being introduced and spending a lot of time with his boys, rightfully so, in case he and difficult child didn't work out - which I highly commend him for. Well, they've been together over a year and he and difficult child have decided that it's time to spend small and short amounts of time together, whether it's lunch at McD's or going to a park; something small and short. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I asked E if he and the boys would like to pick pumpkins and carve them this past weekend and he was all excited about it and said yes. Then, on Thursday, S decides to pull the rug out from under him and cancels the boys weekend with him. Her reason was that she was taking them pumpkin picking and he can't. He never gets to do any of those fun holiday things with his boys. She also cancelled his Friday night at boy scouts with his oldest son...I hate this woman because it's the kids who lose out. E tries to be an involved dad, but she undermines him at every turn. Now Halloween is coming up and he can't take them out trick or treating - she said he can go with her and her boyfriend and the boys, but difficult child can't go - OR - he can forego trick or treating with his sons altogether. Of course, he's going with her and her boyfriend just so he can be with his boys for trick or treating but then that leaves difficult child feeling crappy.
Two weeks ago was E's father's birthday party - family flew in for this event - and she only allowed one son to attend and kept the other one home by bribing him with being allowed to ride his mini-dirtbike instead. E was given no excuse other than, "Well, he doesn't want to go to your father's birthday party". Later, when E dropped off his younger son, he asked the older one why he didn't want to go and that's when he learned that S told the older son if he didn't go to the party he could ride his minibike! How messed up is that??
I realize that S and E have a history and there are probably things that she resents him for and he was probably a jerk at some point - they were both very young when they had the boys - but he's not the same guy. E has grown up and he doesn't drink or do drugs at all and he is a hard worker and he loves his sons, he wants to be a part of their lives. Well, he's finally petitioning the courts to get solidified visitation with his boys. And I am hoping that it goes well. I have a feeling that S will pull all kinds of punches and tell all sorts of lies about him and maybe even difficult child to prevent this from going through. E is not the sharpest tack in the box, so I've told him he should write down everything and document every little rotten sneaky underhanded thing S has done to prevent him from seeing his boys. I don't know that he will and that worries me.
I know it's not my problem, but being a parent who at one time divorced her rotten exh and father of her children - I can totally understand this situation. But what I don't understand is how someone can put their own anger and resentments above their children's personal growth and happiness. I never EVER prevented my kids from having a relationship with their dad (even though I wanted to!) - if that relationship was anything less than perfect, it was his fault. We switched off and on for holidays and it was painful to put them on a ferry to NY the day before Christmas, but it was in their long term best interests.
I just cannot wrap my head around this woman's motivation. I am hoping that everything goes through and that we will have the opportunity to get to know these little boys soon. I would love for them to help us bake our holiday cookies and decorate! I met them once, but they probably don't remember and just thought I was some crazy lady at the donut shop parking lot - lol! Please send up a positive thought that the courts see through S and do the right thing! Thanks~