Now that difficult child have been home a week, amongst him being as obnoxious as he possibly can, we have had few good conversations. And he has had few very telling and vocal meltdowns. He is still really at loss with himself but I'm even more worried about how he sees his life, how he sees his own story. If I were to write his story from last five years, it would be a story about tough times, devastating blows, bad choices and struggle. But it would also be a story about survival, backbone made of steel, ability to get back to your feet again and again, bravery in the face of desperation, guts, apparently endless stock of that one, and immense courage. difficult child's own narrative to these five years seems to be completely different. For him it is a story of endless failures, screw ups, lost chances and rejections. Especially rejections. In his mind every parting of the ways, every end of something or change has turned to be a rejection. And not a rejection as an employee or workmate but as a human being. difficult child feels he is living in the world where the whole world seems to reject the essence of him as worthless. There is still fight in him left, but it seems to come from the place of anger, of 'showing them' rather than the place of hope or faith to himself or the world or the life. It is just so deeply and excruciatingly sad.