Disappointed, frustrated, angry.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Dec 13, 2008.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    difficult child 1 is managing to push my buttons in a big way lately.

    He is lying about homework and for whatever reason is not getting it all done. Tells me it's finished when it's not, and then I find him playing video games.

    He fell behind in his computer class and despite the teacher telling him he could come in after school to catch up on work, and me urging him to do this since he had done it last quarter, he insisted to me that this wasn't being allowed this quarter. So he's getting a "F" in the class.

    Brings home an assignment, can't find the info he needs, so he blows off the assignment instead of asking for help or trying to find some other way to solve the problem (and I am ALWAYS available to help).

    SO as a consequence, I yanked his video and computer game privileges as well as his cell phone.

    Then, one day last week when I was waiting for him to arrive at his pickup location, I see him turn the corner instead and head to the convenience store, but he's running. I think maybe he has to use the bathroom, so I drive over there. Nope. He's there to buy himself a snack. And guess what he decides to leave sitting on the sidewalk outside the store? His BRAND NEW VIOLIN that I had JUST bought him to replace the one he says was stolen from school last month!!!!!!!!!!! AAAARRRRGGGGG!!!!! So his punishment for taking off to the convenience store without permission and for being careless with his new instrument was to miss the quarterly dance at school which was this past Friday.

    Then on Friday, when I picked him up he somehow had gotten his hands on his phone again! So I confiscated it again. Then TODAY he went to my car and took it out again!

    And I just learned this evening that he blew off a 50 point essay last week in Language Arts so the solid "B" he was getting before is now an "F".

    WHAT IS IT WITH THIS KID?! Is he stupid? Does he think I'm stupid? AM I STUPID?

    And tonight I got home from Christmas shopping to find him playing a game on the computer (I have it password locked, so husband must have logged him on because he also had an assignment sitting on the desk, so it looked like he convinced husband to log him on so he could do the work).

    I can't help but scream at him when he pulls stunts like this. I told him very explicitly what the rules are: Grades below a "C" mean NO VIDEO OR COMPUTER GAMES OR PHONE. PERIOD.

    Then I emailed the same rules to husband (since things tend to stick with him better if he reads them).

    Then I told difficult child 1 I was SUPREMELY DISAPPOINTED and ANGRY with him for continuing to DISOBEY me.

    I'm feeling very bah-humbuggish about this kid right now.
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    typical teen with a difficult child twist. Don't ya love it?

    Personally, I think there should be a NEW RULE (to borrow from Bill Maher) that parents of difficult child's get a free pass on the typical teen stuff. Cause we all know that teens are fun. And difficult child's are just boatloads of excitement. Put it together and it's just too much of a good time for one to handle. :faint:

    I don't know what it is with this age. It's like they have taken out their brains and somehow continue to walk and talk. You find yourself looking at them as if they'd grown another head, usually with your mouth agape. You try to talk, but you're just so stunned that only these odd sounds come out while you try to wrap your brain around this person that looks like your child, but surely can't be. Because if it is, that means you've spawned an alien. :alien:

    IOW, I feel your pain. I can often be found wandering the house mumbling to myself.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I completely feel your pain. easy child who as time goes on I am being convinced is truly a difficult child-too much to be just typical teen-is in the same boat with the grades and so upset that we give any consequences at all. I wish I had some advice but know you are not alone.
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Heather said it well.

    For the phone, call your provider and have his phone put on "vacation." They'll charge you a fee but it's worth it. Whether he takes the phone or not, he can't get or receive anything. And I'd be making him pay the vacaction fee each and every time.

    At least the violin had to be relatively safe. It's one of those things that no one wants unless they see the pawning potential, so less likely to be stolen. If this convenience store is typical, he had to leave it outside -- no cases, backpacks, bags. Makes it too easy to shoplift. And that, of course, is HIS logic.

    They really don't think at that age. They just do. It is too easy to blow off homework today. Teachers give too many passes, too many makeups, too many redos. So, who cares when you do it? You'll find a way to make it up later. Just ask the other kids. The problem is it words for a typical teen but our kids carry it to an extreme and get so far behind there is no way to catch up.

    The computer issue is another thing. It is very easy to get around a password. I had to take the keyboard and mouse when it was off limits for my daughter. If she needed to do homework on a computer, it was only with an adult sitting in the room with her and watching. Otherwsie, she was on MySpace in 30 seconds flat or, worse yet, finding a new porn site.

    Good luck. One day you might even be able to look back on this stage and laugh about some of the antics. Kind of like when he dumped the pound of flour/sugar/cereal all over the clean floor when he was 3. Wasn't funny then, is now.
  5. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    What I did was get more help at school to track homework,do homework at school, tutoring ect...
    I contact the teachers by e-mail every week for updates.
    I think an attachement that has a tazer effect for parental control of the computer game is the next big money maker.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    I just wanted to jump in and tell you I feel your pain also. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, they try our patience so terribly.

  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    UH, all I can say is been there done that. Pretty soon you have inflicted more consequences than you as a parent can even keep up with, and yet the difficult child is ten steps ahead.
    So sorry........
    I wish I had some magical words of wisdom.............
    There heads are like rocks?
    Thats all I got:tongue:
  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    What is it with our kids this weekend? Don't they know that Santa is watching? I think his sleigh will be a tad lighter if they don't stop this naughtyness. My latest: easy child wanted to leave when her friends brought the jeep back. The plows have been pulled and no travel advised for many many miles away. She didn't go so I think maybe the guys who brought back her jeep convinced her to stay put? She wasn't listening to me. Her stocking will be lighter this year.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    been there done that, and still doing it.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Hmmmm... misery LOVES company, but I'd much rather have a MAGIC WAND, please! UGH.

    He's been on pretty good behavior today. But STILL pushing it -- he was in easy child's room watching her play a video game, and I walked in and caught him with the controller in his hand! He quickly coughed up a lame excuse and denied playing the game! Yeah, you're just keeping the controller warm for her, right!
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I know the only thing that kept my bro in line was that my mom WOULD have pawned every computer/game system in the house. She didn't threaten. She stated. one statement. One "you are close" warning. then it was GONE. And she spoke no further words, listened to no further words.

    Are you willing to take ALL the keyboards and mice and controllers away and lock them somewhere securely?

    Are you willing to RETURN ALL the gifts you bought for him AND spend the money on yourself and husband? LEt him have a year with a boring book or 2 under the tree. Period. It might get through.

    These things may not work. Or they might. As far as I have seen with my Wiz, the ONLY times I could get through were when I could MAKE him do hard physical labor to repay me for whatever he did, and if/when I was willing to go to the extreme of totally outlawing something and making it stick. (I even went to the tech people at school and made them take him off the school computer so he couldn't log in at ALL. It helped, until the idiot SP ED teacher let him use HER computer and password (and wrote into his IEP that he could use HER password - and signed MY name to the change!).. This was a HUGE battle, because the teachers INSISTED that they couldn't teach ANYTHING with-o the computer. (I offered to buy workbooks and textbooks - with a smile).

    Computers are his big THING. It really stinks, but you have to figure out how to either back down on this or make it happen. because the way it is, he is winning. And that is ALL that matters to him right now. Winning over you.

    So figure out what you are willing to do. What you WANT to do. What you can live with. And then make it happen.

    If you have to go tothe school and demand that NO computer assignments be given due to his disability, make it happen. Fight them (I will help if I can), and then see what he will do to get it back. If it really matters that much.

    I don't have any real concrete advice, just my support for whatever you decide to do.

    I WOULD make schoolwork the responsibility of school though. No more ??s about homework. No letting them pass him if he doesn't do the work (in our area if they don't pass the end of instruction test they CANNOT go to the next grade), but make it hard and fast that there is NO parental responsibility for homework. It will just tear you apart.


    Gentle hugs and much love. I am sorry and I have been there done that. I even have had to take keyboard, mouse and controller from my HUSBAND a time or two. Talk about being your husband's mommy, sheesh.

    Know we love you!