I'm starting to believe that is exactly the case!!! Yesterday husband had a talk with oldest difficult child on the phone. As many of you know I had a psychotic episode/breakdown while my oldest difficult child was in prison 8 yrs ago. Well...apparently oldest difficult child and his wife believe that the reason I had that psychotic breakdown is because I don't believe in God. I am so upset! I am ashamed of oldest difficult child right now. I can't believe he and his wife are judging my relationship with God and therefore that is the reason I am not allowed to be a part of their family's life. I also found out from husband yesterday...that oldest difficult child has been using Hydrocodone for the past year and while he recently got off of his probation sentence for the Meth/Thievery charge...within 2 days he got a DWI. Oldest difficult child's wife comes from a very "charasmatic" church group and they apparently do not believe in mental illness but rather spiritual sickness. I can't even begin to understand how my own son...my first born, the one I breastfed, etc, etc, etc, etc, I can't believe that he is going to disown his mamma! And then we have young difficult child....He has been asked to leave the shelter he was in (according to him) because he "makes too much money" and they need a bed for someone less fortunate. He texted me from a nearby motel last night around 8 pm but I was already in bed. He wanted me to bring him some food...said he was saving his money for a place to live. Doubtful...as ALL of his money has gone towards drugs/alcohol for yrs now...not thinking twice about survival...not his children's nor his own. Anyway...I am just sick beyond sick at both of my sons. I can't even begin to tell you how much it hurts me that my oldest is judging me! I will never forget holding his face in my hands in the interrogation room of the police station. Tears streaming down his face and me telling him with equal tears that everything would be alright. This was the day I drove him to the police station to turn himself in for the theft charge. Right after I held him...they handcuffed him and took him away. I was there for him the whole time he was in prison...even when husband would have nothing to do with him. I wrote heartfelt letters, visited him, put money on his books... cried in agony from the depths of my soul for my first born being imprisoned. It just killed me to my core. Panic attacks followed...Yes, I was even in AA/Al Anon at the time...but in desperate pain. This was my golden child. Perfect in so many ways. How can he be so cold and unfeeling toward me today? Feeling beaten down. Do they just want me to lose my very life over them? I don't understand this. Has anyone else ever been judged by their difficult child's and cut out of their lives like this? LMS ps...I am no saint. I do smoke cigarettes and go to the casino. I wish I was perfect...but even then, would it be enough?