Does anyone know of a program??? Help!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by quantumchef, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. quantumchef

    quantumchef New Member

    My friend has a son who is now 18 and an alcoholic, extremely low self esteem, sees himself as ugly, has not graduated but is working at home online for a highschool degree. He really has no skills and is not interested in many things. He lives in fear of everything and spends about 24/7 at home doing not much of anything.

    He used to be a really sweet kid and has a kind heart but is a nasty drunk. He is a follower and when he does go out he is drawn to the wrong people and always gets in trouble. Because of his trouble/arrests for drinking he has no driver license. He has a felony arrest because of a stupid night where he and his friends took someones boat out and even though they brought it back it was considered a felony theft.

    He has a desire to not be around the people he drinks with but I can find no opportunity for him. His mother has talked to him about job corps and ameri corps/ peace corps but it seems the application process is long and could be at least six months away or more.

    Does anyone know of a program where he could work/live in some type of program like peace corps and help people while learning skills, developing self esteem and being provided a place to live. I looked into many programs before he turned 18 for troubled teens and they were all very expensive and his mom is already financially very stressed. He needs a place to get away - into a new world for him. He is a kind being when given the opportunity and I thought he could help build houses in poor communities or whatever!!! There has to be something out there for someone like him to give him a chance?????

    Thanks for listening to the long question.

  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hi Quantumchef, welcome!

    Just a head's up that we don't *name names* for specific programs/facilities in the public forums. If anyone has a suggestion for you, they will send you a private message.

    One question I have is whether or not he really wants to change? Has he had enough or is this more for his mom and not for him?

  3. quantumchef

    quantumchef New Member

    Thank you Suz. I would welcome anyone messaging me with ideas on programs.

    He has been in a couple of rehabs and did not put in a sincere effort to change. It has been a couple of years since then. He has sincerely made attempts to get himself away from the people in his life he drinks with but has run into difficulties in making it all work. He moved away to a whole new place and moved in to a home that is monitored and forbids drug and alcohol use. He got laid off the one job he was able to get through a friend and was unable to find work and ended up having to come home because his mom could not keep up the rent on the room for him. He was supposed to take over paying his rent but when he lost his job could not. He relies on bus transportation and has a felony on his record and no skills so the job hunt has been very difficult. He is open to a program which is why I am looking.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Quantumchef -

    Does she have medicaid or can she apply for TEFRA? What area of the country is she in?

    Also - Welcome to the group!
  5. quantumchef

    quantumchef New Member

    She is in WA state. I looked up Terra but the child has to be under 18.


  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I would encourage the Mom to have him start filling out these applications anyway. It can't hurt, even it they have long waiting lists.

    If he sincerely wants to change, he could also look for an AA group in his area.

    Other than drunkenness, has he ever been evaluated by a mental health professional? Is there any mental illness in the family (some dxes are genetically-based)? It certainly sounds as if he might have a few possibilities percolating inside of him which will make life difficult if he doesn't know what's going on and have some skills/possible medications to counteract their impact.

  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

  8. quantumchef

    quantumchef New Member

    Thanks all - I agree he needs to be evaluated and also agree to start with the application process. I think that is going to happen. As far as evaluation - he has had evaluation's when he has gotten in trouble with the law - and in rehabs. Nothing came out of that that I know of. His father was also an alcoholic is also now in AA (does not really participate in his life - never has) and I believe also has the same type of anxiety - fear - insecurity that his son exhibits.

    I will look into what type of evaluation exists that might help point him in the right direction on several levels and get him some medications that could help.

    He has recently starting having some type of "panic attacks" and I know the mom is thinking some medications would help. He has such a low self esteem it is very difficult to get him to participate in things. The AA meetings are out right now due to lack of transportation. The meetings are in town and there is no bus out to where he lives. We live very rurally. His mom usually gets home too late from work to turn around and drive back to a meeting. When he was on parole she did do this but once the meetings were not mandatory he did not want to go anymore. It was a much older crowd at the local meetings and he is terrible at meeting new people.
  9. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    The only places I know of that are not expensive are Christian rehab programs where they can live there and work. I live in south carolina so I would just research the Christian programs where you live.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If he's unusually shy that could be why he turned to alcohol itself. I'm wondering if he has Asperger's Syndrome. Too bad he didn't get evaluated before he got into trouble. It could have helped him so much, but hindsight never helped anyone...I agree that only if he is highly motivated to stop drinking will he stopped. My daughter was a heavy drug user, and quit when she wanted to quit, without rehab.