Does it ever get better ?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Exhausted sad mom, Nov 14, 2018.

  1. Exhausted sad mom

    Exhausted sad mom New Member

    My son just keeps making one bad decision after the other. I still feel there is a deep sadness in him but so much rebellion and self destruction. When does the Mom guilt stop....get easier...the would of should of could of....all the things I would have done different. Why can't I save him or reach him? I keep praying this is a phase ...never have I felt so empty...helpless and sad. And it comes in waves some days....like a Tsunami .I miss the child I once knew. Why didn't I raise him with more confidence? So sad today.
     
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Could anyone have forced you to do your life their way? Unfortunately you cant do anything. But you taught him right from wrong and how to behave and that is our job. If the adults they become disregard our teaching, listen to stupid peers instead of what we taught or defy society that is on THEM. Why cant you do anything? Because adults fo what they want. Heck, I cant even make my DOG do what I want.

    There are no magic words. Nothing we taught them that they HAVE to listen to. No way to get through to a skull that wo t listen.

    The best we can do is learn to cope sometimes in therapy and if we believe in a higher power give our lived ones to that power. We can make our lives good by hanging out with our kind love ones and friends, enjoying hobbies, taking clasdes, loving on our spouses and otjer kids and pets and taking vacations. Your life matters. Make it a great one.

    Love and light.
     
  3. startingfresh

    startingfresh Member

    exhausted, I have had all of those thoughts too. Why is raising this one child so very difficult, why why why. I have fretted and worried and have ended up in a very dark place. I have 4 children and only one has gone so far off the path we worked so hard to lead for him. I don't know why. For me , the triggers are seeing his friends off at college, kids who he went to kindergarten all the way through hs. Remembering the days when he a happy kid right there with them. A healthy, happy, adventurous boy. Like who the heck was that? What happened, where did things go so wrong ? Know you are not alone. And there is hope. I am sorry that you feel sad and helpless, its an awful awful way to feel.
     
  4. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    I don't know that it gets easier, but with work it becomes manageable. I have been relatively successful at turning my focus on myself. When I talk to my daughter I keep it judgement free. If she talks about some problem she's gotten herself into I just respond with a phrase like, "I'm sure you'll figure it out. You're intelligent." Getting mad and trying to give her advice doesn't do anything except cause tension, so I try to just avoid it. I try very hard to "stay in my lane." I focus on myself and ways to make my life better. That doesn't mean I don't have bad or sad days, but I can certainly manage my emotions and reactions better now than in the past. Setting and maintaining boundaries has also been key for me. Turn your focus on you- be kind to yourself and develop ways of easing your stress. Sending positive energy to you!
     
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  5. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Exhausted, The hardest thing to come to terms with is that WE cannot save THEM. I have no idea what path your son will take, any more than I know what path mine will take. I won’t say it ever stop hurting. But you can learn to let go of guilt, let go of second guessing, and take care of yourself. To remove yourself from the day to day chaos so they can grow, and you can heal. I know it’s hard. Hugs to you.
     
  6. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    One more chiming in.

    Your post could have been written by me. I always think if I could go back in time...
    You could have done lots of things differently. Guess what..I put my money on a 99% chance that you would still be in the same spot today. No matter what we do people are all going to be where they want to be. My kitten listens better than my 21 year old. He has even had the school of a few hard knocks and still,,square 1.
     
  7. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    Yes, it does get better. Detaching is the key. Accepting what you cannot control. The AA philosophy. I repeat it to myself all the time.