Don't know what to do anymore

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Crystal72, Aug 11, 2013.

  1. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    Haven't been on this board for over a year.

    Nothing much have changed.

    our 13 years old has gotten so big in size and has been always trying to resolve issues by physical aggression. And dad is losing it and they got into a fight this afternoon.

    its not right for an adult to lose it with his teenage son but I really doubt too many people could handle the daily commotions caused by the teenager.

    our 13 years old has gotten physical with our 7 years old son lately, destructive almost daily. Anything doesn't go his way, he would want to resolve it physically.

    we were going out as a family today and he was throwing temper tantrum. Smashed and throw stuff around and slammed door, also came at me throwing stuff at me.

    so the outing was cancelled. He doesn't stop, he raised up the tv volume so high that the house vibrated. We asked him to bring down the volume and he smashed the remote control into pieces, dad lost it and charged at him. I managed to break them up but it has caused so much tension in the house.Dad walked out of the house.

    I don't like it that dad always walks out whenever he couldn't handle the son. But then again I rather he goes cool his head off.

    Son was just discharged from phosh from aggression. I don't know what else I can do.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    How long has he been on the Risperdone. That medication CAUSED my son to become violent similar to what you're describing. I complained to the psychiatrist many times and his answer was to adjust the dose, which did nothing. Finally I insisted he take difficult child 1 off the Risperdone and he did. After a week, I had my son back. The one that talked things over and smiled and enjoyed and was nice to be around most of the time.

    I would seriously consider taking him off the Risperdone (talk to the psychiatrist about how to do that) and see if anything improves. I know of several others here where that medication was a nightmare for similar reasons. That would be my first action to try. When it works, it works well. When it doesn't, watch out!
  3. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    He was on guanfacine and abilify for 2 months and beside knocking him off everyday, it doesn't 'fix' the aggression issue. He was hospitalized 5/28 for 3 weeks and the psychiatrist there removed abilify and changed to resperidone 1mg. I thought he was much better, even if he has anger issue, he always managed to calm himself down after a while ( but always come back to the same spot). Its always anything that doesn't go his way
  4. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    His primary diagnosis is Asperger's, right?

    Maybe the anger and the aggression isn't primary. Maybe it's the result of not getting the right help.
    Because... when a kid has a major umbrella diagnosis, sometimes the docs refuse to look for other things.
    And it could be any number of things... from a co-morbid MI, to... learning disabilities and other related developmental conditions.

    Like... Auditory Processing Disorders (APD), for one. Especially auditory figure ground - because it still isn't universally tested for even when testing for Auditory Processing Disorders (APD), and because it's effects are absolutely huge. Problems with auditory figure ground can drive a kid to insanity. And the effects of not getting the help they need and not being believed are extremely damaging to their sense of self.
  5. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    This is something new. We just got him a new neuropsychological test two weeks ago and I will bring it up to the psychiatrist.
    i know my 7 years old has Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) and a bunch of other sensory issues but never noticed it from the teen.

    i had him on wait list for cognitive behaviorial therapy and should be beginning home therapy with autism connection services. Seriously don't know what else I can do to help him.

    he argues about not wanting to go summer camp but I simply can't handle him at home with that constant anger and aggression. Not at the summer camp though, worst come to it, he just shuts down and Sits on the side. I am so exhausted watching over him and his 7 years old brother and when dad is going to snap.

    i am not shielding husband, he seriously tried his best to work with son but disruptive behavior is dad's weak point. He just constantly feel its ridiculous that he is working like a horse but the boy is busy tearing everything apart.
  6. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    He sits out because he cannot handle camp. That is part of Aspie. Camps are usually highly social and/or sports oriented, and neither one works well for an Aspie.

    But... it can also be due to APDs. Camps are noisy. It's hard to follow the directions if you can't catch what they are.

    Auditory figure ground is harder to catch than classical Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) - because classical Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) involves language ability. The kid with auditory figure ground challenges CAN hear... usually, pretty good. They CAN process language. They CAN follow directions. ..... as long as all of that is going on in a quiet environment. Add background noise, and they CANNOT do these things. But, because they can "sometimes", it gets taken for bad attitude or whatever else. (been there done that)

    How quiet is your home? Do you turn off ALL background noise as much as possible? Limit TV, Radio, game and computer audio to either actively shared by all, or headphones? You might be surprised at how much noise there is... and some of it, you can't eliminate: dishwasher, washing machine, furnace, air conditioner, stove fan, the kettle heating up... SOME of these, you can re-schedule. Do laundry and run dishwasher after difficult child goes to bed, for example. Learn to live with a warmer house in the summer and cooler in the winter (saves energy, too... :) ) We've learned how to set the timer on our a/c so that it kicks into high gear just early enough in the day to make the house comfortable for sleeping at night. This gives us quieter mornings.
  7. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    I really doubt he is one of these cos he studies with loud music on, same like his sister. He has music on in his room all the time and watches tv with high volume too. I for one don't deal well with noises, same like my 7years old, no matter how deep he sleeps, any sound can wake him up and he is been tested for Auditory Processing Disorders (APD).

    He was at basketball camp every year and did well but he has problem with transition and new things / places / people typical aspie. He complained on first day but never after that.

    I am stressed out cos he says I am happier without him in the home and yes I am cos I don't have to constantly go through the same tensions. But it doesn't mean I don't love him !

    Now father and son are ignoring each other and I am in the middle as usual. The fights caused traumatic experience for my 7 years old too.
  8. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I have a big age gap between difficult child and easy child, too, and it can be very hard on the younger sibling when the older one melts down and gets destructive. Been there, done that, have the tee shirt to prove it. I think it's vital for your younger child to have things to do outside the house, especially during the summer time. It gives your younger child time away from your difficult child and the problems that go along with him, and it gives her time to do things that are just hers. We've done that and it's made a big difference for easy child. He's made friends and found interests that difficult child wants nothing to do with, and I like it that way. They each have their own things that they do so they can each be a star without the sibling rivalry.

    I've had times where husband completely looses it with difficult child, so I know how frustrating that can be. Honestly I would just let them ignore each other for now until every has cooled off. Eventually they will have to speak to each other, and by then it should be calmer.

    Has your son's aggression gotten worse since starting the risperdal? I would speak to the doctor as soon as possible about it because he can't be allowed to contine this because someone is going to get hurt. Why was he in the psychiatric hospital? Did they say anything about the aggression towards the family?
  9. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    The high-volume thing might be sensory... which also goes with Aspie.
    But... just because they LIKE background noise and/or loud noises, does NOT mean they can "listen" with that around them. They may like it because it enables them to block out the world.

    And just because someone tested for Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) doesn't mean they tested for ALL of them. Did they give you detailed test results? If not, they probably only tested for classical Auditory Processing Disorders (APD). If they gave you detailed test results, check for the phrase "auditory figure ground" and for the phrase "auditory discrimination". If those aren't listed... they were not tested for. been there done that... the tests that would screen for that have been around for quite a few years, but they were not in use where we live, the first time we went through the process.
  10. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    He was hospitalized for aggression and disruptive . Phosh knows about it and changed it to risperidone cos they feel abilify was not doing what it should be doing .
    the aggression has been there before abilify was tried so I don't think risperidone is the cause.
    now he calmed down and has been doing his summer reading for the past 3 hours, dad just sat there sleeping with the tv on.

    teen goes to summer camp on weekdays and my 7 years old is usually not around him unless weekend, with no family or friends around, we are basically stuck at home on weekends
  11. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    *Can you give me an idea of where to get these tested?
  12. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    Testing for sensory issues is done by an Occupational Therapist (OT) - they test for motor skills, too. Either or both problems often go with being Aspie. AND, the Occupational Therapist (OT) has therapies, interventions and accommodations that work.

    Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) testing... I'm in Canada, and I've been told that how it is done here may not be available there. Here, a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) does a pre-screening - and you have to make sure the pre-screening test used includes these specific areas to test for (our first one didn't). If the Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) recommends detailed testing for Auditory Processing Disorders (APD), that report goes to the family physician, to provides a referral to a PhD-level audiologist specializing in Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) testing.

    If you have access to a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), that person should be able to tell you what the testing sequence would be where you live.
  13. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    I will try to contact the center and ask what they can do for us. Thanks
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I want to warn you that my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son, who hates loud noise usually, LOVES to listen to loud music and he cranks it into his ears from his earbuds. There are certain noises he doesn't like and some he can tolerate. He also does well in group situations although he isn't Mr. Friendly and is shy unless he is with people he knows who come up to him. All ASDers are different. No two are alike.

    Sensory issues are a huge part of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). What isn't so normal is his constant anger and acting out and I'm wondering if there are any mood disorders on either side of his family tree.

    Aspergers is far more likely to strike if bipolar or a mood disorder of another type is wired in the ole family DNA and they can also co-exist. I am thinking he is far more violent than most Aspies. The majority of Aspies we met in our large Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) group were pretty gentle and their parents did not complain about violence.

    I think you should take him to a neuropsychologist. That way the neuropsychologist will look for everything and not focus on one problem. I believe APDs are commonly seen in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). My daughter was diagnosed with one, but I think it was a misdiagnosis. She certainly doesn't seem to have symptoms of anything much anymore at age seventeen. Anything is worth a try if it may help though. I'd look carefully at a possible mood disorder which DOES cause violence/anger/aggression.
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    While I totally agree with a comprehensive evaluation - neuropsychologist is one option - MOST comprehensive evaluators do not have the capability to test for Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) or for Sensory or motor skills issues. SOME team-based evaluators might have these resources on the team, more frequently Occupational Therapist (OT) if anything.

    My experience is that it really pays to get every doggone evaluation you can get. Including medical evaluations... things like sleep studies, for example, if there's any hint at all of an issue with quality of sleep (it doesn't have to be a quantity issue)... because lack of quality sleep can be a major trigger for behaviour problems including violence. Typically, you get no more than you ask for... so, can you ask the family physician for a full medical work-up including blood work, to rule out any medical triggers for the issues? These medical triggers do not have to be new... they may have existed for a LONG time.
  16. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    You are right. Mood disorder is added to his diagnosis since his recent hospitalization . So what can I do with mood disorder ?
    We had his neuropsychological test two weeks ago, I wanted to find out what's other than asperger cos just like you have mentioned, he falls out of the typical classified asperger.
  17. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    He has bloodwork every few months and they never find anything not right. Is there specify something we should be looking in?
    he sleeps well, used to have sleeping issue when he was on adderall ( over 2 years ago) but now he sleeps from 9pm to at least 630am. I go down to check on him twice a night and he was always sleeping
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Quantity of sleep isn't the best or only measure. Is he a restless sleeper? Does he ever fall out of bed, or pull the covers off, or have trouble being able to make the bed the next morning because things don't quite line up any more? If so... he may have sleep quality issues. These can either be physical (things like sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome, for starters), or psychological.

    Not sure what they are checking on that blood work, but things like thyroid aren't necessarily "routinely" checked - and can really throw things out of whack.
  19. Crystal72

    Crystal72 New Member

    He sleeps like dead, wouldn't get up even when alalarm goes off.

    6 'months ago thyroid was checked and nothing wrong
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That's what mine was like - nothing could wake him, including... crashing out of bed. At his age, that isn't normal. One way or another, I'd be concerned.

    For us... it was mental exhaustion from a combo of dxes including Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD) and Auditory Processing Disorders (APD), plus anxiety among others. Getting help for Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD) (accommodations and Occupational Therapist (OT) therapy) and Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) (accommodations and technology) made a HUGE difference. I used to be able to clean his room while he slept. Now... I can't even tip-toe in to put away laundry!