First-- Hi. I'm new, I've been reading through many of these posts and it's helping me realize I'm not alone. Second-- I just ordered that book everyone recommends, the Explosive Child, and that will be my weekend task this weekend. Here's the situation. Dad's sister is diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. M* is the middle of 3 sons. They are in 2nd, 3rd and 4th grades. Dad and I split when M* was 4 years old. We have week on-week off custody and do NOT get along. Dad is very self focused (always traveled before the divorce, so never really raised kids, refused to feed or bathe them, etc, but insisted on "his share" of the custody because he is money focused and didn't want to have to pay that much child support) and is currently with his second live-in girlfriend since the divorce, and the kids say she is ALWAYS around dad. M* was taken in at 2 and a half for an evaluation by a child psychologist for anger/violence issues as well as the fact that I knew he just wasn't right-- he seemed to have no remorse or guilt for anything he did, no matter who he hurt or what he broke (there was one son a year older and one a year younger to compare to, so we know it wasn't environmental). He told us there was ODD with high anxiety but didn't want to strap him with that diagnosis at 3. He did not think ADHD at the time and suggested working with both parents. At the time my husband and I were not getting along and he refused to attend sessions, we were already seeing a marriage counselor. shortly after the divorce (at 5) M* behavior got worse. We had him evaluated by a big center who said Sensory disorder, he needs Occupational Therapist (OT). They were NOT good about testing, they put him in the best possible environment and never set him off, of course he didn't have a behavior issue. Got him the Occupational Therapist (OT), which did nothing except cost lots of money. By the time M* was in first grade, he was constantly in trouble at school for impulse (anger, violence) and hyperactivity issues. He was behind in reading, and the school talked about holding him back. Dad and I both did intensive interventions. We also took him back to the original child psychologist. That test read ADHD LOUD and CLEAR. M* was put on adderall just before the start of 2nd grade. The change was amazing. He was able to focus, to do well in school, and found a love of reading and writing. He also had a teacher that year who was flexible enough with him to allow him to get what he needed. Dad stopped giving him the adderall when he was out of school, so I did the same. He only was medicated during the school day, and would have outbursts at home. He was still violent and incredibly impulsive, especially with his brothers. Sometime around then, he began to have increasingly wild and violent temper tantrums. I would restrain him so that he didn't damage property (he is VERY small for his age, actually seeing doctors for that as well finally) but he would kick and bite and try very hard to hurt me. I would end up with bruises and scratches and bite marks from these episodes, but I will NOT allow him to destroy property. These would happen typically in clusters, 2 in one weekend then nothing for a couple weeks. Then 1 or two in a week then nothing for a month or two. This summer he was having those rages while on vacation. My mother saw them for the first time, and she was very concerned. I asked his pediatrician for a sedative or something, she referred us back to the psychologist. And then last week. twice in one night and once a couple days later. The defiance is suddenly MUCH worse, and then the anger and violence quickly follow. I'm battered and bruised from restraining him, but I was afraid that he was going to throw something through the window and it's winter in Michigan. He finally stopped when he threw his head back into my face (nearly breaking my nose) and I started crying, he immediately stopped and turned around and asked me if I was OK. I feel like I am much more consistent about rules than dad's house, as it sounds like he basically just lets them do what they want. But these tantrums only happen at my house. I have finally told M* that if he continues, I will not allow him to come to my house and he will have to stay with dad all the time. I can't have him hurting me. He has said he wants to be at MY House all the time and not go to dad's. I would love full custody but I'm sure that dad won't allow it because he'd have to pay more in child support. But I also think him living at dad's all the time would be the worst thing possible for him. SO... Questions: 1. He does not do this at dad's. WHY??? 2. Would having full custody at a single parent's house help? I think so, but would a medical person agree? 3. WHAT IS THIS??? 4. He's on adderall during school days, should he be on it all the time then? Or does this mean we need to switch medications? 5. Concerned about bipolar, since this seems to go in spurts or cycles. Is that a possibility? I'm just looking for ideas from others who have experienced this. I'm at my wits end. And thanks if you read all the way to the bottom... I guess just sharing is my own kind of therapy.