I have been down lately and I know it is because my youngest difficult child is not doing all he is suppose to...like the last two days of not going to school since he could not get up...he always has had a problem getting up in the am so this is nothing new..but he is in jeopardy of not graduating and it is hurting me real bad...my oldest difficult child did not graduate with his class because he was in real bad shape at that time but did graduate in the summer....I guess I am missing those Kodak moments I had looked so forward to..... Anyway...reading some of the post it has help reinforce that none of this is my fault..his actions and choices are his own and so must be the consquences....when the school calls I don't answer the phone anymore at home or work...it was and is still too hard to say "he would not get up" and let it be illegal absent for the day...my husband does it when they call him...he says it is his problem....however, when the difficult child finds out we did not cover for him it is me he comes to and makes me feel very guilty...I know now that this is the type of emotional blackmail my older son put me through...when his counselors at the treatment program told me this I did not understand at the time..I guess the more experience you get the wiser you become? I worry about probation and the community service thing...he knows the consquences if he does not comply so we don't bring it up to him at all..we let them do it..however, it hurts real bad to sit back and watch him fall..and this can cause some heavy duty consquences affecting his life not only for the moment but for his future... I had really detached for awhile but these feelings are all flooding back and I don't know why I am weakening at this point and feeling the paid again....anyone know? anyone ever fall backwards? Isn't it funny (not really) how when they mess up it effects us more than them? I have been thinking how I have been to there and back and cannot move forward for all the pain and they go on like nothing every happened...what is going on with me?