TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow
Member
Does anyone have experience with a loved one who has REPEATEDLY violated the foundations of trust to the point not even dust remains? Has that loved one ever regained your trust? Were they worthy of the trust they had earned back? How did you know you could begin trusting again? What did the relationship look like while trust was being re-established? What tools or resources did you find helpful along the path of healing? Feedback sincerely appreciated!!!!!
Our estranged adoptees have kind of "broken their silence" toward us as they approach their third year of estrangement following their conjoined-meltdown and false allegations against us.
I got a short and sweet text "Happy mothers day. Love you" from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) difficult child daughter. I replied enthusiastically and got a "" in return.
Shortly afterwards (a week or so) she saw hubby while she was taking care of "official business" at a local store.
Hubby reports she was all superficial (as if NOTHING had ever happened) and even introduces him to her partner "this is my Daddy!"
Father's Day brought a similar text from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) daughter difficult child followed by something like "I'm working today, hope I don't get shot.". (during her estrangement, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) daughter difficult child became a police officer after brief training at community college and was immediately hired by her ex-boyfriend's dad, who was recently fired for 'police are above the law' variety of misconduct.)
Father's day also brought a brief email from difficult child Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) DS two sentences, pretty much "I don't know if this is still your email address. If it is Happy Father's Day."
Hubby replied, about a paragraph, he was happy for the greeting, we hear he's overseas (airforce), we love him and wish his new wife well etc.
difficult child Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) DS confirmed yes, overseas... And provided a "more convenient" email address to respond to.
Meanwhile twice within the last month we've had former friends actually run away from us in stores based, we're certain, on lies our kids have told about us that have earned them over the last three years "local celebrity status" intense sympathy, expensive gifts, and free room and board.
I'm grateful our estranged adult adoptees are healing enough to start making contact. I figured healing would begin AFTER they had time away from their RADtypically-triangulated rescuers that DELIGHT in the entertainment our adopted childrens' mental illness provides.
daughter difficult child has been sleeping on her own pillow outside of her RADtypically-triangulated rescuers' home sine Jan.
DS difficult child has been overseas about a month. He has been out of his RADtypically-triangulated rescuers' home over a year, however his young bride DELIGHTS in the drama her new husband's mental illness provides. Being overseas, I believe, has given our DS difficult child the FIRST CHANCE to think clearly in over three years.
ANYWAY... I'm grateful for SLOW progress. I often wonder how I can EVER trust them again!!!!!!
I'm NOT OKAY WITH SUDDENLY PRETENDING NOTHING HAS HAPPENED!
I know for me, forgiveness is not optional! I need to KEEP ON MAKING THE DECISION to forgive them EVERY TIME unforgiveness rears its ugly head.
However, trust is a privilege. Once trust is broken, how can it be earned back?
Does anyone have experience with a loved one who has REPEATEDLY violated the foundations of trust to the point not even dust remains? Has that loved one regained your trust? Were they worthy of the trust they had earned back? How did you know you could begin trusting again? What did the relationship look like while trust was being re-established? What tools or resources did you find helpful along the path of healing? Feedback sincerely appreciated!!!!!
Our estranged adoptees have kind of "broken their silence" toward us as they approach their third year of estrangement following their conjoined-meltdown and false allegations against us.
I got a short and sweet text "Happy mothers day. Love you" from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) difficult child daughter. I replied enthusiastically and got a "" in return.
Shortly afterwards (a week or so) she saw hubby while she was taking care of "official business" at a local store.
Hubby reports she was all superficial (as if NOTHING had ever happened) and even introduces him to her partner "this is my Daddy!"
Father's Day brought a similar text from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) daughter difficult child followed by something like "I'm working today, hope I don't get shot.". (during her estrangement, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) daughter difficult child became a police officer after brief training at community college and was immediately hired by her ex-boyfriend's dad, who was recently fired for 'police are above the law' variety of misconduct.)
Father's day also brought a brief email from difficult child Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) DS two sentences, pretty much "I don't know if this is still your email address. If it is Happy Father's Day."
Hubby replied, about a paragraph, he was happy for the greeting, we hear he's overseas (airforce), we love him and wish his new wife well etc.
difficult child Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) DS confirmed yes, overseas... And provided a "more convenient" email address to respond to.
Meanwhile twice within the last month we've had former friends actually run away from us in stores based, we're certain, on lies our kids have told about us that have earned them over the last three years "local celebrity status" intense sympathy, expensive gifts, and free room and board.
I'm grateful our estranged adult adoptees are healing enough to start making contact. I figured healing would begin AFTER they had time away from their RADtypically-triangulated rescuers that DELIGHT in the entertainment our adopted childrens' mental illness provides.
daughter difficult child has been sleeping on her own pillow outside of her RADtypically-triangulated rescuers' home sine Jan.
DS difficult child has been overseas about a month. He has been out of his RADtypically-triangulated rescuers' home over a year, however his young bride DELIGHTS in the drama her new husband's mental illness provides. Being overseas, I believe, has given our DS difficult child the FIRST CHANCE to think clearly in over three years.
ANYWAY... I'm grateful for SLOW progress. I often wonder how I can EVER trust them again!!!!!!
I'm NOT OKAY WITH SUDDENLY PRETENDING NOTHING HAS HAPPENED!
I know for me, forgiveness is not optional! I need to KEEP ON MAKING THE DECISION to forgive them EVERY TIME unforgiveness rears its ugly head.
However, trust is a privilege. Once trust is broken, how can it be earned back?
Does anyone have experience with a loved one who has REPEATEDLY violated the foundations of trust to the point not even dust remains? Has that loved one regained your trust? Were they worthy of the trust they had earned back? How did you know you could begin trusting again? What did the relationship look like while trust was being re-established? What tools or resources did you find helpful along the path of healing? Feedback sincerely appreciated!!!!!