ex struggling with "labels"


New Member
Had a marathon IEP meeting, over 2.5 hours and nothing got signed. DS does not have an IEP, and his 504 from 2 years ago is not in place. We are looking at a new IEP that will allow him to get services in the Resource Room based on "symptoms indicative of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)". His father balked at the idea of him being "labeled" that ... he has an ADHD diagnosis, and testing with a neuropsychologist ruled out Asperger's (which teachers' and my info strongly suggested) a couple years ago. (He fought the ADHD label as well.)

Ex: Well, that label in his permanent file could keep him from getting into college!

Me: Well, E's in half of his classes could keep him from getting into college too!!

Just frustrated and venting a little ... ex would not sign the form to receive "special education" services without knowing EXACTLY what that would look like, we sat down and wrote up the entire IEP with all specifications, he stays in general ed classroom, except for those blocks of time where he NEEDS ASSISTANCE in getting started on a specific TYPE of assignment, plus gets assistance at the beginning and end of each school day as his grades are being very negatively impacted by a failure to turn in completed work on time. Plus, special consideration for "group" work, which he has a major issue with (the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)-like lack of social skills). All of this, and my ex still wanted to review everything for two weeks and reconvene after break.

I've been fighting for this for over two years, and he spent the first hour trying to convince everyone in the room that since he had been "left out of the loop" in the pre-IEP meetings, conferences, testing, etc. that he just couldn't agree to something so rash with no warning (hello? where ya been last two years, pal?) and every time I agreed with a recommendation, he chose to pick it apart, which led to me being uncharacteristicly silent through the last half of the meeting if only to keep him from arguing with everyone for the sake of opposing ME. *sigh*

:warrior: [on]

Can an IEP go forward without the consent of the non-custodial parent? I think all he did in that meeting is further establish what a roadblock he is!


Well-Known Member
I don't know if he can block the IEP. I'd check with your state's department of education. Ex is being difficult, whether to spite you or because of misguided gene pool pride. I hope he gets with the program soon.


504s and IEPs do not expire. A child has to be formally dismissed.

Unless otherwise ordered by your divorce/custody decree, non-custodial parents typically have the same authority as the custodial parent in education matters. Check your court docs or with your attorney.

Sounds like ex may have some unresolved "issues" from the former marriage. I hope that not to be the case because if it is, the one that will be hurt will be his son.


Re: your ex blocking the IEP, I would think it depends on whether or not you have joint legal custody. I have full physical custody, but joint legal custody which means theorteically that bio-dad is supposed to be involved with any decision making process regarding school, health care, etc. In my case, bio-dad is an idiot and we just don't tell him things (he lives 600 miles away - makes it easier).