Brief update on husband's family since I don't talk about them much. C, his mom, is elderly and does not hear at all. She also is a true diagnosed Obsessive Compulsive animal hoarder, arrested for such on multiple occasions. To put it mildly, she smells. husband can't stand to be around her, although she does live within 20 miles. I try to make him stay in contact with her, but it is difficult at best. Cards and gifts are purchased and sent by me. husband is the oldest. The middle sister, A, lived in California for many years, and about 12 years ago moved back here. She lived with their mom for a number of years, including two of her three children, Le, (now 30 y/s) P (now 21 y/o), and M (now 15 y/o). Le, the oldest daughter lived elsewhere when A first moved back to town and was a total difficult child. All of these children have different fathers whom none of us have ever met. Le moved back into town about 5 years ago and moved in with C, about the time that A, P, and M moved out. Le moved a friend in with C and "lived off" of her for a while. All we knew about her and her friend was how much they "like to go out dancing" and C had to keep quiet so she won't wake them during the day. While the housing market was still high husband & I encouraged C to sell the house and get into a very nice and affordable assisted living facility in the neighborhood at the time. She couldn't be talked away from her ability to hoard, so that was a no go, and Le made it clear that she was not happy that we were trying to take away her free room and board. Then Le had a baby a couple of years back and later got a place of her own. We learned about the baby when C called to tell us about it after the fact. The youngest Brother is J. He & his wife T have always lived within about 20 miles, and we don't see a lot of them, although we do try to participate in things when we are invited, which is few and far between. We were invited to Christmas in about 1993. Other than that and one of his wife's grown son's graduation, which we traveled by car 400 miles for in 2001, we have never been invited to any family or holiday event by any of these people. We've done Christmas's and Thanksgivings, and Mother's Days, over the years, and invited them. They came at first, but would show up two hours late, having already eaten at the homeless shelter before they came. A's daughter M was dirty and wiped food all over the curtains and walls and would chase the dogs through the house. A would never say a thing to her. So between not having anyone who actually wanted to be here from my family, and their obvious disinterest in celebrating a holiday with us, we gave up on the major holidays. Besides, when we did ask, we were told that it was happening at J's house or A's house but got no "would you like to join us". We've invited them all to most any large event that we've held in our home our outside the home over the years, and other than husband's 50th b-day last year which only J and his wife T came to, not one of them has ever shown up. J usually responds "no", and we never hear anything one way or another from the rest of them. We tried to make arrangements do dinner with husband's mom for Christmas last year, but J told us that Le had already planned Christmas for their mom so that was a "no". We weren't invited. I thought it was quite rude, but I don't really like these people so no I got over it. I can tell it rubbed husband the wrong way, though. So, out of the blue in February we get a "Save the Date" for Le's wedding to be held this fall about 100 miles from home. There was no "rsvp" on it, just a magnet. We've never met the bride or the groom, and haven't seen the rest of the family in years. I put a note on my calendar to send a gift and forgot about it. Yesterday C called while husband was out to ask if we were coming. She's so deaf, I'm not going to try to explain it to her on the phone. I sent a note to Le's mom A, and to J explaining that we couldn't really afford to travel (true), that we don't actually know Le or her fiance (true) and that we won't be coming, but would send a nice gift from wherever they are registered. This did not go over well. J's wife T wrote back that we should have taken this opportunity to get to know them, and we were invited because we "are family and family is what is important to Le and her fiance". Really? It hasn't been important to her in the past when it was general family stuff we wanted to share or would have liked to have been invited to. It hasn't been important to her in the past when we wanted to share our family's special times. You know that I politely let her have it with both barrels. Traveling is too physically demanding upon me to do it for one day for someone I don't know and I let that be known. If they had spent any time with us they would know that, but I left that unsaid. We have now said "no" to one invite. We might have said "yes" if anyone had ever made an attempt to respond to any of our past invitations to them or invited us to anything else, but that wasn't the case. No one should be mad, and it wasn't meant to make anyone mad. I made it very clear that if we were keeping score they were all way ahead of the game in blowing people off. They don't get to play the "you people acted like you were too good for us" card at this point. And I reiterated that we would be sending a gift. They can do with it what they please.