father in law passed away - UPDATE

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Big Bad Kitty, Nov 10, 2007.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I was close with him while I was married to DEX (Matt), and up until the time that Matt's brother died 8 years ago. Matt & I were on the outs with his folks after that (that's a post in itself) and he never reconnected with them until after we split. So, I was surprised to find myself teary eyed at the news.

    They knew it was coming, he was battling cancer for awhile, and the poor man was withering away to nothing. In fact, Matt was going to have the death talk with Tink this weekend (it is her weekend with him) but he passed last night and he never got the chance. So in a little while I will go pick her up from Princess Precious Glitterface and I guess the death talk is MY job. Oh why didn't someone sign me up for this sooner? I just can't wait.

    I also saw one of my stepsons last night for the first time in YEARS (x-stepsons? Tink's older half-brother) when they came to get Tink. Oh, I thought I'd die. The divorce is long over with, and the grieving is a thing of the past, but man oh man how I miss those boys.

  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    I'm so sorry, hon.

    Was Tink close to her grandpa?

    You'll be in my thoughts.
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    :sad: <span style="color: #3333FF">I AM SO SORRY!</span>

    On so many levels this must be so hard for you!

    Trying to talk to Tink, as well as grieve for yourself over basically a lost family. Oh so hard.

    I think the most important thing is probably sharing with Tink how hard this is going to be for her Dad, and explaining to her how people get sad, and what they might do or say when they are sad, so that Tink does not get scared when her Dad is going through this.
  4. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Sorry to hear of his death. Doesn't matter if you are married or divorced, the two of you were family. He will always be part of your memories.

    Good luck with the talk. I think the sex talk was easier.
    Death was a very sensitive issue with my difficult child.

    comfort being sent your way.
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Sorry for your loss.

    Hope the "talk" goes well. It's way too difficult being a parent sometimes....
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    BBK, I find that often when there is something/someone new to grieve over that the sadness from old losses reappears. That's the hardest part about grieving to me---that it never seems to really be over. sigh. :frown:

    I'm sorry.

  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry. I agree with-Suz, that old losses reappear at times like this. {{hugs}}
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm so sorry.

  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    You have my deepest sympathy. Death is never easy. When my dad died and I had to explain it to easy child she was almost 5. It was very difficult. She took it hard as she was close to him. As I am sure you know with Tink be open and honest about this. And don't be surprised if it is a major topic for a while. I will keep all of you in my thoughts.

    So sorry these things have to fall on you.

  10. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    BBK, I'm sorry! (((hug))) I hope the talk goes well. We had a student whose grandfather passed-he was very close to him- and the boy's mother told him pop-pop went to heaven. He came to school and told us pop-pop went to Beach Haven (that's a nearby town). -Alyssa
  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    BBK, I'm so sorry.

  12. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Sorry. I just had to deal with the death talk with my kids. It's never a comfortable thing.

    I had an old boyfriend who had a little girl. Once we broke up, I missed his daughter more than anything. I saw her once after and had to hide my face because she ran up to me so excited and I knew it would be the last time I'd see her. I can understand how you'd feel the way you did when you saw him.

    Sending hugs!
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh the joy's of ex-extended family...

    I am so sorry for your and Tink's loss... it does not matter if it is a blood relative a friend or just someone that touched tyour life... sometimes these things sneak up on us and surprise us.

    I was trying to tell someone that my, ex-stepmom's mom had passed a couple of months ago... it sounded so trivial with all of the titles!!! Like she was not as special as my Grandma would be. But she was my Grandma for a few years... it was still hard.

    It is OK to miss those boys. You have a heart, a big heart... maybe one day they will seek you out? I still keep in touch with my EX-StepMom!!! It took me a few years to contact her.
    We don't talk all of the time, but she is very special to me.

    I hope you have a healing weekend and tink takes it well.
  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I went and picked up Tink. I got to see the second of my 3 stepsons. He is 13 and wants to put me on his myspace. It was like I died and went to heaven. :smile:

    Tink and I had our talk when I got home. She says she gets it, the permanence of it. She knows about cemetaries, and she knows about heaven (explained pertaining to our faith). So she "gets" the body in one spot and the soul in another. She seemed to take it OK that he died, she understood that his "sick" was not the same as my "sick" or even Nana's "sick" (MS, fibromyalgia, CFS).

    A few hours later, she started. She was mad that her weekend with her father was interrupted. I reminded her that he was with his mom because they were sad. Her response was that she did not like Papa anyways because he was mean to her. She said all I care about was Papa and I should worry more about her because she's just a kid, and besides she's MY kid. I told her that she was way off base, didn't she get it that her grandfather had just DIED? She said She was mad that she would not get to see her dad this weekend. I told her to try to think about someone else, that her daddy would never EVER be able to see HIS daddy again. She said "I don't care. He (Papa) did not let me have jellybeans last Easter".

    Doesn't hold a grudge TOO long, now does she?
  15. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm sorry Tink is having such a difficult time - Do you think she is lashing out because of fear? You handled things well.

    You and Tink are in my thoughts and prayers...

    Sending cyber hugs...WFEN

  16. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Whether you had a relationship now with father in law or not doesn't make a difference. He was part of your past and your family. It wouldn't be natural if it didn't bring tears to your eyes.

    Sorry for your loss. Hope the talk with Tink goes o.k. I'm sure it won't be easy.
  17. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Karen & Tink,

    I am so sorry for the pain you are going through at this time. I hope that despite your loss you know your father in law & Grandpa won't hurt any longer and has found peace that he couldn't get here on earth.

    My heart goes out to you both
    Hugs & Love
  18. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Oh BBK, so sorry to hear the news. Maybe you could offer Tink some jellybeans now....?

    I hope she calms down and can try to enjoy the rest of the weekend. I kind of understand her selfishness, she's only 6 & we're still the Center of the Universe at that age.

  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss.
  20. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Big Bad Kitty, Keeping you and Tinkerbell and the family in my thoughts and prayers.