Feeling a little down

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JayPee, Jul 20, 2019.

  1. Deni D

    Deni D Member

    As we all are dear one, and as we should always be. I pray and hope for a lifting for you, myself, and everyone who visits here. We all deserve peace and harmony with the life within us and that surrounds us. It is our job to work to continually strive to get there and to understand it's also like an ocean, a tide that wanes and ebbs.
    Pema Chodron:
    We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again... The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

    Make no mistake this is not about staying on the merry go round with anyone would like to "make" us do what they feel is in their best interests. It's about us as we move forward making changes in our lives, accepting things as they are and understanding the end goal is not to do it all perfectly, there is no such thing as perfect in the human condition.
     
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Join the club. The Book Club that is. I forget if I mentioned it already. Forgive me if I have. But Busy has a thread about a book that has changed her life. Called Gifts of Acceptance, by Miller. About half a dozen of us (the list is growing) have bought it too (and waiting for it to arrive.) We are going to start a Book Club thread. Why not join us?
     
  3. Deni D

    Deni D Member

    I'm in, I'm going to order it tomorrow.
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I found it on Walmart Online cheaper than Amazon. *I got kicked out of Amazon.
     
  5. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    JayPee--I read your post this morning and my heart just breaks for you. My son has said similar things to us, wishing we were dead, wishing he were here so he could slap us, etc. As I read what your son said, I just felt so angry--angry with him. I just want to throw my two cents in and say that I said a little prayer for you and that I echo many of the responses to you. I so totally understand the draw to continue to try to "rescue" and "save" and I'm still dealing with that myself, but I just want to say that I hope you will come to the point that you can value yourself and the life God has gifted you with to not allow yourself to be beaten down. I think, at least for myself, I have misguided and inaccurate patterns of thinking about Josh that continue to lead me into being involved with his drama and with putting up with his abuse, but no one, and I mean NO ONE, deserves to be spoken to that way, least of all parents who have loved and made sacrifices for their child.

    When I'm struggling with my heart softening and giving in, I try to remind myself that he is not my "little boy" anymore. He is a grown man, an adult, and I need to look at him that way. Secondly, he is capable of being nice when he wants to, so his abuse is a CHOICE. Third, if I continue to allow it, I help him to continue to do evil and I help reinforce that behavior because he is rewarded for it. And it is evil. God says children are to respect and honor their parents, even the bad ones, and He takes that very seriously.

    You (and I, and all of us here) have to take care of ourselves, both physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. God has given us the life we have, and it is a stewardship he has entrusted to us, to use wisely. My husband has reminded me of this at times. That to continue to allow our son to beat me down is to negate the responsibility I have to live in the peace and joy He desires for me to have, which is not only good for me, but gives glory to Him. When I allow the abuse, I live in a state of depression, despair, guilt, fear, etc. and that is not God's will for my life (nor yours). You have been a faithful and loving parent to your son, as have I. That is all we are expected to be. I pray that God will strengthen you and enable you to do what is necessary to live as He wants you to live and what is ultimately best for your son. Don't feel like a failure; we all trip up at times just because we are all loving, compassionate, giving people. If we weren't, we wouldn't be struggling in the first place.
     
  6. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    My book should be in today's mail. I cannot wait to get my hands on it. Looking forward and open to healing and enlightenment.!
     
  7. JayPee

    JayPee Sending good vibes...

    Beta...thank you for your uplifting words. I am going to write this quote from you in my journal and re-read it regularly. I never thought of it as I was "helping him to do evil" but you are spot on and that goes against everything I ever did for my children growing up.

    I wish I could put all of you in my pockets...such wisdom, guidance and warmth from those going through the same things as me.

    I also love Deni's quote...It's like with every crisis, I hold my breath and pray to God I can get through it. I believe I need to lean into the crisis, breath deeply and move forward with God's grace. This is not about the "end" goal but rather the journey and God is teaching me lessons and knows me well enough that I usually learn the hard way.