tryingtobestrong
Active Member
I have posted here quite often about my adult son who is an alcoholic. The roller coaster is exhausting. Sober, relapse, repeat- just a never ending circle it seems.
He can never make it past 3 months. This last time was 72 days.
He seems like he is managing the drinking yet. Working from home, drinking, smoking his weed, relationship with girl seems fine... So, when he goes back to work in a few weeks I don't know what will happen.
The reason for my post is I seen a post from a church friend on Facebook. She lost her son to a drug overdose. They didn't know he was using. He commuted from college and must have done drugs and then never woke up. She confided in me about this. Not everyone knows the "why" behind his passing. In the post on facebook, she said she was doing her dishes and seen a cardinal on their deck. She felt it was him and then she was going through some old things and found the last Mother's Day card from her son. In there is said, "My gift to you is enough hugs and kisses for eternity". The irony in this. Anyway, that is why my post. What did I do wrong? I honestly don't have one good happy memory about my son from middle school on up. I never received a card or gift from my son. The one Mother's Day- he supposedly got me flowers (or so he sad) and because I wouldn't allow him to have a party with booze at our home he showed me the flowers and told me that they were going to be thrown out because I wouldn't allow a party. I didn't cave. I remember everything. All the curse words, all the lies, the yelling, the drunkenness, the booze bottles everywhere, the mattress that was constantly urinated on in his sleep, the calls with him crying that he messed up again, the calls where he couldn't find his keys, etc. I remember sitting and crying because he was drunk and refused to get help and he stood there and laughed hysterically at me pointing at me and asking me what my problem was... Just ugly memories. I still have my son, my friend does not. She is left with loving memories. She said he never left home without giving her a hug and kiss.
I must have really screwed up. We were once so very close and then puberty hit, depression and anxiety which led to booze and a new circle of friends.
Sorry for the long post. Just sad that I can't even look back at memories. All I remember is the last 10 years being filled with booze, weed, etc. He left home 4 years ago and moved far away. I have not seen him in 17 months and that is okay. I can't even bring myself to hear his voice. He did call the other week and my husband said he sounded great. I can tell he is back to drinking by the silence. The texts that are only because he needs to ask a question about health insurance. A mother knows.
I know everyone is different. Just don't get how unloving he is towards us. We were a loving family.
He can never make it past 3 months. This last time was 72 days.
He seems like he is managing the drinking yet. Working from home, drinking, smoking his weed, relationship with girl seems fine... So, when he goes back to work in a few weeks I don't know what will happen.
The reason for my post is I seen a post from a church friend on Facebook. She lost her son to a drug overdose. They didn't know he was using. He commuted from college and must have done drugs and then never woke up. She confided in me about this. Not everyone knows the "why" behind his passing. In the post on facebook, she said she was doing her dishes and seen a cardinal on their deck. She felt it was him and then she was going through some old things and found the last Mother's Day card from her son. In there is said, "My gift to you is enough hugs and kisses for eternity". The irony in this. Anyway, that is why my post. What did I do wrong? I honestly don't have one good happy memory about my son from middle school on up. I never received a card or gift from my son. The one Mother's Day- he supposedly got me flowers (or so he sad) and because I wouldn't allow him to have a party with booze at our home he showed me the flowers and told me that they were going to be thrown out because I wouldn't allow a party. I didn't cave. I remember everything. All the curse words, all the lies, the yelling, the drunkenness, the booze bottles everywhere, the mattress that was constantly urinated on in his sleep, the calls with him crying that he messed up again, the calls where he couldn't find his keys, etc. I remember sitting and crying because he was drunk and refused to get help and he stood there and laughed hysterically at me pointing at me and asking me what my problem was... Just ugly memories. I still have my son, my friend does not. She is left with loving memories. She said he never left home without giving her a hug and kiss.
I must have really screwed up. We were once so very close and then puberty hit, depression and anxiety which led to booze and a new circle of friends.
Sorry for the long post. Just sad that I can't even look back at memories. All I remember is the last 10 years being filled with booze, weed, etc. He left home 4 years ago and moved far away. I have not seen him in 17 months and that is okay. I can't even bring myself to hear his voice. He did call the other week and my husband said he sounded great. I can tell he is back to drinking by the silence. The texts that are only because he needs to ask a question about health insurance. A mother knows.
I know everyone is different. Just don't get how unloving he is towards us. We were a loving family.