Feeling guilty! Do others dislike their child?

[MsMichelle]

I feel very badly even typing this but find myself really disliking my son. I almost hate him sometimes. I fantasize about being a single almost 40 year old child-less person! How much different my life would be if I never had kids. The guilts get me though when I think like this because I KNOW my son never asked to be born and definitely never asked for a brain like the one he has.

My son doesn't go to school full days since his discharge from the hospital in March. His pick up time is 2:05. I got there a little early and was informed by the secretary that they were in the end of the year "Award Assembly". I was invited to join the already in progress assembly vs. having the secretary go in and get him. I sat in the back of the gym with a full view of the entire population of the school; teachers, staff, students, etc. It didn't take me long to find my son in the mass of children. He was the little blonde boy upfront that looked like he was on pogo stick (he was seated, but bouncing like crazy). I could see his teacher off to the side, shushing him, gesturing for him to SIT, SIT, SIT, grimacing at the other teacher next to her after correcting him for the 59 billionth time. Off and on the school counselor would come up and "sign" be quiet and sit to him. He would hold still for approx. 15 seconds. Several times when the other kids were cheering for the kids getting the awards you could hear his shrill scream. Ugh! I wanted to go grab him out of there, shake the stuffing out of him and ??? I don't know. Make him stop?? ((Just to be clear, I use no physical discipline.))

When it was all over, I asked why he had such a tough time sitting still (the Strattera has been helping that latelyid it was a "stupid boring assembly" and "No body likes me. I didn't get any awards." It did seem sad when you think about it, the assembly was for end of the year awards for citizenship (yeah, right!) reading (not yet) and math achievement (can't add 2 and 2, yet). Disheartening for the guys like my little nipper who aren't achieving on any level and are very aware of their shortcomings.


So I am sad for him and find it hard to even like him, all in one fell swoop. I DO love him, most of the time. Do other people feel like this OR am I awful? Yes, fishing for reassurance here!

 

[guest3]

::HUGS:: you are not alone.

I was at witts end with difficult child II over the past months, yet when he went in hospital this past week I was a wreck crying like a baby over missing him so much! You are not alone. I used to love roller coasters until my life became one LOL

 

[Wiped Out]

You are not alone! There are many days I don't like my difficult child-love him yes-like him no! I think it is a totally normal reaction to what we deal with on a daily basis. Sorry the assembly was so frustrating for difficult child today. Hugs.

 

[meowbunny]

I love my daughter with every inch of my being. I miss her not living with me. I am thrilled she is out of the house and I don't have to live with the drama, the garbage, all of it. I don't like her even a little at the present time.

So, I always love her, I don't always like her. It passes and I find the good in her again and begin to like her. Sometimes, it is her behavior I don't like. Occasionally, like now, it is the person that she is I don't like.

It really is okay to not always like your child. I think even parents with kids who have no problems have days and weeks where they don't like their kids.

 

[gcvmom]

I used to love roller coasters until my life became one.

That would make a great t-shirt!

 

[witzend]

I think it is perfectly reasonable that you feel that way. It's so difficult to live with our kids. I understand that you feel guilty about it. If you didn't, then there would be something wrong. I hope that you will be able to take some time for yourself. It's really important that we don't forget that we are individuals with our own needs.

 

[AllStressedOut]

You're normal, even if your child was a easy child and not a difficult child, you're still normal. It's okay to not always like them and I would say its normal to sometimes worry you don't love them. I think the fact that you do worry about it, shows you do love your child and you want to feel differently about not liking him right now.

Assemblies are hard for kids with problems, they certainly don't make them feel better about themselves.

It's okay to feel the way you do, we all do sometimes.

 

[Kjs]

I think all parents feel that way at times. Even parents of easy child's. There are just so many more difficult days with difficult child's. I often find myself wondering what it would of been like without difficult child. But, then he does something amazing and I have to be so thankful for him. He truly changed our lives.

 

[busywend]

There have been many threads like this through the years. You are certainly not alone.

I no longer feel that way - isn't that cool? To know it could change?!?!? Yes, I still have times where I would like to kick her in the tush, but I do believe most parents feel this way now and then.

I actually like my difficult child most of the time now. Of course, we are on a good streak.

However, I still have never been invited to an awards ceremony - she has never gotten one. I have had to deal with summer school 4 out of the last 5 years. I think she likes it.

I will be lucky if she graduates. She is already talking about a 5th year of high school because they mentioned it at the last IEP meeting.

 

[Sheila]

Ditto busywend.

Sounds like your little one is pretty hyper. I don't think Strattera does much, if anything, for the "H" in ADHD.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

I agree with the others. It is a perfectly normal feeling not to like your difficult child all the time. As so many others have said, I also love my difficult children but definitely do not like them all the time, or enjoy spending time with them. As Busywend said, there are lots of threads about this - mine is one of them. Also, read my post on the GM thread today!!! LOL!!!

I think it is important to take as much "me" time a possible.
"Me" time makes me a much better parent.

Also, the fine art of DETACHMENT is extremely important!!! I get through the worst difficult child moments by envisioning what I want my life to be like when my difficult children no longer live with me. While I will do everything I can to help them get the best start in life possible, there WILL come a time when I will take a "backseat" to the daily drama they create.

Sending lots of cyber hugs... I think I understand how you feel...

 

[Alisonlg]

Ah yes....definitely normal! In fact after reading your thread, I went to another parenting board I frequent (they all have easy child's) and dug up an old thread I had typed up right around when our problems with M were peaking in February this year. The first sentence was, "I hate him."

It's interesting...I mean in this day and age, after expending so much energy fighting with someone day in and day out, you'd DIVORCE them! LOL But, when they're your child, you really don't have that option, do you? It makes for a much different dynamic.

Some days I have to question which difficult child I loath more, as they are both driving me to the nut house. But, I do know despite it all, I do have great love for them, even if I don't totally enjoy them all of the time, and I will always have their best interest at heart and would never do anything to hurt them.

 

[timer lady]

You're experiencing something I have felt on & off over the years with one tweedle or the other.

It struck me though that it wasn't my child - it was their behaviors, choices, antics - their very disorder/illness that I loathed. That has lessened my frustrations in a way.

There are still days though.

I'm sorry about the awards ceremony - you're little guy is only 6. You're at the start of this journey with him. I would hope that his school learns better ways to redirect him & that the psychiatrist finds an effective medication for him.

Take care of your hurting heart this morning.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

My kid PUTS the "H" in ADHD.

I love her more than anything in this world. But, I don't like her a whole lot. She's another one who comes in the house crying "nobody likes me".

Well, gee, if you would stop hitting everyone...

 

[mum2JK&TH]

Ditto all of the above, I think we've all been there at one point. difficult child's teacher made up an award for him, maybe you could suggest it to your school for kids who have behavioral issues.

The Strattera did nothing for difficult child's ADHD, it did nothing for the hyperactivity. We had to switch him to Concerta to help.

(((HUGS))) It'll get better. I continue to try and love him for who he is, not who I wish he could have been.

 

[jbrain]

I think you are normal too. I have felt intense hatred for my difficult child 1, never mind not liking her. Now she is on her own and I like her despite herself. I get to see the "good" side and don't have to deal with the bad anymore. I can now love her and like her. I sometimes hate my husband with an intensity that astonishes me--I think the more we love someone the more we can also hate them!

Jane

 

[Running_for_the_shelter]

I think people who never feel a shred of dislike for their child-with-attitude are taking too much medication.

I don't think it's unusual to dislike your own cub sometimes. We don't always like our neighbors or co-workers and they have far less power to irritate us than our children do. I heard a sermon at church once in which the minister said that God created teen-agers so you're not sorry when they leave. Presumably, that was about easy child's, so how much more can a difficult child affect you?

I remember my mum telling me (after I was grown up) that although she always loved me, there was a period when she didn't like me at all. And who could blame her? I was a huge PITA! And it's not like I liked her all the time, either. [I was a difficult child; did you guess?] Anyway, don't thump on yourself. Be kind to yourself and keep hanging in there. Good luck and much love....

 

[Sunlight]

chiming in here to say there were LOTS of times I was so digusted with ant I wish I never knew him. hey, we are only human!

 

[Crazy-Steph]

It is very normal. There are many days that I wish difficult child wasn't here. Then he eventually does something kind or loving and I like him again.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im in the camp of those who love their kids but dont like them for much of the time. Even my son knows this. He asked me one day...do you love me? When I sighed...he said I know...but you dont like the behaviors...lol.