I feel very badly even typing this but find myself really disliking my son. I almost hate him sometimes. I fantasize about being a single almost 40 year old child-less person! How much different my life would be if I never had kids. The guilts get me though when I think like this because I KNOW my son never asked to be born and definitely never asked for a brain like the one he has. My son doesn't go to school full days since his discharge from the hospital in March. His pick up time is 2:05. I got there a little early and was informed by the secretary that they were in the end of the year "Award Assembly". I was invited to join the already in progress assembly vs. having the secretary go in and get him. I sat in the back of the gym with a full view of the entire population of the school; teachers, staff, students, etc. It didn't take me long to find my son in the mass of children. He was the little blonde boy upfront that looked like he was on pogo stick (he was seated, but bouncing like crazy). I could see his teacher off to the side, shushing him, gesturing for him to SIT, SIT, SIT, grimacing at the other teacher next to her after correcting him for the 59 billionth time. Off and on the school counselor would come up and "sign" be quiet and sit to him. He would hold still for approx. 15 seconds. Several times when the other kids were cheering for the kids getting the awards you could hear his shrill scream. Ugh! I wanted to go grab him out of there, shake the stuffing out of him and ??? I don't know. Make him stop?? ((Just to be clear, I use no physical discipline.)) When it was all over, I asked why he had such a tough time sitting still (the Strattera has been helping that latelyid it was a "stupid boring assembly" and "No body likes me. I didn't get any awards." It did seem sad when you think about it, the assembly was for end of the year awards for citizenship (yeah, right!) reading (not yet) and math achievement (can't add 2 and 2, yet). Disheartening for the guys like my little nipper who aren't achieving on any level and are very aware of their shortcomings. So I am sad for him and find it hard to even like him, all in one fell swoop. I DO love him, most of the time. Do other people feel like this OR am I awful? Yes, fishing for reassurance here!