For those of you who might remember...An update on MRNO

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Martie, May 13, 2009.

  1. Martie

    Martie Moderator

    I asked the Moderators whether or not I should post this (after posting in the Mods Forum) and they all said, "Yes! we need to hear the positives" even though there are not many of you who remember my son ten years ago this month when I joined this board. I do not believe I have done a general post since he got into both Eastman and Juilliard. At that time, four years ago, your interest and enthusiasm made the dark days seem worth it.

    For those of you who do not know my ex-difficult child, he was very depressed and spent 14 months in an EGBS in MA from ages 14 to 15.5. He was an extraordinarily musically gifted child but combined with the depression, ODD emerged at adolescence and he did not play at all from ages 14 to 16. Since he returned from EGBS, he has really been OK, and it may be tempting fate to say this, but when MRNO came back from EGBS, I never for a second stopped feeling like the mother of a difficult child. When he got into Juilliard and made it through the first semester, I knew I was being irrational, but I never stopped feeling like the mother of a difficult child. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

    I think now that my son is not a difficult child and I am still his mother, but not the mother of a difficult child. Of course, he is at great risk (statistically) for another major depressive episode, but I think that even if that should happen, he will be a person with major depression but still not a difficult child....or at least that is what I hope.

    I think I should stop waiting for the worst because----


    He will be studying for a Master's degree in music in organ performance (same as his undergraduate major.)

    What a relief. I thought he would get in, but you never know....He said his audition went well, and he never overestimates. He gets a full ride scholarship plus $3,500. He has gotten a part time church job to make ends meet, a car for graduation, and all he needs is a place to live.

    On a personal note, I am delighted. When I was an undergrad, Yale was my favorite place to have a boyfriend of the moment because the campus was so beautiful. Now I will get to see it again, probably several times. It is a two-year program.

    In addition to this news, MRNO is going to Korea for the third summer in a row following his graduation from Juilliard which is in 10 days. Two days after returning from Korea, he is going to England as the organist for the choir in which he was a little choir-boy long ago. I think it is a fitting ending to what turned out to be a twelve year journey that NO ONE would ever have predicted would end as it has...

    Is he "really" OK? I don't know---I'm used to him--he IS moody and has "artistic temperament" to the hilt. However, he is a responsible professional who manages his own affairs, and when he needs to do new things (such as lease an apartment for the first time) he asks for help. It is a unique experience to have a child who exceeds most everyone around in a talent area by the age of twelve, but be exceptionally incapable in other ways. I guess one way of looking at him is to say, "Yes, he's still different, but ‘good’ different” and the world of the arts is a lot more tolerant than the world of 3rd grade so that he (and I) survived to tell the tale!

    Martie :D
  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    :bravo: I am sending Mr. No and his best secret weapon- you a standing ovation. What an amazing turn around! I'm in awe. I'm actually moved to tears at his great success.

    Unique is definitely tolerated more as an adult than a 3rd grader. Congratulations.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's great news Martie. My update is not as good and I'm sure it never will be as good as yours. But I am happy for youand for ex-difficult child. What a great accomplishment. Hopefully we will hear him play some day.

  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    It's nice to know there are positive outcomes for some of our difficult child's! :D Thanks for sharing that inspiring story!
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Wow Martie. I know you must be soooo proud of him---and Yale, what a great thing. It sounds like he has found his place in the world. How wonderful for him.
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Wow Martie. That's wonderful.
    I love the term ex-difficult child. Really keeps the flame of hope alive.

    Congratulations to MRNO, and wishing him all the best with his Master's, his job, and well...everything. What an exciting path to be travelling.

  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    That's so wonderful to hear Martie! You've helped me so much with all of the different school issues, I'm so glad to see things working out!

  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    That is wonderful news, Martie.

    Our aim as parents is for our children to eventually leave home and live happy, productive and independent lives. For some of us, it's a work in progress.

    Since you were here regularly, we've reached one huge milestone - difficult child 1 got married. A lot of Aspies can't sustain enough social 'cred' pluscapability, to get this far. Some choose to live a single life. I have no illusions of difficult child 1, his wife is also his carer, but increasingly he is becoming her carer and meeting his own obligations. Ironically, a current legal crisis he is enmeshed in (drove an uninsured car through a doctor's BMW while running a red light) is training him to cope even more. His wife has had to step away from the issues and has handed back to me, what he can't handle. But each time I see him I am impressed by how he is coping in his life and how much he is working on maintaining his marriage.

    We can't always be as successful as you have been - failure to make it all the way shouldn't be a source of guilt for us (although it often is). All we can do is set our goals but be grateful for anything we achieve, even if it falls short of our ambition.

    And who knows? Maybe our difficult child will still make it, it just may take a bit longer. Or maybe we have got thm further down the path than they could have been expected to manage, simply by everything we have done.

    Martie, you and your son are an inspiration to us all, to never give up hope.

  10. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Wow, Martie! That's great news! My dad was a Yalie (major difficult child too). I was one of the first post WWII Yale born babies. I wish your son well, you have done a great job as a mom. Now you need to learn the whiffenpoof song because Yalies never get over being Yalies. Some type of virus, I think.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Martie....I am crying boatloads of happy happy tears! As if I would ever forget one of my most special board I have high hopes of hearing him play sometime.

    Gosh...Julliard and Yale? What a resume!

    Maybe you could bring or send a CD to the board reunion?

    Tell him we are so proud of him.
  12. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    :bravo:Thank you for sharing your fabulous news !! It give us all hope...and tonight I think I need hope....Best wishes to you and your non-difficult child...easy child MrNO
  13. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Congrats!!! :D
  14. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    That's awesome! You must be so very proud of the BOTH of you!
  15. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    What a wonderful update Martie. Way to go MrNo..

  16. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    Thank you! :err: (happy tear)
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    What a great update!
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Congratulations to you and MrNO.

    It IS a lovely thing to follow a story like yours for so many years and see positive outcomes in print.

    Add me to the list of proud board Aunties.

    Thank you for sharing.
  19. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Wow, Martie! What an awesome post! GREAT way to start my day! What an inspiration you and your amazing son are. My easy child 1 is the moody/artsy type so I understand the "different good"!

    Congratulations to you and your son!!:bravo::congrats:

    Hugs, Vickie
  20. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    What a great post! Thank you for sharing it with us, Martie.