Lil
Well-Known Member
First, I have no problems compared to many of you fine, brave, hurting parents and I apologize, because I simply have no where else to rant. So here I go:
So...the college lets my son back in and as I reported last month, we finally gave him his $760 student loan - supposedly to buy a computer and to live on. Of course, then the other student loan comes in and I was shocked at how much it was - $1,680 - apparently because he's taking fewer classes this semester; 8 instead of 15 hours. We'd determined that it was his money. That he borrowed it (I'm not on that promissory note) that he'll have to pay it back and that if he wants it he can have it. Frankly, I'm not sure we'd have any right to do anything but give it to him anyway, legally speaking.
January 28, $1,680 goes into his account. His bank account shows up on our internet banking and is linked to our accounts. Not monetarily - we can transfer money back and forth between his and ours - but while we have access to his, he can't access our accounts and he does not have overdraft ability. Anyway, two days later, a letter from the school addressed to him. We open it of course, because it could be important and he's 4 hours away. "Our records show you are not regularly attending this class. If you want to withdraw you must do so by <date>." I call him up. He swears he only missed two days. His first remark was he'd been busy. BUSY! I won't bother to tell you how well "busy" went over with me. Then he's "been sick once and overslept once" and he's really doing fine and keeping it together and really, honestly, he's going to do well this semester. Yeah. Right.
TEN days after his money is deposited, I go to internet banking to check our own account and make sure certain bills have paid and see his balance. $680 and change. He's spent ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS in TEN DAYS! Looking at his transactions, there's a lot of ATM withdrawals...but there's also a LOT of fast food and cigarette shops - almost $100 - and gas stations and (oh joy) a piercing and tattoo studio to the tune of $121 and Walmart and other stores...some in other nearby towns (his college is in a tiny town, you have to drive about an hour to do much) and $300 in various on-line gaming junk. So...text the son. "It's your money, but do you realize how much you've spent? You would have had $400 a month if you had budgeted. Now you have $160 a month. I'm just saying this because it's easy to lose track if you don't pay close attention. Etc., etc." His response..."I know, it's good, I'm budgeting the rest, blah, blah, blah."
Three days later and he's down ANOTHER $300.00. That's right, he's now withdrawn ONE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS in 14 days!
This text was a little more on point. "Do you realize you are not getting another PENNY from us? What the heck are you thinking? You are down to $380 to last 3 1/2 MONTHS! You could have lived comfortably. You could have gotten a job and used it for a down payment on a car. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"
His response: He has a considerable amount of cash and "for the most part" he's going to budget the rest, and he's set money aside for gas, cigarettes, etc. and as soon as the weather is better he's going to job hunt.
I shouldn't let this bother me so much. The fact is it's his money. Yes, we're still supporting him since we are stuck paying his dorm whether he's there or not and we're stuck paying his cell phone because of the contract, but other than that we're not giving him money. He's the one that borrowed that money. He's the one that has to pay it back. Drugs? I don't know. Like I said, there's a lot of purchases I can trace. Only one to what I can determine is the local head shop...but who knows what he bought? Probably a pipe and some hippie/goth clothes. But there's a lot of cash too.
And you know, I'm really just as angry that he spent $300 on stupid gaming stuff. Three hundred dollars! I don't spend $300 on myself in a year! I own ONE pair of jeans! I wear the same three outfits to work over and over, because I never spend money on myself. I bought new panties the other day and it was the first time in two years! And he blows $1,300 in two weeks.
It's not even that I didn't expect it. I expected him to blow quite a bit. But I honestly thought, once I pointed out the first time how little he had left, he's watch it just a little. He dropped $150 THAT DAY!
I'm just so freaking disappointed in him. I hate feeling like this. I want to be able to look forward to hearing from him and I'm not. At this point I see it coming. I see the phone calls because he's out of money and out of cigarettes and I'm going to have to be one dealing with it because he always asks me. I've already told him not to ask because it'll be his own darn fault. But it will happen. He'll be broke and miserable and take it out on me.
I want to be proud of my son and I'm not. I hate that my facebook friends and relatives post about their kids with a photo of their name on the Dean's list or their college scholarships or their dating the perfect girl. My husband and I met a realtor the other day (just browsing) but she launches into her kid and the girl he's dating (from my hometown which is how the conversation got started) and how he's working here and paying all the prom expenses himself and saving money for college/car/retirement and I'm thinking, "Oh your son is a brain surgeon/rocket scientist/Miracle of God? How nice for you! Mine's flunking out of college because he's too busy being a useless stoner waste of skin to live a decent life."
Guess I'm not as detached as I thought I was a few weeks ago.
Maybe I should look at the bright side. Given the amount of money he's spent on on-line gaming and software, it's pretty certain he actually did buy the other kid's computer last month.
Lil
So...the college lets my son back in and as I reported last month, we finally gave him his $760 student loan - supposedly to buy a computer and to live on. Of course, then the other student loan comes in and I was shocked at how much it was - $1,680 - apparently because he's taking fewer classes this semester; 8 instead of 15 hours. We'd determined that it was his money. That he borrowed it (I'm not on that promissory note) that he'll have to pay it back and that if he wants it he can have it. Frankly, I'm not sure we'd have any right to do anything but give it to him anyway, legally speaking.
January 28, $1,680 goes into his account. His bank account shows up on our internet banking and is linked to our accounts. Not monetarily - we can transfer money back and forth between his and ours - but while we have access to his, he can't access our accounts and he does not have overdraft ability. Anyway, two days later, a letter from the school addressed to him. We open it of course, because it could be important and he's 4 hours away. "Our records show you are not regularly attending this class. If you want to withdraw you must do so by <date>." I call him up. He swears he only missed two days. His first remark was he'd been busy. BUSY! I won't bother to tell you how well "busy" went over with me. Then he's "been sick once and overslept once" and he's really doing fine and keeping it together and really, honestly, he's going to do well this semester. Yeah. Right.
TEN days after his money is deposited, I go to internet banking to check our own account and make sure certain bills have paid and see his balance. $680 and change. He's spent ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS in TEN DAYS! Looking at his transactions, there's a lot of ATM withdrawals...but there's also a LOT of fast food and cigarette shops - almost $100 - and gas stations and (oh joy) a piercing and tattoo studio to the tune of $121 and Walmart and other stores...some in other nearby towns (his college is in a tiny town, you have to drive about an hour to do much) and $300 in various on-line gaming junk. So...text the son. "It's your money, but do you realize how much you've spent? You would have had $400 a month if you had budgeted. Now you have $160 a month. I'm just saying this because it's easy to lose track if you don't pay close attention. Etc., etc." His response..."I know, it's good, I'm budgeting the rest, blah, blah, blah."
Three days later and he's down ANOTHER $300.00. That's right, he's now withdrawn ONE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS in 14 days!
This text was a little more on point. "Do you realize you are not getting another PENNY from us? What the heck are you thinking? You are down to $380 to last 3 1/2 MONTHS! You could have lived comfortably. You could have gotten a job and used it for a down payment on a car. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"
His response: He has a considerable amount of cash and "for the most part" he's going to budget the rest, and he's set money aside for gas, cigarettes, etc. and as soon as the weather is better he's going to job hunt.
I shouldn't let this bother me so much. The fact is it's his money. Yes, we're still supporting him since we are stuck paying his dorm whether he's there or not and we're stuck paying his cell phone because of the contract, but other than that we're not giving him money. He's the one that borrowed that money. He's the one that has to pay it back. Drugs? I don't know. Like I said, there's a lot of purchases I can trace. Only one to what I can determine is the local head shop...but who knows what he bought? Probably a pipe and some hippie/goth clothes. But there's a lot of cash too.
And you know, I'm really just as angry that he spent $300 on stupid gaming stuff. Three hundred dollars! I don't spend $300 on myself in a year! I own ONE pair of jeans! I wear the same three outfits to work over and over, because I never spend money on myself. I bought new panties the other day and it was the first time in two years! And he blows $1,300 in two weeks.
It's not even that I didn't expect it. I expected him to blow quite a bit. But I honestly thought, once I pointed out the first time how little he had left, he's watch it just a little. He dropped $150 THAT DAY!
I'm just so freaking disappointed in him. I hate feeling like this. I want to be able to look forward to hearing from him and I'm not. At this point I see it coming. I see the phone calls because he's out of money and out of cigarettes and I'm going to have to be one dealing with it because he always asks me. I've already told him not to ask because it'll be his own darn fault. But it will happen. He'll be broke and miserable and take it out on me.
I want to be proud of my son and I'm not. I hate that my facebook friends and relatives post about their kids with a photo of their name on the Dean's list or their college scholarships or their dating the perfect girl. My husband and I met a realtor the other day (just browsing) but she launches into her kid and the girl he's dating (from my hometown which is how the conversation got started) and how he's working here and paying all the prom expenses himself and saving money for college/car/retirement and I'm thinking, "Oh your son is a brain surgeon/rocket scientist/Miracle of God? How nice for you! Mine's flunking out of college because he's too busy being a useless stoner waste of skin to live a decent life."
Guess I'm not as detached as I thought I was a few weeks ago.
Maybe I should look at the bright side. Given the amount of money he's spent on on-line gaming and software, it's pretty certain he actually did buy the other kid's computer last month.
Lil