Fred is at it again

[danablue]

Just got a call from Rev. He's on his way to pick up Fred from school. He's suspended for hitting a kid on the bus and "dragging him out of his seat."

He's getting worse.

Yesterday morning we had a full-out altercation (me, unfortunately, losing it and screaming at him) over his school uniform. He deliberately puts on the wrong one, then waits until 30 seconds til he has to leave for the bus stop, hoping that we'll just let it go. But I snapped, both at the deviousness of it and at his refusal to do anything I say, ever. I made him change, yelling the whole time. He started crying and I felt like a jerk. He missed the bus, of course, and Rev had to drive him to school.

I'm sure that fed into his aggression this morning.

Still trying to set up a psychiatric appointment. I hope we can get a handle on this before he gets prosecuted for bulllying and/or we get sued.

This weekend is going to suck.

 

[Fran]

Reading the Explosive Child may help.
What happens if he wears the wrong uniform? Natural consequences are a good thing for 14yr olds. You have to pick your battles.
I'm sure the uniform wasn't the issue as much as his need to create a situation to be oppositional.

 

[danablue]

He has a gym uniform (which he prefers because it's a tee shirt and sweat pants) and a regular uniform (button down shirt and khakis). It was not gym day, so he would be out of uniform and either sent home or get a detention. He knows this, but he wants what he wants when he wants it.

I read The Explosive Child years ago, along with The Difficult Child (this one helped a lot), The Strong Willed Child, and Dare to Discipline, plus a few I'm forgetting.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi Danablue,
I agree that the early a.m. uniform incident ramped him up for his later explosion.
I'm wondering if you can talk to him the night before and remind him that he's wearing his regular uniform the next day? One thing I've done is wait until my son is in the bldg, then go into the ofc and drop off the correct clothing, giving the admin a heads-up. That way I don't have to go back at some strange hour.
And the school gets to be the one to tell him he's out of uniform. Just a thought.
There will surely be other things, but you have to outwit him. That's the hard part.

 

[Bluemoon]

I'm wondering if the uniform thing was not because he wanted to be sent home from school?

I like Terry's idea. Is he at all intimidated by the school personel?

I do hope you can get a diagnosis and some help and idea's soon. Also, does he know he is adopted but that the other children are bio? He could potentially be acting out over an issue he could have with that. Just a thought.

 

[KTMom91]

Although Miss KT did not have to wear a uniform to school, our district does have a fairly strict dress code. From junior high on, I let the school handle it if she chose to show up out of dress code. It wasn't me who had to serve the detention, the in-school suspension, or whatever else they came up with. It took a while for her to catch on, but she finally decided that since I didn't react, it wasn't as much fun to push it on the dress code. I would remind, but that was it. I also spent a lot of time reminding myself...It's Not My Problem, It's Not My Problem...

 

[TiredSoul]

Awesome advice on the natural consequences of letting him wear the wrong uniform to school. And I love Terry's idea of taking the correct uniform to school so when they call him on it, it is right there for him to change into! Brilliant! Then if he refuses to change into the correct one, I would request that in situations like this he gets in school suspension rather than being sent home. Being sent home doesn't work if they 'want' to go home.