Funny? Not funny?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ksm, Aug 30, 2019.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Almost a year ago, our older daughter got into an altercation with one of her roommates at the time. Both girls got a domestic violence charge, but she took a diversion. She had to take an anger management class. The class takes most of the day, and costs money. She has procrastinated and now has to go back to court because she didn't complete payment and the class. She hopes to get an extension.

    I told her to be open about the class, and maybe she will learn some coping skills. Her words "taking an anger management class and having to pay to take the class is only going to p!ss me off more and make me angrier!! All my friends who took the class said it just made them more angry!"

    Sigh. I hope she moves out soon! Ksm
  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Nothing more than classic denial of dealing with her issues.
    I remember when we were in family counseling with my son - one of the many counselors we had told my son that his anger issues needed to be addressed. My son, in a raised voice, told the counselor "F off! I don't have any F'ing anger issues"
    When we got home, I showed my son the various holes he had punched in our walls and told him, "you did this when you were angry, you do have an anger problem" - his reply, "you're lucky I didn't punch a hole in you, now F off and leave me alone"
    Yup, no anger issue here. o_O
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  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Another funny, not funny...

    DGD was actually home when we went to bed. I reminded her if there was any left over pizza to put in zip lock bag and put in fridge. She did!

    But on top of my stove she left a pair of dirty socks she wore for two days. Sigh... Ksm
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  4. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    Sounds like she needs new friends. But, she needs to figure that out. The courts will eventially give her a reality check. We can only hope she eventually sees she is in this position for one reason, her behavior.

    Thinking of you.
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Blindsided...I hope. But I'm not holding my breath. Not been a good morning. First she said she would be home at 10pm. (She has not spent a night here for 3 days) then 10:15 ok? I offered 10:30 is ok. Going to bed after the news.

    10:45. Not home. Called/texted, no response. 11pm - she texted. Omg - I thought I hit send! Just going to spend the night here,

    4am. House phone rings. She's at the front door. Said she had to leave where she was as someone else was coming over! WTHeck?

    I couldn't fall back asleep. She slept til 9am. Now she's at work. She flooded the main floor bathroom. I think after the shower, she put the curtain outside the edge of tub base. All the water from curtain puddled on floor and was almost to hallway.

    And she wonders why I'm so grouchy... Ksm
  6. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    One more. Not funny! Older DGD had saved about $350 towards a car. But her phone died Saturday. I knew we could get a cheap one in 2 days by ordering on line with the company she has used for 3 years. Nope, she spent all of it on a phone and one months service. Didn't have enough to buy a phone case for it. In less than 24 hours, she had dropped it and cracked the screen...

    No one listens to me... Ksm
  7. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Ugh...phones! DS was the king of broken phones. We got him a NICE smart phone before he left for "college". We also got him an Otter Box. Those things are like a vault, I swear; almost impossible to break a phone with one on. He wouldn't leave it on. Said it over heated his phone. Of course, he broke the phone, said if fell off his bed onto the concrete floor of the dorm room. $150 insurance copay and he had another...(he had to send the broken one back so I know he didn't sell it or something). Literally less than a month later - he was ordering Sonic and held his hand out the car door to press the button - and dropped the phone. $150.00 and ANOTHER new phone. Told him that was the last new one one.

    He broke it. We reactivated his dad's old phone - one of those square business ones I can't remember the name of that had a keyboard and little poking thing. He broke it. We reactivated his old phone that had a slide-out keyboard. He broke it. We reactivated my old Katana that was like 8 years old. He broke it. We reactivated a FLIP PHONE - like the phone we gave him when he was 13! That was it. He got his own plan after that and had to pay for his own phones.
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  8. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Wow, lil. I think our two are twins! She lost her first phone at the state fair. She lost my old flip phone (that I had loaned her to use at Silver Dollar City when we were there on spring break) on a roller coaster. Luckily I had thought ahead and put an address label on the back! Two weeks later it was found and I got it back. She has put at least two phones on the top of a car, and once she realized it, drove back hunting for her phone and drove over it. Another time, someone else drive over it, posted on fb, and she got it back. But, it cost too much to fix. Another time, she left one at the lake, and someone posted it on a local page and we got it back. Younger sis had a free government phone she wasn't using, so I leaned it to her until she could put money on her phone. Within a week, it was gone too. AND that is why I didn't want her to spend $$$ on a new phone. Ksm
  9. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    It will be interesting to hear her story next time she wants to stay out.

    You deserve respect.

    I am learning from the detachment article someone shared here.
  10. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I think the static encephalopathy she had plays a big role in things like this.
  11. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    And Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS).
  12. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Crayola13 and BusynMember-

    Yes, I'm sure it is the FASD/static encephalopathy. She has also been diagnosis as bipolar. I question whether it is all alcohol related? It doesn't seem like the psychologist puts too much interest in the FASD. She doesn't look 'typical" Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). I am worried that medication for bipolar may make thinks worse.

    It seems like when things are going well, she is almost giddy. When it's not she's very depressed. Sounds like bipolar, but I think it's more her social (not chronological) age and how she reacts to everything.

    We did go to a FASD clinic, and they said she was. Only one facial feature. But she has always been very small. Had a smallish head circumference, at birth. When they examined here, I was in another room, so I don't know specifics.

    She lives in the moment. Can't plan ahead. Can't take responsibility for her actions.

    I've been her external brain for years. And she resents me.

    I understand, but it's still so frustrating to watch everything fall apart.

  13. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    You can have no physical features and still be Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE). I would not trust features for a diagnosis. These people suffer mostly invisibly and just cant thrive, learn common sense, stay out of trouble and, worse, tend to substance abuse themselves.

    The Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) kids who look completely normal suffer the most because doctors don't believe they have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and misdiagnose them, call them bad, lazy, ADHD, bipolar, antisocial etc when it all happened because the pregnant mother poisoned their developing brain with alcohol and often drugs too. These normal looking adults puzzle everyone and people expect them to be able to step up. But with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) you really can't.

    In the latest I research I read, they recommend lifetime supervision for those with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). Those who actually got diagnosed expressed relief and said things like "Everyone always blamed me but I knew I couldn't help it. I'm so relieved to know that I am doing my best."

    Always wondering about Kay, who looks normal. But....I am pretty sure her birthmother drank while pregnant. So sad.
  14. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    The psychiatrist I transcribe for has said that alcohol is even worse in utero than drugs in utero, as bad as they are. It's so sad to think that people's lives are irrevocably impaired because of the foolish, selfish decisions of their biological mother to ingest alcohol and substances.
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