Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tryingtobestrong, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. Hello, I haven't been around much lately. Just caught up in a relapse with my adult son who lives across the usa.
    Should be sober now roughly 20 days after a 5 week drinking binge. He left sober living and the IOP and of course moved to an apartment alone.... took about 4 days and relapse. Finally went back to work this week.
    Luckily short term disability was able to help out. After 5 weeks of seeking no help, he had to to save his job basically. So now is sober... His 2 week treatment is complete... Not one counselor will return my call to let me know if he is continuing with an outpatient program or is not unaccountable again.
    SO... out of the blue last night he text me asking me if I could send him some links to a new mattress and loveseat... (We had purchased the last ones when he moved back in Aug. to his new place after the girlfriend left)... He told me last night that after all that drinking... he had accidents on the furniture and mattress (Typical- that is why he needed a new mattress in the first place. Even bought a protector for it but he took it off)
    I think he thought we would just say we would pay for it but NOPE. Not going there.

    So my ? is ..doe anyone know if these 2 items can be professionally cleaned? I was researching and it looks like there are places that would clean the loveseat but I wasn't sure about a mattress.

    He also proceeded to state that he is in very bad credit card debt... (When he was sober and in sober living he sweet talked my parents into helping him with his cc debt and they did with the understanding he would pay them back little by little... yep, he never did and now has them racked up again)
    I don't even reply to the texts anymore. So disgusted.
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    For about $25 you can buy an inflatable twin size air mattress. I've had one for the past ten years that I use for church retreats, and loaned to others when they needed it. It has held up great for a small investment. You can also purchase a machine to inflate it for about $15.

    And it would be easy to clean and disinfect... Ksm
  3. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi TTBS,

    Any carpet cleaning business will probably clean furniture, including the mattress; however, you really should let your son figure out how to pay for it.

    He is a grown man and really needs to learn how to solve his problems on his own.

    And really, stinky furniture is the least of his problems.

    Like most of our difficult young adults, he feels entitled to having all his problems solved by others.

    All your help hasn’t helped. All the grandparents help hasn’t helped.

    The good news is that your son still has his job, which is more than most of us can say about our difficult adults. He is competent and capable.

    How are you doing?

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  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    So sorry to hear that your son relapsed. I will pray for him that he will be able to beat and then manage his addiction and also that you will have some peace.

    Tough stuff.
  5. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    We have to hope he doesn't go on another Binge, but he might. He didn't bother to put down towels and trash cans so he basically didn't care about the love seat and mattress he already had. I'm not sure buying new ones is a good idea until he has been sober much longer. I understand he has a lot of debt but with time he can get a cheap mattress for $200. He can get a decent couch at Goodwill.
  6. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    He is getting a job. He can buy his furniture. Goodwill has deals. Some used sofa couches are $50. He doesnt need fancy and nice until he can afford it. Some people can never afford nice furniture. It is okay not to have the best.

    I like the air mattress idea too.

    You shouldnt have to buy furniture for out of school grown adults. Not now. Not ever. Jmo.

    Take care.
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2019
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Why are you researching this? You didn't stain the mattresses or take off the protector. This should be on your son to fix.

    You are still very caught up in your son's addiction. Refresh my memory . . . didn't you say that you are seeing a therapist? If so, I am sure that your therapist would tell you to let your son suffer the consequences of his addiction.

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  8. It is hard to let go but I am doing my best. Had blocked his phone for 4 weeks and just recently unblocked it due to issues he was having after getting hit by the car in January. The insurance company of the young man who hit him was saying that my son will be liable for part of the medical bills, etc. He really didn't need that just getting into treatment again.
    I have not made any contact with my son other than telling him how much the new mattress and loveseat will cost. I was able to get the code numbers of what I had purchased originally but that is all I sent him.
    He has not made contact with me either.
    It is really hard not knowing what is going on. Not knowing if he is doing an IOP or anything that will keep him accountable. I keep telling myself that this is his path to walk.
    As far as seeing my therapist, I was and now I just go to parents meetings.
    I was talking to the family counselor where my son was getting treatment. She helped me a lot as well. However, she felt I should tell my son about the family dog that we had to put to sleep back in February. She felt it was best to tell him while he was in treatment during the day. I could not bring myself to tell him. He hadn't asked about the dog since probably the beginning of January so I felt it was weird calling him and telling him the dog had got very sick, etc. He was only sober 10 days and I just couldn't tell him. I know at some time I will need to but I felt it weird to just call and tell him that when he hasn't even showed the slightest interest in anything but himself.
    I guess I made the wrong decision there but I was scared.