"Gee, I wish I had gotten a job a lot sooner"

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Mar 11, 2012.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yup, those were difficult child's exact words today.


    We spent most of the weekend together shopping. We found some great bargains at Ross and Penny's. This is definitely the time to buy boots. We were able to get her five dresses, two tops, and two pairs of shoes for under the amount that I had planned to spend.

    She was very nice and grateful for what I bought her. We talked a lot about her job. She will basically be in charge of the salon as the owners are not there on a regular basis. She will be opening and closing the salon and running the front desk. It will be full-time starting next week.

    difficult child is so proud of herself. She has stopped talking about moving back in here and mentioned looking for a place to live. She even mentioned that she and her boyfriend have discussed getting an apartment together after he finds another job. He was recently laid off. I'll believe that one when I see it. They can't go two weeks without breaking up and then getting back together

    I was pleased to hear that the salon is mostly older stylists with families so there is not any socializing after work. There is one stylist her age that difficult child likes but difficult child is mindful that the owner told her that she needed to keep a friendly distance. difficult child also cannot smoke at all while she is at salon. That will be a challenge for her. She even talked about getting a patch.

    She has to eat her lunch at the front desk since it can't be left unattended. We bought her a cute lunch sack today and she bought things to take for lunch. It will be better for her budget if she can't go out for lunch each day. We talked about her paycheck and she said that she was thinking of giving us half each time so we can save it for her. I'm not sure how I feel about that. She doesn't handle money well but we want her to learn to be independent and this would be tying her to us again.

    We did talk about a plan for her to gradually take on her own expenses. Her first paycheck will be small since it will be for only one week and she only worked part-time this week. I told her that she needs to let us know how much it is and we can plan on what she will pay for next week. I know that I want her to start buying her own cigarettes starting with her first paycheck. I hate buying those things for her! After that, she can take over gas and groceries and finally rent when the halfway house program ends in a month and a half.

    So, all in all, it sounds like things are going well. I pray it stays that way.

    Last edited: Mar 11, 2012
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is like... FIVE? steps forward? Wow.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Wow, that sounds so promising! It sounds like you enjoyed the day talking with her, too. I hope this works out for both of you.
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest


    Maybe she can open a checking and a savings account & have an auto transfer into savings each month? You can be an authorized user -so she knows there is another pair of eyes keeping her honest-sounds line she needs a bit of a crutch to make her save.

    Xing my fingers that the board juju continues!!!
  5. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child said she already asked and they do not do direct deposit. She has a bank account but didn't handle checks very well. She had so many bounced checks that she finally realized that a checking account was not a great idea for her.

    I don't know if I want that much to do with her budgeting. I am really torn on this. However, she has mentioned us helping her with handling her money before but reneged when the time actually came so I think that we will just wait and see what happens after she gets her paycheck.
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    That sounds great Kathy. I know when my difficult child was doing better and looking forward and thinking about a job he talked about how it was recommended that you have someone else (like parents) hold and save your money for you. I bet it is partly to lower the temptation....and drug users of course by the nature of things are not good with money.

    So I think putting her money into savings for her is a good idea... make t harder for her to get and at least have to think twice before taking money out. I think what would make it hard would be not putting yourself in the position of saying yes or no to withdrawels... I think those still need to be clearly her decisions but you would be one more step to give her a chance to think if it was a good idea.

  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This sounds wonderful, all of it. The personnel sounds good, a big relief that they are older stylists. This is good for her self esteem and so good for you!!!!!

    I'm thrilled for both of you.

    I took my difficult child to target yesterday after taking husband to the airport and then we went to the grocery store. I enjoyed spending the time with her. Got to see her apartment all fixed up and we put some curtains up at the window. I got to see another family moving into one of the other apartments and they seemed very nice so I felt better. I wish we could have those good times all the time with our difficult child's.

  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    sounds so great, isn't it amazing what a little self esteem can do for a person? I dont know how other banks do this but at Wells Fargo for example, you can set up bill pay online so I know my budget is the same monthly.... I dont include that money in my budget at all. They also have a program to put whatever amount you want in a separate account. (I suppose similar to how people have Christmas of vacation accounts)...my mom has her savings in a separate bank so it can't be transferred....she uses a credit union for savings.

    Computer programs for checking are so easy to use...especially because once you enter a name that happens over and over you basically set it up so it can show up or typing a letter or two it will pop in easily. Just click to check on things and it balances itself. It is kind of fun so she might get into it.

    I almost never use checks, really only for school things for Q at the beginning of the year, like school clothes, field trips, etc. but at schools I use my bank card. Wells Fargo (I do not like them for many reasons but I have a preferred account thru my old job and all cert. checks are free, my checks are printed free etc. so I stay with them) gives you the option to not allow any transactions to go through if you would become overdrawn ....(but automatic bills that you have set up like cable or such will generally go thru if you dont frequently mess up, but you then have to pay a fee, in order to prevent shut offs etc. they will let bills go through)....so if at the store and you go over your balance you can choose not to allow it to go through and avoid a bunch of charges. Maybe that kind of thing could help her manage better????

    Anyway, the important thing....she sounds like she is so proud of herself and happy. That is wonderful news....I am glad for you.

    You too, Nancy.
  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Wahoo! How fun it must have been to go shopping for cute work clothes! This all sound great. difficult child has an account where she has no checks and can only purchase with a card-it won't let her buy if she doesn't have the money. It is a student account so I don't know if you difficult child could get this?
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Wow! What a great update!

    Hope things continue to go smoothly....
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Great update Kathy. I'm so glad it is going so well. :) DDD
  12. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest


    That is amazing progress. Am very happy for you both!
  13. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm so happy to hear the wonderful update, I can only imagine how happy you are.
  14. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    It is so good to hear of one of our difficult children doing so well. Glad there is no socializing that can be a double edged sword. It's best to let work be work and play be outside of work.
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy there are checking accounts that wont let you get in the red with debit cards. I dont have any checks and I have a checking account...I just use my debit card. Its both an ATM and Debit card...visa debit card. Billy also has this program that sends him alerts to his phone that tells him when he is getting low and how much money is he spending on each type of expense..like rent, gas, food, entertainment, clothes, etc. That helps him immensely in budgeting. I will find out the name of the program.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sorry I didn't reply earlier but want you to know that I'm keeping my fingers crossed. No long response since I'm still a bug victim (my ribs heart from coughing, ugh). But, lol, I know one of my customers has an app that is for financial planning/budgeting. He enters every cent he spends so he can "see" how he controls his bucks. DDD
  17. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    I'm glad your daughter is looking forward to her new job. This does sound like a good place, I also like the fact the stylists are older.

    As far as saving money for her, I can see how that could possibly bring lots of grief to you.
    If she says she will give you $ every week and then doesn't follow through, those times she doesn't will make you crazy because you will be worrying about what she is spending money on.

    good luck however you decide to go.

  18. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lia, that is exactly what I am afraid of!!

    Janet, that would be great. Thanks!