Geez how come I always....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by happymomof2, Jan 11, 2008.

  1. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    get myself in these situations????

    A friend of my sons and his brother came by. Well the older kid is 17 his brother is 15. I don't know there parents at all. Supposedly the parents are alcoholics and they beat up on the kids. The 17 year old is stating he is on his own now. Anyway they have no where to stay for the night. I am letting them crash here. It's Friday night.

    They said they have some place to go tomorrow. I ask them how long they would be allowed to stay there and they said as long as they want. It's around the neighborhood somewhere.

    I am not completely comfortable with them staying here but how do you turn kids out on the street that have no where to go???

    We did tell them it's only for tonight and also they can't come hang out with our son because he is in trouble right now.

    Hope I am not doing the wrong thing.
  2. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    I wish I had better advice. I hear what you are feeling, I guess my question would be do you ever have/ have you ever had contact with the parents of the kids? Do you know for a fact that abuse is taking place or are the kids just looking to get away from home for other reasons? I would do the same thing you have done as at least they have a safe place to stay for the night. As uncomfortable as it may be - I would try VERY hard to contact the parents after they leave tomorrow. You don't want to contribute to a bad situation.

    I understand you probably have no reason to doubt what they say, but try to check it out for yourself if nothing else just to insure the fact that you were on the right track. If what they say was accurate than they need help to put them in the right direction. A call to child protective services may help or make things worse - kind of hit or miss.

    If you have a genuine interest in these kids you will want the best for them. The only way to make sure is to investigate further.

    i back you 100 percent, just make sure you are not the vehicle that is putting them on a bad path. If things aren't what they seem, wouldn't you want to know where your kids are or what they are saying if the situation is not what it seems to be? Tough spot to be in!!! Hard to know what the "right" thing to do is. I would definitely investigate further if for no other reason than your own sanity. Good luck and please keep us posted!! A big heart is not a bad thing - ignorance is. keep strong!!!
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Is there a local kid support help line you could call for advice? In Australia we have a mob called Lifeline, I've called them a few times when I needed to pick somebody's brain. They also would have contact details for any homeless shelters or support networks the kids could benefit from. I know if I were in your shoes, I would feel much happier knowing the kids were next going to a registered shelter that supports child victims of domestic abuse, instead of just crashing somewhere on the streets.

    It would perhaps be an alternative to contacting CPS, who might only force the kids to go home.

  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Since we adopted the eleven year old who sexually abused the younger kids, I have an ironclad rule that nobody older than my kids ever stay here. That's just my own opinion. Maybe social services can help them?
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, I chimming in late on this one because obviously the boys have already spent the night. It's a toughie, but I would probably have done the same thing.

    I think, were I in your position, if the boys have not already left (or you could get the information from your son), I would find out where/who they are staying with. It seems odd that someone is taking them in but couldn't do it last night. I would contact this family or person and find out what is going on. If the boys parents are in fact alcoholics who have abused the children, why did this other family not contact cps? I don't think these brothers should be wandering from place to place.

    Either the story is hokie (and they should be staying away from your son) or they need some help. I would do my best to find out which it is. Another option, if they attend your son's school, would be to contact the school. Someone needs to to intervene regardless of which situation it turns out to be. They should not be on their own.

  6. ML

    ML Guest

    Everyone has given great suggestions. FWIW I would have done the same thing. I often lead with my heart and it can get me in trouble sometimes.
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I would have let them stay, but I would have called the parents to let them know where they are. You don't know what's really going on. We have had too many difficult child's on this board who tell 'sob' stories to others, while the parents have called the police and reported the child missing or as a runaway.

    If you think there is some truth to their story, I'd be calling CPS and/or the school.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    My rules for "kids" spending the night -

    I am oldfashioned - but if you want to stay at THIS fun house - you had better let me talk to your Mom first. Over 18 and able to be on their own ??? Different story - 17 is still a child in most states legally.

    As far as reporting the parents? Well with only the kids word - I don't know if I'd put any parent through that, and at 17 he's NOT going to go to a group home or orphanage - maybe foster care for a year. But I wouldn't go to their house either and start playing detective. Offer the boy the numbers for safehouses,Alanon, and places he can stay and get help. Then tell him you have to call his parents to let them know he's safe. If he tells you they won't care anyway - fine. But you've done your part to make sure another mom isnt' sitting awake worrying (if she is)
  9. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Thanks for all the replies. I let them stay Friday night. I also told them that they could not come hang around my son. They said they had somewhere to stay and I thought that was the end of it. Well this afternoon they came by and my son gave them both a bagel and a soda because they were hungry.
    My son just came out of his room and said someone was tapping on his window. Well it was them. I don't know there parents or where they live. It suppose to be 34 degrees tonight and they are hungry and cold.
    I went out the door and called to them but they took off. My hubby and son went out to look for them. Hubby said to let them stay a couple of nights. If they come back with him I am going to ask for a phone number.
    My daughter is 12. The other night when I let them stay she was spending the night at a friends. Hubby said they wouldn't hurt her. Well I am not comfortable with that. He then said he would sleep on the couch and she can sleep with me.
    As a mother and caring person I can not turn 2 kids away in the night when it's cold and they are hungry.
    God help me.....
  10. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Have decided to call the youth crisis center and see what they advise me to do. I can at least make a phone call and get headed in the right direction.

    If my son ever were to find himself in this situation I would hope that some caring mom or dad would help. I am also praying that some mean perverted person doesn't find them and take them in telling them they will take care of them.

    My heart is breaking. By turning these boys away what am I showing my kids?