We celebrated a first in our family yesterday--Gene Pool Amnesty Day. My dad has been causing us headaches to such a degree that my brother and I decided to check up on my paternal unit's long time suspicions that we were actually fathered by someone else. So I called up my mom (who has been divorced from my dad for 35 years). Me: "Mom, I have something to ask you." Mom: "What is it?" Me: "For years Dad's been tossing out suggestions that when it comes to me and Sib#3, there might be some question of paternity. For some reason Sib #2 was never in doubt." Mom: "Well, there are some physical features in #2 that your father couldn't deny." Me: "I really don't know how to put this any more delicately, but is there any possible chance that he's right? Because if there is, #2 and I will run right out and have a paternity test done." Mom (laughs--I take this as a bad sign because she never laughs when she fibs): "Noooo, I'm sorry but I'm afraid you're stuck there." Me: "Are you absolutely certain? Can't you offer us even a little hope? If you have anything to confess this is your chance--no judgment, no incrimination. We'd be so happy not to be drawing from this gene pool that we'd thank you." Mom: "I'm sorry." Me: "Are you absolutely sure? Even a tiny little affair or one-night stand would look really promising right now." Mom: "No, I'm afraid he's your father." Me: "If by the end of the day, you think of anything you need to confess, feel free to call..." Drat.