Autism is obviously a fairly dominant gene in husband's family. I've not met a male on that side who doesn't at least have strong traits of the disorder, an awful lot actually are on the spectrum somewhere, including grandchildren. Over the years I've learned to accept this a due course, I suppose, as it no longer bothers me. It's just something that *is*, like the red hair and fair complexion that keeps popping up. Alex showed strong signs from infancy. Along with other signs of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) that I recognized early on from Travis's babyhood, as well as knowing what normal infant development should be. Darrin has such strong traits that I wondered about him for quite a while, but I don't believe he's on the spectrum. He does well at socializing and picks up social cues easily. Brandon also has some traits, although you have to know what to look for to see them. He also does well with social cues ect and his is also just the traits. Connor......is another matter all together. I don't need a degree to know Connor is on the spectrum, just that it will be a while before we know how well he functions. He's like having Travis again as a baby. (oddly enough I'm enjoying it) I suspect he may also be Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but with today's interventions it's very possible he may wind up higher functioning than that. I also suspect there is some Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) issues going on. This upsets easy child and I hesitate to bring this stuff up to her, but as time has passed I do occasionally feel the need to say something. I understand it being upsetting from the Mom point of view, been there done that myself. She's always known there was the strong chance one of her boys could be on the spectrum, just as Nichole does. Still it can be hard to accept. I get that part too. The Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) issues seem to be the hardest thing for her to discuss or accept the possibility of. Her pregnancy with Connor was difficult at best. She had major heart issues going on that were complicated with severe migraines, and was medicated for both.......which is not really a good thing for a developing baby. There just wasn't much choice. I dunno, maybe I should call them neurological issues, not Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), but I've suspected a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) for a very long time, back in his early infancy. Connor's birth is the only grandchild's birth I didn't attend. (I was watching Brandon and Darrin) easy child and sister in law had never mentioned any issues with his birth and I'd always assumed it was normal without complications. Until I started seeing issues with Connor, similar to ones I dealt with with Travis and Alex. (and even bff's son who has CP) Many of these things are fairly subtle unless you know what to watch for and are easily missed. The biggest red flag for Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) was Connor's crossed eyes. (due to memory issues I no longer know where the info came from that this is a red flag, I just know that it is, especially in infants) Well, it took some time and patience to get easy child to realize his eyes really were crossed. But he's also been lagging way behind in all large and fine motor skill development as well as verbal. He does/did the typical rigid back arch deal where it nearly makes you drop them, he head butts exactly like Travis although so far not as severe as Travis did (thank god), for months he used a sweeping arm/hand motion in an attempt to pick things up......I still see this motion although he can now pick things up with his fingers. When he feels something, omg does he "feel" it! Extremes there even though thankfully much of the time it doesn't last too long. Lots of sensory issues going on. (which can be a combo Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and spectrum related) Now don't get me wrong, he's a smart lil bugger. IF there is a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) issue, I don't believe it's affected his intellect as it did Alex. I had to press the point with the eyes because ignoring it affects a child's vision. easy child came around in fairly short order, it's just hard when you're with them all the time because you get used to such things. So, due to knowing that crossed eyes in infancy is a major red flag for Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), I asked her about Connor's birth. Seems it wasn't as "normal" as I assumed, but since everything came out ok easy child didn't think much of it. During labor they had some concerning issues with his heart rate dropping too low, which reduces the amount of O2 delivered to the brain. Upon delivery his heart rate stabilized and all was well. What most people don't realize is that depending on the amount of time heart rate drops during labor, how low it goes, ect....can cause a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and is considered traumatic birth, even though everything turned out ok. The amount of O2 deprivation will determine the amount of damage done to the brain. So when easy child told me about her labor with Connor my stomach sank. I don't believe I'm off the mark with the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), but I hope that I am. It's so hard to discuss with easy child, even with her being a nurse, as she tends to seem to take it as an affront to her parenting skills, which of course it isn't. She did take him to the MD pediatric eye doctor, confirmed the crossed eyes and will be returning in 6 wks to schedule his surgery for correction. So, at least he'll not have vision loss due to the crossed eyes. I'm still worried about the neuro issues I see. At the moment he's on track developmentally except maybe lagging a bit in language, although every once in a while he'll pop out with something like elephant clear as day. So I can like point to something and say see easy child, that indicates a neuro problem......except with the who rigid arching of the back thing. When I point out that he was way behind on all his developmental tasks, she says well Brandon was too. Yes, on some he was, but not like Connor, who just learned to walk. Brandon never did anything that set off Nana's neuro radar either. Except his speech, but that is because big bro likes to talk for him mostly. And.........I want to be just paranoid here. But I'm going to put it out there. Travis has the polycythemia, a rare blood disorder that causes him to produce too many blood cells, which causes clotting and strokes. Over his lifetime Travis has had TIAs which affected his vision/ neuro function....and then a large stroke at 18 which cause right sided facial droop. We can't know for absolute certain, but it's believed his had the condition since early toddlerhood at the very least, since every phlebotomist who's ever drawn blood from him has commented on his extremely thick blood. This is a genetic disorder. Travis HAS the gene. My girls carry the gene and are supposed to have their kids tested for the gene, especially the boys. For Travis to be diagnosed with polycythemia at 19 made him an extremely rare case, that it is fairly certain he's had the condition most of his life, makes it even more rare. As far as I know no one has ever heard of it showing up that early. Connor is (I know if easy child reads this she's gonna flip) an exact copy of Travis as a baby. When I say it's like having him all over again, I'm not exaggerating. I love him to pieces and I enjoy him and he's smart as a whip. But none of that changes the fact that when I look at him.....I worry because I think something major other than the crossed eyes has been missed and he's already over a year old. If he has neuro issues I want him in early intervention asap in hopes he does far better than his uncle. I want him tested for that gene so if more odd neuro issues pop up in the future docs won't poo poo it and take it seriously. Alex was similar to Travis. Bff's son was very similar to Travis. Conner is a carbon copy, right down to personality. I'm a person that subconsciously "reads" body language. It's a skill that was fine tuned during an abusive childhood as a survival thing. Because of this, I tend to really watch people's movements, posture, ect........and I pick up quickly when something is "off", even if I can't put my finger on exactly why it is off. It's taken me a long time to figure out how I can look at a person and just know something is wrong, but that is how. It's like how I learned to read lips, I never consciously learned, I just always focused on a person's mouth when they talked....and I do a pretty fine job of reading lips. So.........any ideas on how to discuss this with easy child without triggering Mom guilt (which I understand been there done that, but there is no reason for her to feel guilty) and making her defensive? I'd feel better if Connor was checked over well and had a MRI via Travis' old neuro who specializes in autism but does other neuro conditions too since they're commonly seen together. The quicker a diagnosis (if there is one, especially for the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)/neuro stuff) the quicker early intervention can become involved and start working with him and the higher chance of success for his future. Which is the only reason I'm sort of pushing the issue, as gently as I can, but I'm still "pushing" it somewhat. easy child is an awesome mom, sister in law is an awesome dad. This has nothing to do with that. I picked up on it due to my quirk with body language.......and the fact that I happen to have a LOT of experience dealing with these issues. Top it off, I'm not there 24/7 so things throw up red flags for me that seem normal to them just because they see it so much. With Travis I picked up on his issues quickly, but that doesn't mean I didn't doubt myself a lot.....especially when docs kept giving me the run around for so many years. I'd have loved for a more experienced person just ONCE to have said, yes I see what you see there IS a problem. Travis was 13 before that happened. Connor is his Nana's special lil man. Frankly, I adore the lil guy something fierce. I try hard not to have favorites, I love each of my kids as individuals and the same with the grands because they're all different. But Connor......I dunno, he's just special. I don't know how else to put it. I'm not sure if this is worrying out loud, a vent, or just sounding off. I just needed to get it out there.