amazeofgrace
A maze of Grace - that about sums it up
I wish there were a pill for these feelings. I know dropping difficult child's off at the outlaws is what set me off again. But if that set me off, how will I feel once S2BX is out of rehab?
I keep going back in time, wondering if I could have changed anything, been more supportive of him. I was so young and stressed with life, maybe I caused him to be what he now is. I know, I know. It's denialitis.
I just cringe at the thought of him happy with someone else. But if I love him I should want that for him. But that leaves me alone and being abused by difficult child's, which makes it seem like I am the one being punished, so it must be me who's guilty of something? but what>?
And my Mom is relentless, there's no space to feel blue in this house! "what's wrong?" "why are you getting down?" "did you hear from him or something?" between that and difficult child I's abuse pointing out how much the outlaws hate me, I am a wreck!
Ugh I just want to go to bed for a year or two
I keep going back in time, wondering if I could have changed anything, been more supportive of him. I was so young and stressed with life, maybe I caused him to be what he now is. I know, I know. It's denialitis.
I just cringe at the thought of him happy with someone else. But if I love him I should want that for him. But that leaves me alone and being abused by difficult child's, which makes it seem like I am the one being punished, so it must be me who's guilty of something? but what>?
And my Mom is relentless, there's no space to feel blue in this house! "what's wrong?" "why are you getting down?" "did you hear from him or something?" between that and difficult child I's abuse pointing out how much the outlaws hate me, I am a wreck!
Ugh I just want to go to bed for a year or two