toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Hi Everyone,
Well we did give in some and get him sweat pants and a radio... I am just too tired of it all to take a strong stand on this because it doesnt feel like it matters much. If it helps him manage jail then good.....I am sticking to my guns on not contacting the girlfriend and we actually had a good conversation about why the other night and I think he might have gotten my reasoning as I did not make it about judging her at all....
But he did want me to post a status on his FB page so friends could write him, so he obviously had to give me his password to do that. So I looked around.... and honestly he lies... not just to us but to his friends. I am sort of sickened by it....there was nothing really horrible on there, but he is asking friends for money and those are people in our town and it is just so darned embarrassing... because some of those kids who didnt answer probably mentioned it to their parents and I am just embarrassed. Not going to do anything about it except that if I run into people and they ask me how he is doing I am not putting on a good naive face about how he is doing well.... I will either tell them as it is or say he is struggling and leave it at that. And I know perfectly well this says a lot about him and not much about me but still....no thought on his part about how this might affect us!!!
I have come to the conclusioin that he very likely has a personality disorder of some sort, not sure which one.... some have thought borderline.... I have to also wonder about narcissitic or antisocial.... doesnt really matter. Whatever it is it doesnt seem to me he has any moral compass.... and why that would be I dont know. I always believed moral values ( and I am not talking the kind talked about by the tea party but those old fashioned morals about telling the truth and treating people as you would like to be treated kind) came from the family.. However myself, husband and our daughter all have a good solid moral compass... and I have no idea why he does not. Again it seems it has to be wiring of some sort.
It feels kind of discouraging in a way.....I hope that he stops his substance abuse, and that his frontal lobe develops enough so he thinks before he acts, and that some day he may get a real job and support himself..... but will he ever have a moral compass? That seems much harder to me.
Anyway the reality of this is helping me feel some distance from him. This really is who he is and his own doing and I cant do anything about it. I just have to keep finding ways to enjoy my own life and I am doing that...... right now playing bridge, reading a good book and eating healthier are all things that are helping me do that. LOL knitting does too which is a new hobby of mine but seems to be causing me neck pain so I am having to stop that for a while.
TL
Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
Well we did give in some and get him sweat pants and a radio... I am just too tired of it all to take a strong stand on this because it doesnt feel like it matters much. If it helps him manage jail then good.....I am sticking to my guns on not contacting the girlfriend and we actually had a good conversation about why the other night and I think he might have gotten my reasoning as I did not make it about judging her at all....
But he did want me to post a status on his FB page so friends could write him, so he obviously had to give me his password to do that. So I looked around.... and honestly he lies... not just to us but to his friends. I am sort of sickened by it....there was nothing really horrible on there, but he is asking friends for money and those are people in our town and it is just so darned embarrassing... because some of those kids who didnt answer probably mentioned it to their parents and I am just embarrassed. Not going to do anything about it except that if I run into people and they ask me how he is doing I am not putting on a good naive face about how he is doing well.... I will either tell them as it is or say he is struggling and leave it at that. And I know perfectly well this says a lot about him and not much about me but still....no thought on his part about how this might affect us!!!
I have come to the conclusioin that he very likely has a personality disorder of some sort, not sure which one.... some have thought borderline.... I have to also wonder about narcissitic or antisocial.... doesnt really matter. Whatever it is it doesnt seem to me he has any moral compass.... and why that would be I dont know. I always believed moral values ( and I am not talking the kind talked about by the tea party but those old fashioned morals about telling the truth and treating people as you would like to be treated kind) came from the family.. However myself, husband and our daughter all have a good solid moral compass... and I have no idea why he does not. Again it seems it has to be wiring of some sort.
It feels kind of discouraging in a way.....I hope that he stops his substance abuse, and that his frontal lobe develops enough so he thinks before he acts, and that some day he may get a real job and support himself..... but will he ever have a moral compass? That seems much harder to me.
Anyway the reality of this is helping me feel some distance from him. This really is who he is and his own doing and I cant do anything about it. I just have to keep finding ways to enjoy my own life and I am doing that...... right now playing bridge, reading a good book and eating healthier are all things that are helping me do that. LOL knitting does too which is a new hobby of mine but seems to be causing me neck pain so I am having to stop that for a while.
TL
Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app