Grief: Processing Feelings Over Loved Ones Choices/Health/Situation


I survived the last several days - dropped my grandson off at rehab yesterday.

There were some very upsetting moments - he was detoxing and often has "psychotic" episodes, where he just jumps up and says he has to leave - prior to that he is sane, logical, putting together a plan to go to rehab - then all of a sudden a switch is flipped - he gets angry - jumps up and says he's leaving. He did that a couple of times. I took his keys, but then gave them back (actually put them in what I thought was my pocket, but was just in my pants, so then I had to dig around in my pants to get them - and he was laughing at this - it was pretty ridiculous).

I then just went in my bedroom and eventually went to bed and he fell asleep in the living room (had not slept at all the night before).

He shared some heartbreaking info with me that I am trying to process (and his relative did too, and it is just so awful). I am trying to focus on positive stuff, but I have to process my feelings about the sad/upsetting stuff I heard - I am not sure what to do with it. The hardest thing is knowing someone you love is actively trying to destroy their health and that the person has self-loathing and self-hatred. It's horrible and I will never get over it.


he "needs" to do a lot of things, but unfortunately, I have no control over what he does or doesn't do.

I agree that I am adversely affected.

he is seriously ill. I pray for the miracle of his complete healing.


Take care of yourself seek. Your grandson is important to you; that is undeniable. I would encourage you to do things that take you out of your routine and be with other people, to take the focus off things that are upsetting that you cannot control. You really deserve to be taken care of and have a life of happiness, despite your grandson's problems.

A therapist might help you get it all your concerns out of your system, they will listen to you and later address behaviours that are not helping, deal with any rumination of problems going round and round your head ( which only harms you and doesn't help him). You could try to find one that suits you. It may take several goes, but don't give up !

If you nuture yourself and are stronger then that will also help your relationship with your grandson. If he sees you looking after yourself then that is a good role model for him too.

pigless in VA

Well-Known Member
I wish there were a way for the self-destructive people to see or understand their own value in the world. The drugs and/or the mental illness blinds them to their own self-worth.