Guardianship issues, from the parents PLEASE HELP No TL:DR

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by Dlive, Nov 22, 2017.

  1. Dlive

    Dlive New Member

    This is very long and is an extremely serious situation, so any help that can be provided will be met with open arms.

    To tell our tale as short as I can, lemme begin: me and my wife had our first child of who was born a premie; I was working 6 out of 7 days a week from early morning to early evening. Since our daughter was having to be taken care of in the hospital due to the premature birth and being 2.5 hours away from our home, going back and forth to the hospital was crippling. We decided the best option was to visit 2-3 times per week to see our daughter and check up on her, but due to the lack of constant visitation, DHS became involved due to the nurses thinking we had no interest in our child.
    After a period of time, we got to take our daughter home for the first time, and for 1.5 months we had a blast until we noticed she was nearly constantly vomiting out her milk and was 1 point over temperature. We waited for 48 hours and noticed the temperature went up a little more and she refused to respond to feedings; paranoid and alert, me and my wife took her to the pediatrician where they stated that whatever she had we caught so early they couldn't diagnose it and sent her off to another hospital 2.5 hours away. They spent several days running tests and after a very long period of time they discovered that due to her condition, she had reflux and aspirated some milk, causing pneumonia.
    They were shocked that we had caught it so early, and started to set up a plan for treatment of the reflux and the disease. For the first 48 hours they refused us to change diapers or feed her, and the ensuing travel and work times caused it to be nearly impossible to frequently visit. It caused so much stress on my job that I was quickly laid off, causing us to decide to be at the hospital 24/7 and job hunt online whilst being with our child. The nurses started a stir, like the ones before and brought in DHS due to our "not taking care of her" the first 2 days, and apparently us ignoring her over video games - of which in reality we were constantly job hunting and it in no way affected how we treated our daughter. They refused to have us sign papers and never asked permission for anything that they did with our child, and never gave us updates or information if something came up.
    After DHS had been hounding us for some time and actively setting up a case due to "negligence," it was decided that my in-laws would visit as substitutes for us so we could find work. The doctors continued to ignore me and my wife and only gave my in-laws information or papers to sign, which were handed to us anyways because our custody. After an extremely long grueling fight, with DHS picking the side of the hospital no matter what and only stacking up false allegations - including where our "negligence" had caused her pneumonia (even though it was due to the medical condition) and we hadn't bonded with her - it was decided my in-laws would become guardians of our child.
    Its been a year since the decision and the court won't hear our pleas until we are financially stable; my in-laws treat us like we're teenagers (we're in our mid twenties) and refuse to let us take care of our child and actively ignore any parental actions we take in their absence. They have been causing our daughter to lose sleep (she's at the waking up at night stage) by causing her to get poor sleep-onset association because they will pull her out of the crib during the crying process and will bring her into the living room with T.V. and bright lights at 3 a.m., keeping her from getting decent sleep, leading to separation anxiety. They won't listen to us, and any action we take to try to get her to learn to sleep in the crib is foiled by them forcefully taking over and removing her. She can't sleep easily anymore, and cries nearly constantly even during the day and is starting to not eat solid food much anymore (she's nearly 2 and we're starting to weane her due to doctor's request.)
    Me and my wife are deeply depressed over the entire situation and are at a complete loss because we aren't allowed to act like parents only to watch by the sideline as the courts say we can't have her home and cannot contest the custody until we have a 5 figure income. We're at our wit's end and we're fighting every step of the way, but we can't get even one step forward when her parents are pushing us 2 steps back. What do we do...?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You are obviously not in the U.S. where most of us live. That makes it harder to know what to do. CPS is a pain here, but as a once foster parent I have dealt with them and not being able to visit a child every day at a hospital or not making a certain amount of money would not result in losing custody of your child.Contact a lawyer maybe? See what a lawyer thinks?
    For what it is worth, as someone who lives in the U.S. where preserving the family comes first, I think it is ridiculous thay you cant at least have the goal of moving forward toward your parenting your daughter. Doesnt make sense to me to totslly cut you off. I am very sad for you and sorry. Where do you live? Why would they not allow you to parent your daughter based on income? Do they routinely remove children from poor families??? That is discrimmination here...

    Good luck. Do share more. Maybe someone will have an idea. My heart hurts for you.
  3. Dlive

    Dlive New Member

    Believe it or not I'm in Oklahoma; this state is just horrible, I've seen and heard personally horror stories of families living in terrible houses with no electricity and constant abuse but we lose our daughter because of a pre-existing medical condition. Glorious.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member


    Have you contacted a lawyer???????

    I cant believe this is the U.S. But our system is in shreds too.

    i heard of a mother who threw her poor baby into a wall and broke every bone in his body. The poor little thing recovered in a body cast in the home of very loving foster parents who begged to adopt him. What did CPS do? They returned him to the same mother who l'd badly hurt him, saying she was rehabilitated. Really??? A few months later this rehabilitated mother said she didnt want him anymore and returned him to the state. So did they give him to the family who loved him and wanted to adopt him? No! That made too much sense! Instead he went to different fostervparents and started acting out. A year later this family was sick of him and returned him, like a Walmart discard, so he finally was able to go back to the loving foster parents who had nursed him back to health. By then he was a severe behavior problem, although they still adopted him. He is a mess last I heard.

    I dont get CPS and their ways of doing things at all. They scare me. I no longer do foster care. They are part of the reason.

    I hope a lawyer can help you. This is insane!! Let us know what a lawyer says. This is kidnapping! Your in laws are jerks...hope that doesnt offend you.

    Big hugs. I am so sorry.
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2017
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Diive, welcome. I'm so sorry you are going thru this with your in-laws and DHS. What a nightmare for you. You appear to be powerless within the system.

    I have no real advice to give you since I am not aware of what the Guardianship laws are in Oklahoma. Here in Northern CA. I applied for and received temporary and then permanent Guardianship for my (then) 11 year old granddaughter because her mother, my daughter, could not care for her. My understanding of the laws here in CA. is that CPS will do everything to try to unite the parents with the child, so your case is completely out of step with what I know about CPS.

    At this point, from your post, it appears your biggest challenge may be your in-laws keeping all of this going. I'm so sorry. The only thing I can think to offer you is to find an attorney, which I know is expensive.....perhaps look into Legal Aid which is low or no cost legal support. I would give them a call and find out what your legal options are. Here's a link:

    Welcome to Legal Aid Services of Oklahoma's guide to free legal help in Oklahoma.

    You need representation within the system, an advocate. At this point, it sounds as if you will require an attorney to get you thru the bureaucracy of all of it.

    How awful for you and your wife. I'm so sorry.
  6. Dlive

    Dlive New Member

    I appreciate it, I'll most certainly look at it.
  7. Dlive

    Dlive New Member

    Due to our financial situation a lawyer isn't applicable at the moment, but this upcoming summer my wife and I have a plan for income, wherein we'll be looking for legal advice. It's just the in-between and the emotional rollercoaster that's killing us.
  8. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    You definitely need a lawyer. I don't know Oklahoma, but have you tried legal aid? You might try to call the Oklahoma Bar association and see if there are any attorneys doing pro-bono work in Family Law. There are organizations like the Samaritan Center that also have lawyers come in occasionally to give advice.
  9. Dlive

    Dlive New Member

    In that case I'll definitely give it a try; i just still don't expect anything until I can find stable work though. There's just nothing around here regarding work.
  10. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I've never heard of a child being removed because the parents are poor, except when the child isn't being fed or receiving medical care. The only other time is when the home doesn't have plumbing, or if the home is so unclean that it is a health safety issue.

    If there are no jobs and you are two hours away from a hospital, it sounds like you live in a very rural area. It's scary for some people to move to a big city, but the big cities usually have more jobs. Rent is higher in a big city, but you can live 30 minutes outside of the city which is cheaper.
  11. Dlive

    Dlive New Member

    What's bad is that I was receiving a $20,000+ a year income until this issue arose, wherein I was terminated for "focusing too much on [my] family." We have a good trailer home that we're paying off, but the issue is that we've looked in all of the local cities and outside of minimum wage gigs, there's nothing without needing a degree or license. If my wife can start an internship for auditing whilst going to school and working somewhere for it, then i can get a low-wage job and we can get somewhere. I'll look for a pro-bono lawyer for this instance by that point. Which by the way we're sure the hospital started this because we're young; I'm 22 and she's 24 and they didn't ever talk to us for official stuff probably 'cause of preconceived notions that we're too young and naive to be parents.
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    22 and 24 are not seen as too young to have kids. Teenagers in high school have kids that are not taken away. This is very puzzling. It makes no sense. Poor people on public assistance are not forced to relinquish parental rights. Did more happen in this story? Did in laws call cps? Do either of you have police records?
    Even if so, the goal is normally to keep kid with parents. I dont get it.
  13. Dlive

    Dlive New Member

    At one point we relied on Food Stamps and other such assistance benefits, but we could easily still provide for her, and my in-laws never called CPS but never fought against them. We've never even gotten a ticket much less any form of a police record and throughout the entire ordeal it just felt as if the hospital and DHS were simply out to get us. One of the workers that had been there almost the entire case had sometimes bailed on appointments, DHS refused to have us do an appointment with our daughter no matter what, and at the final interview we had (that decided my in-laws were going to get custody,) she decided to suddenly claim to her superiors a lot of lies how we were neglecting our child or ignoring her and how we refused to have her with us during appointments. We could never prove this outside of another worker stating how she felt that was inaccurate, but straight from the start we were hounded on and it was a guaranteed loss for us. We're trying to start our lives but this is a horrible way to teach us to mis-trust our local/state governments.

    Heck, you'll love this; during the ordeal we had found a job out of state that guaranteed $1,600 a month based on commission, but after 2 months we were forced to quit because "if [we] didn't work back in the state we would forfeit our custody of our child due to the nature of the case." And whenever we tried to work, DHS wouldn't acknowledge our efforts at all and called us lazy, all the while telling us to find better work. Fun, huh?
  14. Dlive

    Dlive New Member

    Heck, since all of you have been so great, helpful and supportive, I figure you guys deserve a reward and see our little monster.

    She has blonde hair and blue eyes, which is a super recessive trait in our bloodline. Me and my wife are both brunettes with brown eyes.
    Lasted edited by : Dec 14, 2017
  15. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    As this is a public forum you may want to have one of the admins remove the photo. As sweet as it is.
    Lasted edited by : Dec 14, 2017