svengandhi
Well-Known Member
My difficult child is 16. He is a junior who takes primarily AP and honors classes but does not believe in HW. His MO has always been to self-sabotage in school or other activities where he is doing well.
Last year, he had a dispute with a scout leader. To make a long story short, it resulted in him being removed from the troop and H and I removing the younger boys as well. We recently joined a new troop. Today, they did an activity. It apparently went well, but when they got home, H was livid and told me that difficult child will not be allowed to take his job at scout camp this summer unless he does the 3 merit badges he needs to get to Eagle; however, H told him he doesn't care if he does a project or not. difficult child told me that he has gone to meetings for a month and while he likes the boys and the leaders, he does not want to remain in scouting and does not want to finish the badges. He does want to go to camp but his gfgness will not allow him to "give in" and do the badges and H's gfgness will not allow him to back down from his ultimatum, which he knew I didn't agree with.
H told me that if I didn't back him up, he would leave. Part of my dilemna is that I don't really care if he leaves, as long as he takes the dogs with him, takes his cars off my insurance and signs our home into my name (he can have a second home we own, which has a mortgage outstanding that is 1/10th of our main home, which I would gladly sign in to his name. He can also go live with his mom, while I have no such options. He does not have the money to support our current home on his own, while I can). I don't need CS from him and frankly single head of household would do me solid. I just need to get custody of our amazing accountant!
Meanwhile, I don't know what to do about difficult child. I don't care if he finishes Eagle, though it would be sad if he didn't. I want him to go to camp and work. I could use him having his own money for the year, PC14 is also going up there to work but he will probably decide not to go without difficult child since difficult child is the one who loves the camp. I tried to convince him to just do the badges but he said that giving him an ultimatum makes him shut down (yeah, we know that!).
Do you guys think that going to a mediator on this issue of our son would be helpful? H and I are both lawyers. Ironically, I am a trial attorney by trade and HE is the one who negotiates deals. You'd think it was the opposite in our M. We tried MC after his cheating and I found it laughably useless.
Last year, he had a dispute with a scout leader. To make a long story short, it resulted in him being removed from the troop and H and I removing the younger boys as well. We recently joined a new troop. Today, they did an activity. It apparently went well, but when they got home, H was livid and told me that difficult child will not be allowed to take his job at scout camp this summer unless he does the 3 merit badges he needs to get to Eagle; however, H told him he doesn't care if he does a project or not. difficult child told me that he has gone to meetings for a month and while he likes the boys and the leaders, he does not want to remain in scouting and does not want to finish the badges. He does want to go to camp but his gfgness will not allow him to "give in" and do the badges and H's gfgness will not allow him to back down from his ultimatum, which he knew I didn't agree with.
H told me that if I didn't back him up, he would leave. Part of my dilemna is that I don't really care if he leaves, as long as he takes the dogs with him, takes his cars off my insurance and signs our home into my name (he can have a second home we own, which has a mortgage outstanding that is 1/10th of our main home, which I would gladly sign in to his name. He can also go live with his mom, while I have no such options. He does not have the money to support our current home on his own, while I can). I don't need CS from him and frankly single head of household would do me solid. I just need to get custody of our amazing accountant!
Meanwhile, I don't know what to do about difficult child. I don't care if he finishes Eagle, though it would be sad if he didn't. I want him to go to camp and work. I could use him having his own money for the year, PC14 is also going up there to work but he will probably decide not to go without difficult child since difficult child is the one who loves the camp. I tried to convince him to just do the badges but he said that giving him an ultimatum makes him shut down (yeah, we know that!).
Do you guys think that going to a mediator on this issue of our son would be helpful? H and I are both lawyers. Ironically, I am a trial attorney by trade and HE is the one who negotiates deals. You'd think it was the opposite in our M. We tried MC after his cheating and I found it laughably useless.