Happy & Emotional

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by lovemyson1, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    Hello good people,

    I couldn't help but share the last few weeks and my feelings with you all since you've been through so much pain, misery & joy with me.

    Three weeks ago, we started to see our son slipping somewhat. His girlfriend said he was hanging with some old friends. We called him and he sounded high. That was when we had to make a serious decision. He was less than a month away from entering boot camp and we sure didn't want him to fall before this opportunity to change his life. We didn't know what to do. If he comes back dirty, he would be in a lot of trouble and of course, be rejected from the Marines. I was ready to wash my hands of him bc I was so disappointed that he would dare touch any substance after all he's been through!! However, my husband said it's only a few weeks before he starts boot camp. My husband was willing to drive him to the mountains and babysit him til he left for boot camp if necessary. Extreme I know. That's my hubby. Well, our son promised he was just partying a little and said he was super serious about the Marine's and doing right. He promised he would be a blessing if we would let him stay with us until boot camp. So, reluctantly, we brought him home before Christmas. He actually was amazing! He gave us his phone, we turned it off, he helped around the house, went to the gym every day, went running daily, showed respect. Completely changed man! It's been about 3 weeks now and he's so focused and dedicated to his future. We've been sitting around under blankets, watching movies, going to the gym, going to church, I've been cooking all his favorite foods.. it's been a treasured time of bonding for us all. I'm so grateful. I told my husband thank you for making the right decision. My son for the first time is excited about his future, even asking about savings plans, education, being a leader in the Marines.. he's really on fire!

    With all that being said, I fee so emotional. After almost losing him to drugs and the streets, this is so precious for me. And now, I have to give him to the Military, so I've been a big emotional mess. But happy.

    From this experience what I've learned is very important and I'm sharing in hopes that this will help someone: 1. Never give up on your difficult child 2. Do not enable them and 3. (Most Important) Find something for them to get excited about, push them to find a goal. This is where I see the biggest change coming from. He has a goal of being a leader in the Marines and he's already meeting the physical requirements for the END of boot camp! He hasn't asked once to go on the internet or even see any of his old friends, in fact, he hasn't left our side. :)

    So now, I just value this last week with him and pray he is successful in his journey and that God keeps him safe. He leaves Monday, January 16th.

    Thank you all for your wisdom, care and support over these past several years; it has been invaluable! I truly pray for each of you to see your difficult children beat the chains of addictions once and for all!!
     
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    Last edited: Jan 10, 2017
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Thanks for giving us hope! Mine is slowly turning but anything is better than where we've been!

    Hugs and I hope and pray he stays on the right path!!
     
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  3. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Celebrate it all! You all deserve the joy!

    I agree...hope is always alive!
     
  4. tandemdame

    tandemdame Active Member

    Yes, you do deserve the joy!
     
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    You have done every single thing in your hands to help him have a positive, constructive and meaningful future.

    He will have all of the support in the world with the marines to do the rest. This is a heroes journey that we as parents cannot take with our children. Your husband knew that but wanted to do everything to make sure that your son succeeds on his own, with the help of the marines' culture. Now it is in their hands, and his.

    Nothing is in the bag for anybody. It takes constant and continuing dedication to choose well, every single time. Your son demonstrated how fragile is recovery if not protected and recommitted to.

    Every single person here I know will pray for his success and congratulate him.

    Take care. I hope you return and give us periodic updates. You have hung in there with him no matter what, you and your husband. I admire you.
     
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    Last edited: Jan 11, 2017
  6. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    This is so true! And to be honest, my biggest concern. Our son has been pushed by us all his life, in his sports my husband was always there to coach him and keep him on track. When he was in a wrestling match he pushed much harder when my husband yelled at him to. So now I just want to see him push himself. To make good choices even when no one is around. It is my fear he may not and yet I know I don't have any control over that. I do see him wanting to succeed and I sure hope he matures in the military and stops relying on us to motivate him.

    Thank you for your kind, kind words!!
     
  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am in the same situation. I worry about the same thing for my own son and am eaten up by my fear.
    This is the vice I find myself in too. I try to control everything, and find I lose more and more. In the end I have only more and more fear, and less and less control.

    I have to arrive at a solution that lies not in control over something over which I have no power. You are not alone, Lovemyson.
     
  8. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    I've being trying to let go and let God. It helps me to have peace. I don't know if you're a believer and I know we aren't supposed to talk "religion" but it is what helps me. I believe God saved my son all the times he was screwing up and so I believe God has a plan for him. Trusting in that gives me great peace. But ya, it's so hard and I tend to worry too. Hang in there Copa! Our boys will succeed!
     
  9. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi LMS1,

    So glad to hear the good news about your son!

    For some people, the structure and rules of military life really helps them to learn self-control and boundaries in their adulthood.

    I'm so glad your son is not just joining the military, but doing so enthusiastically. He may just have found his calling.

    Keep us informed!

    We love good news!

    Apple
     
  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am, lovemyson, I am, too. Only recently I have turned to my faith and I speak with a woman Rabbi every week. It helps me immeasurably in all ways.
    This is the only way I can feel any solace at all, to believe this. But when I am afraid I fall to pieces and I go to my weakest, most vulnerable and negative place. And when I do I abandon myself and my son. I know enough to know that when I do this I help to create the result I fear the most. Luckily, M, the man I live with, tries to hold things together while I am off the reservation. Even to the point of hiding things from me. I forgive him.
    I know.

    My greatest failure is seeking too much control. When I get frightened, I do so. I have to trust. It is hard for me. Thank you lovemyson. I care about you. You are a good woman, lovemyson. I wish you lived close to me. I will keep you close.
     
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  11. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    You are very, very kind! Thank you for your care, support and love. You are much like my husband, he too wants full control and it's hard for him. Keep in touch, I care about you too Copabanana.