Happy Endings?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by HopingForTheBest, Dec 11, 2017.

  1. HopingForTheBest

    HopingForTheBest New Member

    I'd love to hear some good news... does anyone have any happy endings to share? And can you tell us what contributed to in a positive way towards it?

    Son will be 18 in 2 wks; I'm preparing for the worst, but need to know there's a shred of hope, and some sense for how to get there. I realize there will eventually be highs and lows (not all just lows)... I just want to know how you made it to some highs?
     
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  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My daughter cold quit meth and coke. We joined Al Anon. Threw her out at 19 for drugging. I believe only tough love works for these kids. Our natural instincts to nurture and protect do not work with the illness of addiction. The flu, yes. Addiction, no. We have to do what is uncomfortable and hard or they don't improve. They still may not...but I truly believe there is a much better chance once they know we will no longer shield, rescue or give money. Been on this forum over ten years and the success stories here are all, as I remember, when the parents finally gave up helping. And the kids knew they meant it. I can't think of one alternative story.

    Daughter has been twelve years clean and she is sweet and thriving. It takes guts on our part to make them see that life as an abused of us and druggie doesn't reap any benefits. If we feel sorry fof them and they feel we still will have their backs...that doesn't seem to do it.

    I am well aware that this is not what moms want to hear and that, like me, you will try until you maybe realize one day you can't do anything to help. I would not have believed it either at one time nor would I have wanted to. I would have thought someone who posted this was coldhearted and mean. I think now that tough love is hard on Mom but very compassionate and as effective as it gets for the hard disease of addiction. But if anyone has a story here of nurturing and financially supporting an addict to sobriety, please post it!
     
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    Last edited: Dec 11, 2017
  3. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

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  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Well, it isn't "ended" yet, but I can say our son seems to be coming around. From about age 17 we didn't think the nightmare would ever end. Lies, stealing, pot and God knows what else...we put him out of the house more than once. He was in a homeless shelter in our own smallish town. We still find things missing. But, last year he took every penny he had and decided to move away - to Colorado, home of legal weed, but still away. He was homeless for a while but met a girl who apparently saw something in him. He's now working a full-time job, paying off old bills, putting in apartment applications. More importantly, he's showing more empathy and consideration for other people than I've EVER seen him show in his life. For instance, we lost our little dog yesterday. He saw my Facebook post and texted me how sorry he was. That he even thought of doing that was something I'd have never imagined even a year ago.

    What contributed? I guess getting away from the people who drug him down, finding a really nice young woman, and having to fend for himself. Will it last? Who can say. But for now, we have peace and hope.
     
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  5. HopingForTheBest

    HopingForTheBest New Member

    Lil - that's the best we could hope for, and exactly what I'm hoping will happen in my son's case. He wants to get far far away from here, and he's convinced he'll never live life fully if he stays. So it sort of sounds like your son.

    Somewhere - FANTASTIC! And you are so, so right.

    Sam - yes, thank you! I've been enjoying reading some happies... gives me hope.
     
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  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There IS hope!!!

    But we have to be brave enough to be a part of their recovery, not a part of their problem. Often we ARE part of the problem because we are afraid not to be!
     
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