Not sure what I am feeling really. Last night my difficult child made some plans with some friends....i thought that a good thing because he needs to develop s social life here. I had told him that today I wanted to try out a bridge game in the area and I would see him this afternoon. So I did and then met up with him. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do so we were going to go to a move but it was not for 90 minutes....ok so he was going to take a shower and I would come back....well then he called and said he should have told me before but he needed a break!! Now in actuality there was a bridge game tonight which I could then go to and did and had a nice time...so I was fine. However it made me wonder...you know that ptsd we all have....on the one hand it feels kind of off...I mean I am here and he should want to spend the time with me....on the other hand...I know being with me is both good and a little stressful for him and he is not used to spending so much time with me and we do not have a carefree easy relationship. And I know from my easy child daughter that she looks forward to seeing me and then I kind of drive her nuts....and I remember at times feeling the same way about my mother. So a part of me is glad he could be honest rather than seeing me due to a feeling of obligation and then being a complete jerk (old pattern)....and a part of me worries he will blow me off tomorrow in which case I will be pretty ticked off. And a part of me wonders was he just dying to use some kind of substance tonight instead of seeing me. I guess I will see what happens tomorrow.