He stole $10 but a friend gave him $10 so he wouldn't get punished ... hmm (long)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, May 24, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yesterday, I had a $20 bill in my wallet, and had to break it so I could make up the difference on a Mother's Day Starbucks gift card that was short 27 cents. So I had 4 ones, a five, and a 10.
    difficult child came home in a rush yesterday, saying he had to return a game to K, and he also wanted to put air in his bike tires. He grabbed my purse and keys and waited for me in the car. I hate it when he rushes me like that; of course, my phone was left behind on the countertop.
    And ... when we got to the gas station to fill his tires with-air, and needed 4 quarters, the 10 was missing. I confronted him and he got angry and denied it and said he didn't know where it was. I gave him all the bills and told him to help me count it; maybe I was just reading it all wrong. He refused and turned his back.
    I had him empty his pockets. He did. More or less.
    I went inside and got four quarters, and also some chocolate, not that I wanted to reward him, but that he would use the 10 for something and then claim he'd used it for candy. So I was doing a pre-emptive strike.
    We got the bike in the car and were on our way, and I told him again about the money. I said, you know you've stolen from us before and we no longer trust you. He said he understood but that he didn't have it.
    The last time he did this, and was in a rush, he bought pot from his friends, supposedly for the first and last time.
    He insisted he did not use drugs and he was not going to buy pot and he didn't have the money.
    So we get to the park ... which has a rep as a drug place ... and his friends are all sitting at a picnic table and most of them have bikes thrown on the ground. I stay in the pkng lot for a few minutes, combing my hair and generally planting myself and all the kids are staring at me.
    I finally go home, ask easy child if she took $10, she says no but she'll help me look.
    I tell her about difficult child and she says it's pretty obvious.
    I now have my cell ph and call K, (who is sitting at the picnic table with-difficult child) and ask him if he knows if difficult child took $10, and to please tell me if difficult child buys anything. He says, "No, I haven't seen any money on him and didn't plan to do anything with it."
    I tell him that if difficult child suddenly decides to treat everyone to something, to let me know.
    45 seconds later, difficult child calls me in a huff, wanting to know why he's in trouble ... I said I was simply asking his friend if he saw $10 that you may have had.
    "NO! And I'll get the money from M !"
    "Huh? Why would you do that? You'll just have to pay him back."
    "No, he said he'd just give it to me. He's got two fives."

    I pick him up a little bit later at K's house. We drive home in silence. He did not fight me to play rap songs like he usually does. He was very calm.

    He of course wants the TV/game cord.
    "I'll be happy to give it to you after you help me find my $10. It's going to take awhile to look through the house and the car."

    "I do not have it!"

    "I didn't say you did. But you are going to help me find it and then you can get the cord."

    He leaves the room, then comes back and tosses two fives at me.

    "Now give me the cord!"

    husband calls while this is going on and says he's almost home and he'll deal with-it.
    I told difficult child that and he said there was no reason to wait for Dad unless I was going to tell him about the $10.
    Uh, yeah ...

    So difficult child and husband and I discuss it, more or less calmly, and husband says fine, he can have the cord and the issue of the $10 has now been passed onto M and him, rather than Mom and him. difficult child is fine with-that and husband and I leave to go out to eat.

    husband says, "You intercepted his plan to buy pot and now you know who the dealer is."

    Huh? "The dealer is the one who gave him the two fives? Why not just give him back the same 10 dollar bill?"
    "Because they're not smart enough to do that and they knew they were busted and just wanted to get you out of their hair. M is a yr older, he's in HS and they always stop by his house. His mom is always calling the police on him, remember."
    "THAT kid? Oh, now I see."

    Well, I knew difficult child was up to something but I hadn't crossed all the t's and dotted all the i's until husband pointed it out.

    We spent dinner talking about what we were going to to when difficult child got someone pregnant ... lovely.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wow! Don't you just LOVE busting these kids sometimes? husband sounds like one smart cookie...but then, he's also the wise parent of a difficult child. Too bad difficult child will NEVER admit he took it in the first place. UGH
  3. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Guilty until proven innocent sometimes has to prevail. Of course in this case its guilty until proven guilty. husband does sound like he knows what is going on.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh good grief, well....one mystery solved.
  5. wow! Glad you were able to spoil the drug deal. At least for now, anyway.

    husband seems to be right on the mark with his assessment of the situation. I feel for you.

    And I can totally relate to your dinner conversation - husband and I seem to be having a lot of conversations like that lately.
  6. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    I hate when Angel steals from me; I have to lock up everything purse, makeup, jewelry, chocolate, medications, alcohol even the piggy bank. So glad you foiled his plan even if he didn't admit to his guilt, I can never get Angel to admit to anything even when she gets caught with the stolen item.

    I have kind of a twisted sense of humor so if I had $19 that turned into $9 would be like "I have these movie passes lets put gas in car so it will get us there" pull into gas station then because I don't have the money for gas we don't go LOL This would work great in my case because R would be sitting there all mad at Angel who wasted the money on something stupid but is afraid to snitch, Angel would be mad at herself because she would have rather seen the movie then whatever spent it on. So I get some quiet while they sit there mad at each other and Angel figures out a way to make this all R's fault - all in all some peace and quiet is well worth $10 but just my opinion.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    :devil:Of course in this case its guilty until proven guilty.

    I like the way you think. Unfortunately, it's all too true.

    Yes, Angel, I'll come up with-something like that. I just wasn't very quick on my feet yesterday. I was pretty upset ... maybe I can pull a stunt like that in front of all of his friends ... :)
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Maybe I'm misinterpreting, but I'm not adding it up the way you and your husband did. The way I see it, if he'd just stolen the $10 15 mins before he got to the park but then got 2 fives from a friend to give back to you, he most likely spent his (your) $10 on somethhing, and yes, most likely pot given the setting and context you described. Then one of them had two fives and loaned those to him. And I don't think for one sec that any of those boys there would have called and told you he had your $10. The boy you called filled your difficult child in and this was how they chose to keep you off his back. I wouldn't have given him the cord and let him play games- he didn't help you find YOUR $10 and basicly admitted that he had stolen it, then lied to you about it, and still didn't have the bill he stole to give back. Just my 2 cents.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Klmno, I did not expect his friend to be an informant. I expected him to do exactly what he did--immediately tell difficult child that he was in trouble. But I wanted the peer pressure factor.
    And just because he'd stolen the $10 during that time, doesn't mean he hadn't planned it all day. I have to get a hold of his text messages ...
    His behavior would indicate that he hadn't actually smoked anything. I mean, he was calm and relatively normal, compared to the last time, when he was obnoxiously grumpy, with-bloodshot eyes. Still, he could have hidden it, or had a friend keep it, etc.
    I will certainly find out the hard way ... because he's in the midst of filling his life with-one bad decision after another. :(
    And he's not smart about it (i.e. thinking we can't smell it, etc.)
    If he comes home and throws in a load of wash, the game is up. :)
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I wonder if he just gave someone a 10 for 2 fives then, thinking he'd buy a joint with one five (I don't even know what they cost anymore LOL) and your call stopped that from transpiring. Whatever- he stole then lied and still hasn't really come clean with you. That's why I don't think he should have gotten any priveges back that had already been taken away. He just seems to be manipulating you to no end.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I agree, but if we slam down hard right now, we won't ever get the info. husband is going to get it out of him this weekend.
    We've done this before, and it's how we got the info on the kid down the street who had the box stashed on his porch (about which his mother is still in denial).
    So, it will get rougher for difficult child, don't worry. He's at the point where he'll claim he doesn't understand why he's grounded and has no phone for something he did last month, but he really *does* get it. He just doesn't like it.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's the way it looks to me, too. I can't help but wonder if your priority being getting more info instead of cracking down on him right away isn't being misinterpreted by him as still a way to keep manipulating- if that makes any sense. My mind is going in 3 directions right now so I can't word that in a better way right now.
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    TERRY!!! My sister made me laugh because she esentially told me the same story just different players. In watercooler I told of my nephew who took his iPod which he had been grounded from. She told him she had gotten suspicious and went to check her drawer and itis n Occupational Therapist (OT) there.... he says, well I dont know where it is, why dont you believe me etc... she told him she thinks he gave it to his friend so he can use it during school. He says no way etc. She says she knows it did not jump out of the drawer and walk away.

    So in the morning she tells him she wants him to do the right thing.

    At 10 a.m. he calls and says he "found" it at school. Now mind you, this kid has been typically developing except for adhd....fine socially, even academically until this year. PUBERTY for him apparently.

    She says oh, it traveled all the way to school on its own? OK he is STILL sticking to the dumb story.

    HOW do they think we dont know???? I told her I knew someone who's kid used the same logic. Amazing.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    LOL, Buddy, they must be brothers!

    Klmno, yes he said something very revealing the other day, and I told husband. Last month, when husband told difficult child that if he was honest, he wouldn't be punished, difficult child told him (us) that he had smoked weed.
    Yesterday, when difficult child said he didn't do drugs, I said, "Are you sure? You know what would happen, don't you?" and he said, "Yeah, nothing. That's what Dad said when I told him the truth."

    I think my eyeballs popped out of my head.
    Boy, did he misintrepret that one!
    We have to be very, very careful how we word things. His mind does NOT work the way ours does!

    So this weekend, among other things, such as finding out exactly who is the dealer, how he gets the stuff, etc., (difficult child told us a name we'd never heard but we still think it's M), we have to tell difficult child in no uncertain terms that he WILL be punished if he does drugs again, and that telling the truth is only one part of the equation.

    It all makes sense to us ... but not to these kids.
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    What do you plan on doing with that info on the drug dealer? I don't think this is an aspie issue- it honestly appears to me to be a manipulative issue. I think your son has figured out how to redirect your attention to something else every time you are faced with an extreme situation. That's just the way it appears to me.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I see your point. He can be very manipulative.
    I'll type more this weekend.
  17. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    I think that him specifically saying that M had "two fives" on the phone to you was his way of making sure he created more doubt in your mind. I think your husband was right on all counts but that one. I'm sure he and his friends discussed it before he called you and that was the master plan. Like if he didn't have a $10 bill there was no way you could blame him. I thought it was a strange thing for him to mention in the first place. Who really specifies monetary denomonations right off the bat like that? People who have a guilty concious.
  18. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    For a kid who allegedly stole 10 bucks while sitting in the car waiting for his mom and was confronted about it minutes later you are giving him a lot of credit for his deception skills. Ha ha maybe I am too naive, but this is how I interpreted your post: Money is missing, confront son, son denies, son empties pockets-no money, son is questioned and still denies,....I think possibly your son knew that this would not be dropped with simply him denying it... no-win situation for him. You call and continue asking about the money and maybe, knowing you would take the video cord, his friend agreed to give him money because he knew there would be consequences. Thinking Aspie-like, he saw the problem...(which to him was likely loss of video games)...and he solved the problem (in his mind) by paying you the money you wanted, even if he didn't take it.
    Obviously, I could be way off on this, but I do tend to take a kid's perspective, especially our spectrum kiddos~
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    knowing you would take the video cord, his friend agreed to give him money because he knew there would be consequences. Thinking Aspie-like, he saw the problem...(which to him was likely loss of video games)...and he solved the problem (in his mind) by paying you the money you wanted, even if he didn't take it.

    Yes, I agree. His manipulation is still there but not smooth. :)
  20. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Is really being manipulative though? I guess the only reason it matters, is that being manipulative means he is purposely trying to deceive you for gain, being Aspie means he is problem-solving from a very different perspective- one seems 'bad' and the other seems misunderstood.