heavy heart

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mike, Dec 19, 2012.

  1. mike

    mike New Member

    Its the holidays and I just kicked my son (18) out. I have always thought I was immune to such actions, I gave every bit of my heart and soul to my son. A brief synopsis goes like this ; I had made sure my son was involved in sports, social activities, and had love around every corner. Since he was 13 he started to do negative things like get in trouble at school, hanging with questionable kids. Fastforward to today, I have helped in court. Over tickets, pot charges. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt but he continuously Disrespects the house, the rules, and won't get a job or obey curfew. Last weekend he was gone on his normal three day weekend with his friends doing who knows what and let a girlfriend drive his car into a convienance store, well no injuries but now we will have alot of insurance issues and he did not even bother telling us!!! We were contacted by the insurance company, he acts as if its no big deal!! So we had words tonight about his lack of effort for his job search, one thing led to another and I told him he cannot disrespect the house or me and he must leave....
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to our corner of the world Mike. You definitely did the right thing by asking him to leave yet I know that it is not an easy thing to do.

    Can you tell us a bit more about your son? Has he been evaluated by a nuero-psychologist or a child psychiatrist? Doe he have an diagnoses?

    So glad you found us but sorry you needed to; stick around and others will be around. Sending some gentle hugs your way.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi Mike. Is he abusing drugs? Sounds as if that could be an issue. It's very sad. There are so many here who can relate and I bet they will weigh in soon.
    Can you d/c his car and insurance. You don't want to wait till you're liable for serious injury or death. Very sorry you're going through this.
  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome. I can totally relate - I'm so very sorry for your troubles right now. Keep posting - it seems like you are doing/have done all the right things. He may be going through a phase, or it may be much more than that. We're here to listen and to help if we can.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Mike. I'm sorry you're going through this with your son. It's a very difficult thing to do, to have to ask your child to leave your home, especially around the holidays. Many of us here have been or are in your shoes so we understand the anguish, the guilt and the sorrow. Keep posting, it helps. We will listen and be supportive. Try to keep yourself well supported in the ways that feel appropriate to you, take care of YOU now. There are 12 step groups for parents that others here attend which help. Keeping those boundaries with our kids when they are not respectful of us or our homes or our rules and don't make any contribution can be challenging, however, you appear to be doing all the right things in the detachment process. Stay the course, keep posting and take care of yourself. We're glad you found us.
  6. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Welcome to our board. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but I think that you did the right thing.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, mike. Rotten time of year to have to do this. If you like, you can hop over to Parent Emeritus where we discuss our kids over 18 and you will find many of us had to take this sad step. I did...but the flip side is that my daughter quit the drugs and the horrible friends and even smoking cigarettes and is now a productive working member of society and my best friend. She tells me if I hadn't made her leave, she may have not quit. For more feedback about adult kids, take a leap over to PE.

    I'm so sorry this had to happen to you.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive thoughts your way and sincere wishes that your son will "see the light" and seek whatever help he needs. Hugs DDD
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Many of us understand your heavy heart. I am a parent whose kid went down the path of drug and alchol abuse in spite of many many measures to prevent it. I had to put him out at age 18 because his actions were intolerable and also put me in danger both physically and financially as well as emotionally. It is a hard thing to do and only others who have been in the same position can come close to understanding your pain. If you made demands before he left about his behavior and what has to change for him to come home, you must stick to those conditions. If you do not, and let him back without enforsing the rules of living under your roof, he will never respect you and his behavior will not change. It is very likely he will couch surf at friends houses and also likely he will villify you to anyone who will listen. It is a hard place to be as a parent. Just stick to your boundries and hopefully he will learn to abide by them. -RM
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm another mom who had to kick her 19 year old daughter out of the house because of her behavior and alcohol/drug abuse. She is now 21 and it's been a long difficult road and I'm still not sure how it will turn out. I will say our home is much more peaceful now.

    Does your son have a job? Do you know where he is living?